When You Enjoy My Pain

When you look at me enjoying my pain, I see your humanity. I see who you really are. Not the person you show the world, but the person you really are. It is not a pretty sight most of the time, but hey my life is far from pretty so I get it. I am fighting to be who I am, but most of you all do not know who you are. You have given into the pain of your experiences and taken it on as who you are. Your pain is not who you are. Your heart and soul are who you are.

I understand people needing to enjoy my pain to justify the pain they feel inside, but just know that pain is not who you are. It is merely a part of the experience of life. You are your heart and soul. Cultivate who you are, don’t cultivate your pain.


Nicole Graves

90 Days Running From My Family Cult The Kudearoffs

For the past 90 days, I have been running from my family cult the Kudearoffs. Before this year, I never knew I had Asperger’s genius or that my family was making me swim upstream in life to merely survive. Let alone they were a cult that control people all over the world. Sounds so crazy to say out loud, but are you ready to go even more over the top? Apparently, I have a birthright. If I get married and have a baby I get to take over for them. This is why they have kept me small and hidden my whole life. Oh! And they told the world I had already died, but I had not. I have healed from autoimmune diseases and breast cancer naturally while living in a death camp. They just announced and celebrated my death too early.

Are you ready to try to commit me and call me crazy now? When I write it out, I can completely understand people thinking I am crazy. It makes me feel crazy. How could something like this be going on in this modern age? How can my family be powerful in anyway, when they are toxic individuals who value destruction more than anything else? I had a hard enough time thinking I was related to them.

So, the cognitive dissonance is real, but so are the daily attempts of my murder. People covertly act like this is not happening, they are not in the know, and like they are not taking part in these war games. Look for the people with fatty liver, overactive sympathetic nervous systems, and minimal access to their whole brain due to being in survival mode. People in this condition are easily controlled and in on the war games for their own benefit.

Here I sit in my Jeep after 90 days of being on the run and I have no clue where this will go. My family cult has cut off my connections to the outside world other than this blog and some social media. And they are still quite censored and extremely monitored. My emails and phones have been hacked, but no one wants to do anything because my family cult has some law enforcement in on their war games. My only hope is reaching someone in a place of power who is not able to be controlled by my family cult and I have exhausted all the people I know.

My life is now in the hands of strangers who do not know me personally.


Nicole Graves

Another New Phone Service-Metro

Today I signed up for Metro Cell Phone service and once again like magic my connection with the outside world is still limited. My new phone # is (337) 688-1831. And my hotspot and emails were already hacked and prohibited from working. I understand I am not a financial institution like Del Norte Credit Union, but I am still someone who pays for a service and it is not very covert to block my connection with the outside world.

Just another day in the life of someone running from the Kudearoff cult.


Nicole Graves

They Are Gang Stalking/Attempting Murder On Alan Poissant In Santa Monica, California Now

Yesterday, I reached out to a past boyfriend from 2014. He and I were close, but never really were able to connect because of life. Now I understand it is because he does not know about my family cult. And now I also understand that they tried killing him when he was then living in Salt Lake City, in order to keep us apart. He does not know about my family cult.

Alan(Mr. Utah) encountered all kinds of life circumstances that were life shattering, but were totally out of character for him. He had a drinking problem, but now I realize it was a poisoning problem. My family was poisoning him. He was having extreme problems with his breathing and he definitely had fatty liver from all the toxins he was being exposed to. This is around the same they started attempting my murder more overtly and when they sent A1(aka Tae Roh) into my life to distract me and to attempt my murder on a more personal level. It is easier to poison your personal products and food/drink when they use a trusted friend/loved one.

If anything happens to Alan Poissant(I may have spelled his last name wrong) currently in Santa Monica, it was my family cult the Kudearoffs.


Nicole Graves

The Death Camp Wasn’t Just In Sierra Vista, It Is Wherever I Go

Today, I realized a lot. The death/work camp wasn’t just in Sierra Vista. It follows me wherever I go. And the emotional pain that my family puts me through is knowing so much and never getting to manifest anything real with it. I have been swimming upstream my whole life thinking I was the one that was doing something wrong or was deficient in some way. Today, I realized it hasn’t been me this whole time. There have just been many limitations that were put on me that I did not know about. Well, now I know.

No one can be revolutionary forever on their own. And I know I have to pick a keeper. That keeper could be a minimum wage job boss here or I could pick someone who can walk the dogs with me in the evenings. Someone who let me realize my dream of being a writer. Who knows maybe I can write some children’s books or something underwhelming and yet still somewhat satisfying.

I still do not want to partake in the war games, but now I understand you all are committed to living like this. I may never understand why, but that is okay I do not have to understand. All I have to know is that I tried. People like me on the Autism spectrum(Asperger’s is on the Autism spectrum) only live on average to be 35. I turned 40 on this trip and I have healed cancer. I am proof that you can beat the odds. However, I am living on borrowed time and fighting a war alone is not how I want to spend more of my time.

When you all get sick from playing your war games look me up and I can give you some tips on how to heal and/or improve your quality of life while you die. Living the way you all choose to live means you will get sick. It is not a question of if, but when. Maybe this does not scare you, but I have been sick and it is just not something I want to experience again. I want to live because I never really have gotten to and just be a normal human. Shoot, maybe I can meet some old ladies at a church and join a quilting circle. That is more up my alley than continuing to swim upstream. Heck, maybe I can grow some pot and my own potatoes.

This trip has made me realize ordinary may not be as bad as I thought, because revolutionary alone only works for so long.

Who knows maybe I will be back quicker than I realize, see you soon if they try to kill me on the way out of city limits.


Nicole Graves

Stuck In The Fog: Fear, Obligation, & Guilt

You know how my family, the Kudearoff cult, gets you stuck? They get you stuck in the fog: Fear, Obligation, & Guilt. They make you do things that turn you into a slave to them and then your feelings too. You become stuck in a cycle of circular thoughts of fear, obligation, and guilt. This is what they did to me as a child and what the SS soldiers do to their children.

You know how you break the cycle? You realize you are human, humans make mistakes, and forgive yourself. Live, learn, and do better. Sure there will always be things to fear, but there is no reason to give loyalty to people who do not give loyalty to you. This is why I am able to be free of my family and my trauma bonds. Sure I love them, but they do not show me love or loyalty. They just wish to feed off my feelings of humanity.

This is what they are doing to those of you who are not dead inside. They are preying on the fact that you are not dead inside and using it against you. This is why people are quick to break, because they torture you and then use your humanity against you over and over until you do break. Because the emotional pain and trauma is more impactual than the actual physical damage they do most the time. This is why people give up their humanity. It hurts to be human.

The neighbor at the death camp who had his erection taken away medically, a pee bag installed, and then was homeless in the desert afterwards was way more traumatized emotionally than anything. The cult preys on emotions because they can be used against you. How do you think I learned how to be not human? It is a survival mechanism and I needed it to survive childhood, let alone my adult years.

The “grey rock method” is how you deal with toxic people who run the cult(sociopaths and narcissists). You stop being reactive and just learn to be boring when being abused. Take it as just another day in this weird world we live in. They get bored and move onto someone who is more reactive and fun for them to abuse. This is a large part of playing dead and it works because they do not have the emotional intelligence to read you beyond the surface level. Emotional intelligence is the key to really knowing anything and they do not have access to it.

So hold your emotions close, stop reacting, and eat more meat.

Love Always

Nicole Graves

P.S. Take your vitamins and move your body daily, too!

What I See When You Are Training Your Children With Me

Today, I saw two pretty spectacular examples of people training their children with me as a training tool.

First, was in the Market grocery parking lot. Boy it has gotten really interesting there since the ethnic people from near the gym and Walmart have been imported. There was a high school aged boy in the back seat of a big truck with a veteran license plate cover. He threw his gum at me and smirked, but you could tell he was defending a lifestyle he takes great pride in. What I saw was a young boy that instead of fighting back had given into the sexual abuse as a way of life. He was embracing the fact that he gets to get even for his Dad putting his dick in his bum as a child by doing the same to the children in his life. Shoot, he may already be taking part in this inherited lifestyle trait. Is this really something to be prideful of? Accepting this lifestyle as a way of life means taking joy in what you repeatedly do. If you did not enjoy it, you would not keep doing it.

Second was a girl grade school aged, like 3rd or 4th grade. She mocked me and said, “Help me” as I drove by when she was walking with her Mother. Basically, she has accepted that her Dad having sex with her is a way of life. She knows better than to ask for help because this is the best it gets. And when she grows up she wants to destroy her children and be just like her Mother. Destruction will become her destiny, rather than her own greatness and she has already accepted this in grade school.

When using me as a training tool think about what you are really teaching your children. You are teaching them there is no hope for a better future without destruction. You are destroying them in the process and any sliver of hope they may have left. If this is what they have to do to gain your love and approval you know they will most likely do it, even though it is literally killing them inside. Most children are like me in the beginning, but they want to gain the love and approval of their parents. Your children will do what they have to, to be loved and accepted. You know this and you use it against them. But you tell them it is for their own good. Is this who you really want to be? Is this who you really want your children to be?


Nicole Graves

Dear Dad

I think yesterday was supposed to be a covert message to me, but you know I don’t get those well at all. You are the only person who ever saved me from pain and punishment like Grandma, but I pushed you away when I remembered the sexual abuse. This was by design of the cult, I now understand. The boyfriend at the time pushed for me to stop talking to you and that was it, you were powerless and unable to help me anymore.

Well, I do still love you. Plus, now I understand so much more. You caused me a lot of pain, but it was not all your fault it was this weird world with the really weird covert rules we live in. I am no longer pushing you out of my life. So, now would be the time to be revolutionary with me if you choose to love me. You have lived a long life and know they will continue to punish you in cruel ways. So come join my revolution and help me change the world. I would be forever grateful.

The Kudearoff cult may even try to harm you to get at my last piece of humanity. But how can I feel true love for anyone? Everyone I have developed the feelings that I describe as love has tried to destroy and kill me. So I think it is safe to assume my love feelings are mostly trauma bonds.

Dad, I did love you greatly as a child. You were my hero. You taught me money is freedom and how to cry when bad things happen. You always gave me the big emotional news because you knew Mom had broke me inside and I did not respond how I “should”. I appreciate that. It probably helped me blend in more and appear more “normal”.

I love you and wish you well, but I cannot gamble on you having a heart and helping me in anyway. So, be safe, stop eating carbs, exercise daily, take vitamins, and eat lots of steak.

Love Always and Forever

Your Daughter Nicole

Today Was A Message To You All, Huh?

What they did to the broker’s Father that I contacted in Colorado who saw my worth was a message to you all, huh? It must be nice to have the luxury to attach to people. I learned early that anything I loved would be taken away painfully. Everyone I love is dead. I gave up on humans a long time ago. I think they call this anti-social, except once again I am missing the need to destroy so I don’t fit the criteria perfectly.

We have been at war my whole life. I may have not been in on all the secrets and rules, but I have known we were at war. My Mom killed my favorite neighbor lady when I was 4 and my Grandma painfully slow when I was 8. I have known the casualties of war are often the ones you love. Thus, why I have not had children.

However, I cannot give up. I have to have hope that I can find someone not in on the war games like me, but who see hows humans are something to keep at arms distance. Does the world know I am alive yet? How about the nation? What will happen when they all find out? Will anything happen?

What else have they lied to you all about? What else have they lied to me about? What would you all do if you were me? How can I find people not in on the war games, is there a rhyme or reason behind keeping some of us in the dark? Just think the answers to yourself and I will be able to tune into the collective and find them.

If I give up more people will be casualties of war and die than if I keep going.


Nicole Graves

Dear Security Cameras & Satellites

Dear Security Cameras & Satellites,

Have you noticed all the big trucks and cars that park next to me and idle for long periods of time?

Have you noticed my electronics still keep getting hacked while connected to the Del Norte Credit Union Wi-Fi? It happens every time I connect to it.

Have you noticed all the people who give me evil smiles while in their car like they are in on a secret I do not know about, but look fearful when they are not in their vehicles?

Have you noticed the SS Soliders of Santa Fe have stopped their participation in the war games against me?

Have you noticed the union workers are going stronger than ever in their participation with the war games against me, now that the SS soldiers are out?

Have you noticed the chemicals on the grass at the cemeteries and the parks that cause damage to everyone’s gut bacteria?

Have you noticed that the showers at Planet Fitness are like concentration camp showers and spray people with chemicals?


Nicole Graves

Dear Front Desk Ladies At Barker Realty

Dear Front Desk Ladies At Barker Realty,

I am not much into revenge, but I am into accountability. When I saw you last week and started talking about my special interest of real estate inside sales your energies and faces gave me all the answers. Letting me know what I want to do in real estate is not only plausible, but that the owner and brokers are not all in on the war games that you choose to play. Thank you for allowing me to read you both like a book. I am sure my family will want to thank you for giving me the very last piece of the puzzle I needed to keep going and retain my hope. There is never really any winning with them. When will people learn?

However, money is the only way to find safety for you and your families. I am sure you do not make enough to create financial independence, but you do work at a real estate firm. So, I am sure you have seen people create great wealth very quickly. Real estate is amazing in this regard. With someone like me on your side I can make the transition into real estate easy because it is an overwhelming career jump. I would love that meeting with the owner that you handed me the office phone number and told me to go after. Let me know when you have that arranged, otherwise good luck keeping your children safe.

I have been putting up with people like you for a lifetime who want to create hassle in my life to save themselves. I am sorry to hold you accountable, but yet I am not. Also, there is the notion that the owner and brokers find out about what you have done and find out how much money you cost them. You have really placed yourself in a no win situation. Mars and the moon are in Leo so I am sorry, but yet again I am not.

Talk Soon

Nicole Graves

(724) 436-1523

Day 75-The Day Santa Fe Got To Know Me

Well, it took less than a month for Santa Fe to realize I am Not who my family claims I am. After seeing me eat raw meat with my hands in dirty clothes for over three weeks, they finally got the message that I am here to stay. Thank you Santa Fe for finally seeing the truth. I love the desert and poisoned meats are my norm. So I am glad you all realized this is still better conditions than I have lived in for many years. If not all of my life.

My family claims that I am a princess of sorts, but in reality I am the one they tried to break the most, all of them. However, my Asperger’s genius makes me always come back to life after they break me. Don’t get me wrong, they hurt me all the time(over and over) and make me feel so jealous of people who do not have to overcome their own family cult. However, I have not lived this long to give up now. Plus, I know my dogs would be greatly tortured if anything happened to me. It is bad enough they are having to deal with the heat and the fasting.

When I found out I was good at real estate they were trying to destroy me the most they ever have. I was healing cancer, living in a death camp with gas bombs, mold, radon, and they were poisoning my food, poisoning my toothbruth, my lotions, body oils, toothpaste, putting E in my rock stars, etc. They were trying to kill me covertly and it just was not working and they were getting pissed. I flourished at the death camp. Giving up everything that I really enjoyed was the only way to survive, but I knew this because this was how it was when I was a child. Playing dead is an important war strategy everyone needs to learn. They thought I was dead and that is when I made my moves and then ran for it.

If I can flourish in a death camp and find my calling in real estate, I can flourish now. I looked at my video today and even though I am dirty and sweaty, you can tell I am getting healthier and healing. Life is all about progress and boy I love progress. It is always worth celebrating. I know this war is nowhere near over, I have celebrated too early too many times already. I doubt this will ever be over completely. However, today was a great step in the right direction.

Thank you Santa Fe, I appreciate you!

Nicole Graves

How I Found Healing: The Carnivore Diet

Food has always been my enemy and yet something I crave at the same time. As a child, I was overweight, but I was starving. I remember asking my Grandma in Texas for real food when I visited her and she looked at me with great concern and questioned me. She knew something wasn’t right, but did nothing just as everyone else.

Throughout my life I have tried almost every kind of diet there is. I was vegetarian/vegan for almost 20 years. Now I understand this worked the best because it limited the amount of food I could eat when around others. Never in my life would I have thought that people were poisoning my food. Well, at least not until I lived in Sierra Vista in the death/work camp. I did not want to believe what was happening and everyone gaslighted me about everything I spoke the truth on there, but I did not let that stop me from adapting for survival.

I never had clean meat until this trip/run for my life/adventure when I found Garberville, California. It is a lot like Santa Fe in the sense that the people there did not have a cortisol response to seeing me at first and they had clean air and food and it is in the mountains. I was amazed. I didn’t know this was possible or existed. What a realization to find out I had been missing out on so much of the basics in life.

Long story short, the biochemical warfare in packaged food, fruits, and vegatables are what keeps you small and in a fear response with your hormones all over the place. The chemical that gets to me the most and makes me have autoimmune reactions, attacks my gut bacteria, and makes me feel anxious and crazy is the one they put in chips. This is why the carnivore diet has helped me heal cancer and many other health issues. There is still poison in the meats, but not as much. Even eating meats that were highly poisoned I healed. This just shows you how amazing our bodies are. Our bodies are literally designed for survival and optimal health.

If you are eating the Standard American Diet currently, please stop. Eating all day long and eating carbs all day long is literally killing you slowly and allowing my family cult, the Kudearoffs, to torture you greatly in so many ways you do not even realize until you heal. Before I started this trip/journey, I thought everyone deserved to heal. Well, now I have come to the conclusion only the strongest will survive and those are the people who will help themselves.

Start fasting and eating more meat!

Love Always

Nicole Graves

I Keep Going

Today was a rough day. Not only is the moon in Cancer, but I felt people’s coldness and feelings of indifference when I made calls. However, I need to remember you all did not sign up for this revolution, just as I did not. I just wanted to escape the death/work camp in Sierra Vista, never did I think I would have to right the wrongs of my family. Shoot, I did not even know and still don’t know all the wrongs of my family. I just thought people were evil and lacking in humanity because they enjoyed it. Which I still believe some people do, but I understand that is just their brains being dysfunctional. Which is also something my family enjoys doing to people so they are easier to control.

What a mess and what a bunch of realizations. I honestly do not know how I have not had a complete breakdown, but here we are. I will keep making calls to real estate brokers because I only need one yes. Please gossip as much as possible so I can get to that yes as quickly as possible. Ordinary people are often the heros in stories of great injustices. Look at the people in WWII who smuggled Jewish children to different countries to be raised by families that were not being prosecuted or the underground railroad here in the United States. Everyday ordinary people are the revolutionary ones.

I apologize for being bossy and asking so much of you all, but I hope you see the reasons why I do so. I do not have children, but I see your children and I want more for them. If I have to have a child to make this happen in the big picture I will. But I just want better for everyone and I hope you know this.

Also, I know you all are not used to this kind of chemical warfare. So I would like to make a few suggestions, because health, healing, and survival are kind of my things. Eat fewer carbs(especially sugar), eat more saturated fats, cut out gluten and commercial dairy, move your body and your lymphatic system daily, stop buying the poisoned food from the grocery stores here you all can go out of town to get groceries(stop shopping at the discount grocery store), feed your children binders everyday to help the chemicals and heavy metals from residing in their organs and bones(ex spirulina, diatomaceous earth food grade, activated charcoal, chorella, aloe), and remember love is the most powerful energy in life.

Love you all

Nicole Graves

Dear A1

Dear A1

I am unsure as to who you really are, but that is how I feel about everyone pretty much nowadays. My gut bacteria has been warred on harshly today and the moon is in cancer, so I am writing you out of emotion. Never a good idea, but at this point at least it will make me feel better. It does not matter if you care about me or love me, I know you understand the power I hold and how smart I am. It will only take me a year and a half to get married and have a baby and in that time I can create great wealth using my newly found real estate skills.

Please help me, not only for me and the munchies, but for the changes we can make to the world. You used to tell me little pieces here and there about your childhood and so I know you know suffering. Can you help me help the world? No one should have to grow up in this madness. I may not know you, but you do know me the most I have let anyone know me as a grown adult. Please do something. I do not need a romantic partner, just a partner in this revolution.

I am negotiating with terrorists so you know it must be bad.

Love Always


P.S. To Elise Noble from Noble Real Estate and Thomas Trujillo from Keller Williams Santa Fe, I heard in your voices that you know who I am. You will have to answer for what you did today. Not to me, but to your ancestors and your higher power. And to the people of Santa Fe and the rest of the world.

Santa Fe Team Evil

You realize even though I may not be near security cameras at all times, there are still satellites that can track us at all times, right? Imagine your license plate is associated with this mess and then it is used to track your past involvements with team evil. Nothing is entirely covert these days. With all the overt mistakes my family(the Kudearoff cult) has already made, do you really want to risk having to take accountability?


Nicole Graves

Brokers & Realtors Of Santa Fe

Dear Brokers & Realtors of Santa Fe,

I hope you are ready to be revolutionary. Finding a source of income and a secure wifi connection is my only hope to accomplishing this revolution and surviving/thriving. Luckily, I have been training to do real estate inside sales my whole life, I just did not know it till last year. My background in sales, market research, client retention, legal collections, NLP, freelance writing, and blogging make me better than I could have ever imagined at real estate.

Last year during the pandemic, I received my Arizona real estate license and discovered that inside sales is hard for other people. With my Asperger’s genius and ADHD this problem was like candy to my brain. So, I cracked the code on how to increase conversations and decrease phone calls. I hope to be revolutionary in real estate and create a service that is nationwide like Zillow one day. However, currently I seek one broker in Santa Fe to make a lot of money for. I can increase conversations while decreasing phone calls for a whole brokerage by writing emails laced with NLP while using some things I consider to be common sense and social media strategies. I just need one person to give me a chance. Let me geek out, do what I am good at, and I promise you will not be disappointed.

Santa Fe, this is how you can help me while still following the covert rules. I am starting to reach out to brokers/real estate agents, but every time I do the Kudearoff cult starts gassing me extremely. I need your help, please know that when I call you it is literally a phone call that could save my life. I understand it is risky to get involved, but I will create great wealth for whoever is willing to be brave enough to go out on a limb and take a chance on me. As long as you have agents who can show, do contracts, and answer their phones, I can pretty much do the rest.

Sales and my family cult has taught me how to change people’s brains to work in a manner that is more effective and healthy. I create communication that makes people’s brains light up when they receive it. Sales is not about things, it is about making people feel good. When you make people feel good they want to be around you more and they want to buy what you are selling. It is a pretty simple equation. Humanity is what people seek the most in this weird world and I have found a way to give people humanity while teaching it to them at the same time, subconsciously.

Please organize and figure out who is willing to give me this shot at not only my revolution, but life and creating health and wealth. If you are not the person able to go out on this limb for me, please have a referral of someone you know who can help me. I know I am asking a lot, but I am willing to put in the work to make it worth your while so you have enough wealth to keep you safe. Money is one of the greatest tools when protecting yourself from people who value destruction over greatness.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Nicole Graves

Hacking Of My Emails

Since about March, I have been unable to send an email to the outside world. I have started many different email accounts and no matter what I do the emails never seem to get to who I am sending them. Here are a few of the emails that I have used.




I would love for this to be looked into. I am sure it is the same people who hacked my phone while connected to the Del Norte Credit Union WiFi.


Nicole Graves

Hacking Bank WiFi Is A Federal Crime Right?

Last night, my phone was hacked while on airplane mode and connected to Del Norte Credit Union WiFi. It’s illegal to hack right? This is the second noncontract phone I have gotten this trip that has been hacked, but I thought on airplane mode and connected to bank WiFi I would be somewhat protected. I know my rights don’t matter to many, but the rights of a financial institution matter to the federal government, right?


Nicole Graves

Dear SS Soldier Men & Other Men

Dear Men,

You know you have shorter lives because women poison men, right? How many generations has this been going on? Apparently, long enough for it to effect your life expectancy statistics. Men do not have the need to destroy as much as women. Which is weird because our society teaches us that women are good and nurturing. Well, ain’t that a lie!

I see you SS soldier men(who are not dead inside) being dragged around by your wives like children. What makes you stay? Is it the trauma bond? Is it trying to keep your family whole? Or is it the fear of being shunned and hunted like me? Or is it all of the above? You would rather put up with the destruction you are experiencing now rather than brave the unknown, huh? Probably because you know what women are capable of. I get that completely.

However, I also see the way some of you look at me with awe and wonder. It is as if you have given up on women being fair, just and loving. You know women like me do exist. It is just women like your wives who seek us out and destroy us as well. So maybe, we are more alike than you thought. Why keep the destruction you know when you could be missing out on the love that you don’t know?

Other men, you know you are just a pawn in this mess like me right. We have no real power by ourselves, only the power we give another by association. Which is really just the power to destroy us. It took me 40 years to realize, I have the power and I do not have to give my power away in order to be seen or heard. I can hear you and I know what you feel.

I am betting almost all the men out there, that are not dead inside, want a better life and world for their children and themselves. You do not deserve this destruction. Men used to be warriors and revolutionary. When did you give up your power to women in exchange for being destroyed? When did love leave the equation of partnership?

My Dad was revolutionary. He stood up to my Mom and the Kudearoff cult and took me away from them when he divorced her. If he can be that brave, so can you! Your children deserve better and if you will not give it to them who will? Do you want your daughters to grow up to only seek out destruction like their Mothers? Do you want your sons to never know the love of a woman, because they only are attracted to women like their Mothers, who continually destroys them for sport?

Are you ready to be revolutionary and stand up for what you deserve? Because you do deserve better. Love is not supposed to hurt or kill you.

Love Always

Nicole Graves

P.S. Dear Security Cameras, do you also notice how the out of state license plates are out of whack around me? Washington, Texas, and Colorado appear more than they should on a daily. While Nevada almost never appears and Arizona only once in awhile. I wonder why?

Dear Security Cameras-Pt 2

Dear Security Cameras Part 2

Last night, I was thinking about how I would solve this big covert puzzle, if I were in a place of authority. Who is the weakest link with the most to loose? Someone out there has probably noticed the great injustices of this world, but does not know where to even start.

Well, start with the women who give me evil smirks on the security cameras like they are in on a joke the rest of the world does not know about. They have estrogen dominance and fatty liver with bodies that are bottom heavy, but still have flabby arms from overproduction of cortisol. Especially, these kind of women who are middle aged Mom’s who have been or are married. These are the women who have signed up to take part in the war games for their own benefit, but in the end it has cost them anything and everything of true value. They mostly end up divorced and alone with grown children who put up with them but do not love them.

These women are empty inside and do not know who they are, but they do know covert destruction all too well. They have taken the largest part in these covert war games. Their elevated cortisol is due to their fear of having to be held accountable for their actions and their knowing that they cannot stop taking part in destruction because it has become a human need for them like breathing. These are the women who will turn on anyone they can to not be held responsible for their own actions. Their children and spouses will tell the tales of their need for covert and sometimes overt destruction without much hesitation, because they have been these women’s greatest targets/victims. The proof is in their children’s and spouse’s bones, in their kitchens, and bathroom products.

These middle aged women are the largest casualties of this war and yet they perpetuate this way of life like it is something to be proud of. Start with these women who try to look like they have it all figured out. Because in reality they have not figured out life, but rather only destruction.


Nicole Graves

P.S. Planet Fitness and grocery store security cameras I have been on would be the best place to start to find some of these women.

Dear Security Cameras

Dear Security Cameras

I have enjoyed the safety that you all have provided, thank you. Hi, my name is Nicole D. Graves. I was born in Springfield, Oregon to Donnie and Margarita Graves in March 1981. I grew up in the Kudearoff cult there and have been trying to escape my whole life. Please help me.

The Kudearoff cult are covertly trying to kill me and using gang stalking to do so. Military people from out of state, mainly the Army, are the ones who are the mostly responsible for the daily attempts of my murder, but some locals to Santa Fe, New Mexico are responsible as well. If anything happens to me test my bones for lead and run a tox screen to see what other biochemical weapons and mood altering substances they have been using on me via the grocery store foods and smoke bombs.

I only eat meat and occasionally potatoes and have been in Santa Fe for a couple weeks now. All the grocery stores here have taken part in these attempts of my murder, mostly Market grocery near the Veteran’s Cemetery though. The records of my food purchases are on my USAA credit card ending in 0699. Every time I have returned an item to the grocery stores it has been due to poisoning. Not all the stores have refunded my credit card, but there are enough returns to have left a really good trail for you all to follow. The men who work in the meat department are the most to blame.

This has been going on long enough that it has to be effecting the whole community in Santa Fe. How long can we as a society allow this to continue? My family(aka the Kudearoff cult) is torturing not only me, but all the children and people in the community with poisoned food, water, and smoke bombs. However, people just act as if it is not happening, because they do not want to become hunted like me. I would love if you could help me before I die, but if you have to wait for me to die, then here are the pieces of the puzzle that you need. I have written this blog(and my other blog www.stripclubjournals.com) and recorded you tube videos(these will be great to play for a jury) for documentation. Please stop my family(aka the Kudearoff cult) from poisoning and killing more people in a covert manner, even if you cannot help me.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Nicole Graves

Working Class In New Mexico-Day 71

Dear Working Class People In New Mexico,

I see you with your cortisol spiked, your pupils’ dialated, and your heart rate elevated. You realize you are killing me with your actions. Your inability to treat me as sovereign human being is what I have been fighting my whole life. Your hands will be just as dirty as the people who sell me poisoned food and just as dirty as the doctors who operated on my head. How can you claim to be human when you treat me so inhumanely? Especially when you know who I am?

It has been 71 days of running from my family cult the Kudearoffs and my blog is one of my limited sources of contact with the outside world and it is extremely censored still. I have worked so hard to even make it to New Mexico alive where there are more freedoms than anywhere I have ever been before only to have you people who have spent a lifetime enjoying this peace to deny me my personal freedoms. If you don’t stop being selfish, I will not be able to survive, let alone thrive and accomplish my revolution.

I have survived daily attempted murder for over 40 years. Can you take a stand to treat me humanely or will you remain more like them than you ever believed you were?

Love Always

Nicole Graves

Dear SS Soldiers Of New Mexico

Dear SS Soldiers Of New Mexico

I see those of you not dead inside looking at me with annoyance. How dare I make you have to do what you signed up to do! I have spent my whole life dealing with people like you, but I am the first of my kind you have met that denies the dark side as superior. I understand you have conformed to the world the way it was and did what you thought needed to be done to ensure you and your children have good lives. I can see the value in your decisions. Unfortunately, I never was given the option you were given.

However, when you look at me you are faced with your own humanity or lack thereof. The thing about the SS soldiers is they sign up to have a better life, but it ends up destroying them in the process. It is hard to continually carry out the evil of others and not take it on as your own. Remembering your heart and knowing love is almost impossible with this way of life. In your efforts for a better life, you curse your family with the same birthright of evil I was born into. Is this what you really want for your children, to never know love? To only pursue the destruction of others, rather than their own potential and greatness? Do you want your children to remember your love feeling like hate?

Dark empathy is inevitable when dealing with people like my family.


Nicole Graves