Well, it happened again this week. I was going about my life and having what I thought was going to be an average week of healing and progress. And then, I clogged my garbage disposal sink.
Who thinks of clogging the disposal as something that will end up impacting their health? Shoot, I know I did not. The longer I am on this healing journey the more I realize just how toxic the world is. There are so many things I never really thought of as negatively impacting my health that I have had to adjust and change in the past few years. We are conditioned by the society we live in to adhere to social norms. However, when I slow down to question the things I do not think about, I often realize the error of my ways.
Long story short, I tried to unclog the sink with vinegar and baking soda, but was unsuccessful. Next up was a bottle of Draino and this is where I went wrong. The sink still did not unclog and now I had a sink full of chemicals fuming up the house. Even with open windows and leaving the kitchen fan on, I still woke up the next morning with swollen eyes and fatigue.
The next day, I was picking my diet apart trying to figure out what the cause of my flair was for half the day. Then I had a light bulb moment and I realized it was the Draino. Haywood(my dog with lupus) had an autoimmune reaction the same day and this helped me put the pieces together.
Picking myself and my life apart every time a reaction happens is the worst part of healing autoimmune issues. I often feel like I failed myself(and Haywood). After all this time and pain, how could I not think about Draino as something that would endanger my healing? When will I learn? Is being a human in a man-made world really this tough?
Love & Coconut Oil
“Change, like healing, takes time.”~ Veronica Roth
I told myself I would write at least one blog post a week. Well, that did not happen. Telling my story is a test of my ability to be vulnerable. I have been on this journey alone and have not shared my whole story with anyone. Every time I attempt to talk about my healing journey with someone, I end up disappointed in their response and/or reaction. People do not know how to react to things they have not experienced, especially things that make them uncomfortably question their own mortality and way of life.
Then on the other hand, maybe the resistance to writing my story out is that I am still in denial. I am a champion at ignoring things that do not fit the way I want my life to be. Living with my head in the clouds does not mean I do not see what is happening, but I do not address things as often or timely as I should. We all have our weaknesses, but awareness is the first step to changing behavior patterns and improving quality of life.
After winning, surviving, or whatever you want to call beating a serious face with death, there is no way I want to go back to living the way I used to. I no longer value or desire the same things. My goals have changed. My world has changed. However, most of these changes have been in my best interest.
The being sick part was lame and it still is a bummer to have to do so much self care just to get the minimum energy I need to make it through my days, but the person I have become is beautiful and strong in ways I could have never imagined before. This sounds so cheesy and basic, but I just cannot really encompass the change into words. Perhaps, once I finish this journey I will be able to explain it more clearly.
I am a work in progress and my journey is finally somewhere I can actually see the light at the end of the tunnel. Healing will always be apart of my journey and lifestyle from here on out, but I am excited for the days when my life does not revolve around my healing so intensely.
But for now, while I am here, we may as well talk about it!
Love & Coconut Oil
“Face your fears and follow your heart in as many aspects of your life as possible.” ~Me 🙂