Springfield Oregon People Of Walmart

People of Walmart in Springfield, Oregon have you looked around and seen the reality of your situation? You look at me with fake smiles and enjoy my pain, but have you seen what I see? Do you all feel the pain you are experiencing? I may not be hip to the war games you all play and/or what you get out of such endeavors, but have you noticed that none of you all are healthy and happy? And have you noticed that people do not view health and happiness as a prerequisite to breeding? Even wild animals are somewhat aware of Darwinism and seek healthy mates.

Most the people of Walmart in Springfield, Oregon have experienced the short end of the stick when it comes to the war games my family cult partakes in. However, the people of Walmart are proud to be considered a part of the dark side. Which makes absolutely no sense. These people were born into a broken system that sacrificed them and they do not hesitate to reproduce and damn their offspring with the very same birthright.

Why do you take joy in such idiocracy? Why are you proud of damning your children? Why are you perpetuating the pain you have endured? If you can’t beat them, join them right?


Nicole Graves

New Beginnings, New Dreams & Coconut Oil

Writing in my journal is not a private event, so I may as well blog about my random thoughts on life. Can I just say I am so impressed with myself for figuring out the blogging thing so many years ago. I never really put it all together until recently. But wow, my need to document everything as a trauma response has really kept me alive and/or a threat. Well, just being alive made me a threat, but my ability to revolt when I just thought I was standing up for my rights as an individual human with civil liberties. Maybe being revolutionary is partially about being able to put yourself first, because you do need to save yourself before you can save others.

Talking about safety, I found a job finally that I feel will actually noriush my heart and soul. It was scary out there looking for a way to earn money. Money has always been where I have slacked. I enjoy making money, but I was never taught to be self reliant or lead to believe I am deserving/worthy of money. Also, allowing me to even dream of financial independence went against my family’s agenda to keep me enslaved to a man close to me for my whole life. A life that would have ended in the desert years ago if they had their way.

I still am processing a whole life of lies. And it is a lot, but the past is the past. No one can change the past, only learn from it and move on. The mental torture is what really crippled me when I was younger. Being told I was crazy my whole life and that I was the wrong one for expecting to be loved and/or not abused, are major factors in the person I have become. I am stronger than I have ever been and will continue to grow beyond what I ever could have imagined. This year has made me strong. Never in my life would I have believed last year that I could do half of the things I have done this year.

Evolve and grow, but remember you don’t have to traumatize yourself rushing the experience because it is a lifelong process that is never-ending.

Tons Of Love & Coconut Oil

Nicole Graves

It’s Just Me Against The World

“It’s just me against the world.”

Did 2pac have a birthright like mine? Because his lyrics are sure starting to make more sense lately.

My whole life everyone has had this out to get others mindset that I just did not understand. They get great joy at the expense of others pain and misfortune. Now I understand people will gladly roll others under the bus and/or poison them because they view it necessary for survival. My family has even viewed poisoning and torturing me as something they had to do in order to survive. Their survival depends on my non-survival. My family has never been about love merely obligation and loyalty.

Are all families like this? I would really like to think there are some normies out there and not everyone is a cult member. I know there are normies out there because even in my sheltered existence I have met a few. If I have met them, than they have to exist in greater numbers than my family cult wants anyone to believe.

Beliefs… can you imagine learning of my family cult while running for your life from communists and bikers in the Southwestern deserts of Arizona and Nevada? And learning these people are your family? The family you thought was dysfunctional and cult like, but never did you think organized enough to create something so to scale. It is like a franchise though, because it isn’t their idea. It is like they bought the blueprint from someone else. Only to carry on as if it was their own invention. Like they invented fast food.

What a trip, right? Yah, I am still processing it all. Honestly, it just makes me want to laugh. Can you imagine all the feelings and just how much they encompass? I know I can’t, its overwhelming. Forty years of lies, torture, abuse, and Truman Shows. But then again, there is a large part of me that is quiet like never before. Finally, I understand what all the covert messages were about and why every time I talk to someone there are at least two very different conversations going on. The overt: what they are actually saying, and the covert: what they are thinking and feeling.

If it wasn’t for this odd and yet peaceful quietness on the inside, I would have gone crazy by now. Maybe it is my soul, maybe it is my higher self, maybe it is my guides, maybe it is all of the above. But somehow somewhere all this mess is meant to get us all back on track. I do not know much about being a cult member, they were so sure that I would turn them down they never even asked me to join.

However, I do know about humans and humanity. Humans seek comfort and to soothe their nervous systems. These are things you can bank of them. The moment humans are out of survival mode, like after being chased by a lion, they will seek out comfort. Creature comforts are what can kill a person slowly, erode their mere existence right before your eyes. Creature comforts are how my family cult gets you(and me too). It is hard to believe that less is more because the math just doesn’t add up. But in this odd reality we are all taking part in with war games and covert agendas maybe the math just does not apply to us.

Love Always

Nicole Graves

Today’s Gaslighting/Brainwashing Event:

My Mom keeps talking to me about marriage, children, and why I shouldn’t do either. However, this is the same woman who told me she would be happy when “I found someone to watch out for me” in my early thirties. Now I am guessing what she really meant was find a man to covertly cause you chronic illness and attempt your murder on a daily basis with a side of love.

Plus, gaslighting just pisses me off and makes me not want to even try to play their covert games. I remember the overt to covert incident of my early childhood and so I remember the people you all get to see. It’s all a charade. Everything is a charade. We are only playing these covert games because somewhere someway we believe this is the best it will get for us.

We believe as a collective we are not strong enough to take a stand. I saw this when I was running. The world is way more scared than I could have ever guessed and I understand why now. So tonight, do something revolutionary to calm your nervous system and maybe repeat it every night to come! Something that you can commit to doing a few nights a week, if not every night. Something small or something big. What I have been doing lately is going for a 40 minute walk with the dogs and my Mom every night. The more we can collectively do for our well-being, the closer we will be to believing we all deserve better.

Be revolutionary tonight, so we have a better tomorrow to work with.

Why Here & Rants and Raves

Do you know what it is like to know Stokholmes Syndrome better than love? Frustrating, because as a logical human I know I should Not have all these kind feelings for people who have repeatedly tried to destroy me. The only real people in my life that have not been orchestrated by my family cult are my family cult. Talk about a double edged sword of irony, huh?

Also take into account, if anyone else fails at “controlling me”, they get the wrath in one way or another. There is always freewill and romantic indevores seem to be a reoccuring and inefficient detour of sorts, just based on my life experience. So, now do you understand how I have ended up back here in Springfield/Eugene. I see everyone asking, “Why here, of all places?” To my family I am just another family member to a certain extent. In the rest of the world, I make people experience a fear/cortisol reaction because of the ramifications I am associated with. No matter how much I like or dislike people there will always be the many people who participate in making my Truman Show. And the closer to me the people get the more likely my family will ask them to partake in their war games. My family are all already playing war games, so they are easier to predict based on past actions.

And let’s be real. I am creating a reality that helps comfort my nervous system, because being stressed is a way to perpetuate disease. I need to be kind to my body and focus on me. It is time to rebuild and that starts with my physical being starting biologically with my guts literally. I ate potato chips today for the first time since Texas and yah they were okay but they just are not worth the guilt and extra exercising. I have gained ten pounds from being home and it is time to get off the dairy train. Omg so much cheese, cheese on everything, and sour cream too! I have eaten so much since being here and I need to stop. I have gotten back into my intermittent fasting this week and god it helps me feel centered and like their is purpose to my day. Eating all day and watching movies is just not something I am good at, I did that for years when I was sick just waiting to feel better. Now that I can get out of bed everyday, I feel so blessed and lucky. Some times the little win’s turn out to be the big wins, because it was all the little wins with my health that led me to the big win of most autoimmune remission. Sure, I still have a reaction to eating nightshades, but do I always have a full fledged flare to them, No. Life and healing are all about progress and time. Give things time and they normally get better, if you are heading in the right direction. Life is an interesting journey that will never change and cannot always be planned for.

Love Always with Rants & Raves

Nicole Graves

I Don’t Know The Rules So…

I don’t know the rules of this covert war and no one seems to be willing to inform me overtly of these rules. Therefore, I am free to do as I wish. How can I abide by rules I am not aware or informed of? Maybe Asperger’s is more of a blessing than I could have ever imagined. We may be at war covertly, but my brain only does overt realities and facts. Every time I try to talk about this covert war I experience gaslighting. So what am I supposed to do, live in fear of rules that no one will explain to me? Ha! That just sounds like an illogical bad deal.

My family has always been annoyed by my insistence that almost anything is possible with time and commitment. Perhaps, now I understand why they look at me with so much disdain. They live in a reality with limitations from the covert rules and are disgruntled that I do not live in the same reality. How exactly am I supposed to share in their reality if they don’t talk about it overtly? Mind reading? Yah, pretty much that is how we have gotten to this place. Well, that and the poisoning and daily attempted murder.

Today, I had a second interview for a sales position. My gps lead me to the wrong office building, but I was still able to find where I was meant to be. Does your gps lead you on wild goose chases when you are doing things my family cult views as a threat too? The office building off Coburg road lit up my lymphatic system when I went inside, the poisoning was strong. However, it was not as strong as the call center I worked at in Sierra Vista when I was just beginning to exercise my freewill to be independent. My family cult will try to stop and punish me, but the thing is they will do these things no matter what I do. It is just part of the loose loose situation that goes along with my birthright. They will forever torture me any way they covertly can, until I can buy myself out of many of the things society requires(aka social norms) again. It is what it is.

The lady who interviewed me today had swollen eyes and an extremely backed up lymphatic system, so they have been torturing and punishing her for awhile already. Biotin in large doses helps with the swollen eyes people. It helps fight the systemic candida infection the gases and poisons cause. Basically, my family cult will torture everyone any way they can whenever they feel like it because poor health and fear are what keep people manageable and small. This is something so many people who willingly and eagerly sign up to work with them forget.

Anytime anyone chooses freewill that does not benefit the socialist agenda they will be punished. Even if they are being motivated by capitalism and their own best interest. It is in the best interest of my family cult for you to remain small at all times and costs. You become a threat the moment you escape survival mode. Look at the members of my family, if they are so powerful why do they remain in survival mode? Why are they not thriving? Why are their cortisol levels so high they are causing other diseases in their bodies? Does that seem like success to you? Success does not create disease the last time I checked, but maybe there is a covert dictionary that I have missed out on as well.

Love Always

Nicole Graves

Narcissism, Gas Lighting, Gang Stalking, Birthrights & Munchausen By Proxy

I tried asking my Mom why she had children knowing they would have a birthright. And I was told in a condescending tone that I am the only one who sees any of this stuff. I can’t help but try to have a real conversation with someone. Maybe one day someone will actually be honest with me.

Being gaslighted and told I am crazy is not new to me. It is something my family has told me all my life. I had to learn to deal with it a very long time ago. When I was little my Mom used to tell me that she would have had an abortion with me if it had been legal. It took me years to get my hands on the information and to find out abortion was legal when I was born, this was before the internet. And when I confronted my Mom with this information, she told me she never said that. Gaslighting has been apart of my life for as long as I can remember. My being an INFJ is in part due to gaslighting. I have never been able to trust people as much as my intuition. People will forever lie to avoid accountability and we cannot control others or make them want to be honest with us or themselves. So, we all have to do the best we can with what we have and trust in our intuition when dealing with other people, especially people who gaslight.

Your personality type is dictated by the way you were raised and treated as a child. Less than 2% of the population are INFJ’s so this means I am not alone and there are other people who have experienced gaslighting and narcissism to this degree. I wonder if any of them found out about the dark side and rejected it. I am sure my family cult tries to kill everyone who rejects the dark side and it’s rules of marriage and reproduction.

Guessing from the graves and people I found in Santa Fe and my other travels, those who do not marry and/or reproduce get the biochemical warfare to a great degree and rarely survive. However, I did meet a 90 something man in Arizona who did not marry or have children and he was “special” like me, but he was a warden of the state after an “accident”. Plus, I have girlfriends I grew up with in Springfield, Oregon who reproduced and died before we were 40.

So, is having children really a way to ensure survival or is it merely a way to get more souls involved? I am not sold on reproduction, but it seems to be what they get a lot of people with. Why do you all have such a hard time having abortions when you know that your children will bare the same birthright as your own? Are there people out there that actually benefit from the war games enough they desire to pass that privilege onto others?

I feel guilty for rescuing dogs, how can you all reproduce and not feel guilty about it?


Nicole Graves

Integrating My Past, Present, & Future

Here I sit in Oregon at my Mom’s house, in the same house where I grew up. After living my life as an underachieving failure, running for my life from countless cult members, and finding out who my family and I am, I am tired and emotionally overwhelmed. No one will honor my truth overtly, but they look at me with so much intrigue, shock, and wonder. I may not understand who I am completely to people, but I know I am more than they ever expected.

The love of my life is my dog Haywood. He has shown me everything that people are supposed to be and yet are unable to be towards me. My birthright to me just means that humans cannot treat me humanely and my family will forever view me as less than. No wonder I have felt cursed my whole life. I keep wondering if other people feel this way. Are there others out there like me? I have given up on this notion, but my heart still earns to believe there are others out there.

Where do I go now? How do I move forward knowing all I know? People may have an idea of me, but they do not know me, not even my family. I have survived against all odds and now is time for me to live my destiny. My destiny is to be happy and contribute to society in a way that gets me paid. Working is something that has always driven me to move forward in life and provided me a sense of community, accomplishment, and happiness.

Traditional happiness is not in the cards for me. Never will I be able to partake in romantic love, even though it was sold greatly to me. No one can love someone who becomes a powerful possession and/or weapon when in their hands. I am human, but other humans have a hard time seeing past my birthright and inability to follow the rules of my situation.


Nicole Graves

Do I Want To Be Right or Do I Want A Chance At A Life

Do I want to be right or do I want a chance at a life? If I keep pointing out the obvious flaws in this world that everyone else has covertly learned to ignore, I will never get a chance at living a life of my own and the gaslighting will continue. No one wants to talk about what is going on in the world with the covert war that is right in front of our faces. And my desire to talk openly about it just makes everyone uncomfortable.

However, if I ignore what is happenening I am no better than anyone who has ignored my pain and suffering my whole life. All the people who have disregarded my pain and made it worse by gaslighting me about the state of the world and my life have made me who I am. They have motivated me to be anit-social . But maybe that is the lesson is just to keep to myself and live in my own little world. Success, independence, and using my brain is what I value most. And I too need to watch out for my own best interest, just as everyone else.

With a heavy heart I am going to stop asking why and just deal with the world the way it is. I just want to live a good life with my munchies and enjoy the child free and partner free life I have fought for. Yes, this does feel like rolling over and dying a bit inside, but it is what it is. I want to realize some of my dreams that are still within reach and I need to fight for that instead of fighting for people who lack the gumption to stand up for what is right. I can’t fight a war by myself and being revolutionary alone does not work either.

I hope you all have learned something from my fight for life. I won my war for being alive without having to have a child and get married. So, I am more revolutionary than most. I can accept this as a win. I did not have to find my savior in another and that is revolutionary for someone with a birthright like mine. Maybe I gave hope to some of the children who are in similar positions, but most likely they don’t get war game updates and have not even heard of my escape from death.

I just don’t want to play this game anymore. I am going to focus on health and healing like I promised from the beginning and focus on my independence. Hopefully, I will make it to a point where I can travel and talk to you people about health and healing in person, because that is still something that would make my heart sing. And maybe that is the revolutionary person I am destined to be. I am going to start new again in real life so I may as well do it online too. In the next couple days I am going to redesign my website and wipe a clean slate on my IG because I deserve greatness and greatness in this world requires a brand of silence that will take some getting used to for me. Do I forgive everyone who kept me in the dark and suffering? No, not all the way, but I am working on it. And I need to stop focusing on pain to move forward. Will my heart ever be free from all this pain? No, not all the way , but I am working on it.

I have seen myself walking on the beach with my munchies and if I want to realize the dreams of my future I have to put away the past. And that means forgetting that the world and my family have tried to kill me over and over. Even sentencing me to die alone in the desert. Will I ever forget? No, but acceptance is the first step in overcoming anything.

Love Always

Nicole Graves

Always be revolutionary in some way, even if it is not quite as imagined.

100 Days… Going Home

100 days ago, I left Sierra Vista Arizona and went home to Oregon looking for answers, while running from bikers and military people motivated by my family cult. Home is a bit of a mirage, but it is also the only home and family I know. It is difficult to remember I am living in a covert war when I am not around by my family because they have gifted me with an air of discomfort when around them. I crave this discomfort because it keeps me safe and reminds me of what’s real and true.

No matter how much I desire their love, it will always feel tainted with hate. Why do they try to repeatedly kill me? Why do they enjoy my pain? Why do they want to keep me small and sick? Why do they use love as a weapon? What have I done to them or to deserve this? Why do they seek such destruction? Why is the world so dark?

Despite having even more questions than answers, I start my journey back to Oregon again tomorrow. My family will act like they care on the surface level, but they know I am someone who believes that love conquers all. So, they use my love as a weapon. Have I ever known love to be anything else than a weapon though?

I have never known real love from a human other than my Grandma Kudearoff. However, I also realized my Mom had a trauma bond with my Grandma Kudearoff and when she died my Mom was absolutely wrecked. So, I can only assume that when my Mom dies I will be a bit wrecked myself. Not necessarily because we have had a loving relationship, but because our relationship is rooted in trauma and my longest human connection.

Their is an odd brand of safety in seeking out comfortable pain and discomfort. After realizing how upside down the world really is, I need my upside down family to make me feel okay about it. I am not someone who can just move forward after learning everything I have learned on this trip and just try to be “normal”. I cannot accept that people trying to kill me is normal, even if it has been happening my whole life.

How many other people out there are facing the reality of daily attempted murder by the ones they love? My Grandma Kudearoff begged for them to kill her, so I know I am not alone.


Nicole Graves

98 Days…Who Would You Choose To Kill You?

Who would you choose to kill you? This is something I have been thinking about a lot lately. Society seems to be killing us all, but somehow and/or somewhere along the way I seemed to have earned more than the average when it comes to daily attempted murder. It has something to do with my birthright and no one has ever really explained it to me. Covert messages are not really my bag.

I miss my Mom, but I know my Brother is killing her and I am pretty sure they will have to try to kill me too. The people in Eugene/Springfield know of me well, but they know more of what my family gossips about me than who I really am. If my family really knew me would I have made it this far? This long?

98 days ago I left Sierra Vista, Arizona. I had been there alone since 2018. Before that, I lived in Las Vegas alone since 2015. It has been 6 years since anyone really tried to get to know me and I allowed it to happen. Everyone gets to see pieces and sides of me, but no one has earned the whole picture ever. I had been so poisoned and medicated my whole life, I never even really knew myself till wandering the desert the past 6 years.

Can anyone truly know you when they do not know themselves? I repeatedly see people who know more about my birthright than I do. However, these are people who do not know themselves. I may not know my birthright, but I sure know who I am as an individual. Also, I know this is the person people are not interested in knowing. This is why I write.

Value the people who are truly interested in knowing who you are. These are the people who will make you a better human. These are the people who will encourage you to follow your dreams and challenge yourself. These are the people who will push you to live outside your comfort zone and face your fears. Do the things that make you feel small and scare you, this is where you will find who you really are.

This is why I am going home with hopes that people are really ready to get to know me. I am so much more than my birthright.

Love Always

Nicole Graves

When Everyone Expects You To Go Right, Go Left

When everyone expects you to go right, go left. Maybe this adventure/trip wasn’t about me changing the world, maybe it was about the world changing me. Now that I know what is really going on in the world, it puts everything into perspective. My world has forever changed and gained not only perspective, but more empathy and compassion. This allows for more of my book smarts to turn into wisdom with real life value.

Never did I think this journey would lead me back to Oregon, but it will always be my home. My family may be dark side evil royalty of some sort, but to me they are just my family. And now that I know how crazy the world is I understand just how strong they really are to exist in this reality. A reality they knew I would be unable to handle.

I have misplaced my anger about the state of the world on my family, mostly my Mom, for my whole life. They could have easily broke me and told me the truth about everything. However, they allowed me to live in my rose colored glasses reality because they knew I could not handle the truth. The world is way harsher than I could have ever imagined, even though I have experienced quite harsh realities myself.

We all do what we believe to be right and I may not agree with what all my family has done, but I can respect that they thought they were doing the right thing and protecting us all. I am not made for the dark side and I am more than okay with that. In the end, I am glad my family protected me and let me be who I really am. Because isn’t that what family is all about? They accept who you are and protect that person at all costs. They have allowed my weakness the time I needed to become my greatest strength.

Love Always

Nicole Graves

I Will Forever Be Enslaved To My Mom

Trauma bonds are intensely strange things. Especially, when they are with your primary caregivers. In my mind I understand them logically, but my heart still earns for what is familiar. My Mom is my longest relationship out of any human and she is the one I crave comfort from the most still. It is so very strange, because she is also the one who has caused me the most pain. Yet, I love her and always will no matter how hard I try to make it stop.

This is what some of you are doing to your children. You know what you are doing and you do it because it works and it was probably done to you. My situation was/is extreme, but aren’t all trauma bonds a bit extreme? When trauma bonds you to another the connection is rooted in pain. However, you crave the familiarity of it, because it feels like love.


Nicole Graves

I Understand Now

Here I sit in Pearland, Texas on a couch watching Netflix and I understand now. I was a judgemental asshole most of my life because I was uninformed. I know what it is like to feel treated unfairly, but this is the first time I somewhat understand the extent of the situation. Before, I always thought there was a way out, an escape if you just tried hard enough. However, now that I have pushed that envelope to the edge I feel defeated.

I let you all down and I let myself down. I see it in the eyes of the people here. They are filled with shame, guilt, fear, and hopelessness. It hurts to see you all in so much pain. Especially, knowing that I did not understand the whole story as I have made you all feel bad over the past 95ish days, if not my whole lifetime. Now I understand why my Mom and Brother watch tv and disassociate so much, because I sat here and did that today and it felt good.

All the food is poisoned, the air is full of gas, and I feel out of control. This is the perfect storm to keep people controllable and small. This is why I felt imprisoned my whole life. In Sierra Vista, I may have been in a death camp, but I had such hope. It was the first time I felt like the one in control of my life. I knew I wasn’t subconsciously, but I felt more in control of my body than ever before.

Never in my life would I have thought this was how the world really is and I am sorry for being so judgmental.



How Can YOU Help Me?

How can you help me? You can join my revolution and be revolutionary with me. No one person can save me, but a group of revolutionary people can. My Mom always told me there is safety in numbers, it must be a cult motto.

Subscribe to my You Tube channel and start learning about autism, narcissism, narcissistic abuse, complex post traumatic stress disorder(cptsd), and start detoxing your body of heavy metals while supporting your liver. Awareness is the first step to solving any problem.

Also, please reach out to anyone you can that you think can help me. My access to the outside world is limited more and more as time goes on and it was extremely minimal to start with. The more people who are aware of the battle I am fighting, no matter how uncomfortable it makes them, the better. Write, email, call, tweet, direct message politicians, reporters, people who have escaped our/my cult, etc. Cause as much of a fuss as you can while establishing your freewill to be a healthy sovereign human being in a safe manner. There is safety in numbers.

I look forward to the Utopian society/retreat we one day will have where we will soothe our nervous systems and heal our Autism so it is the strength it can be. Thank you my revolutionary people. I appreciate each and everyone of you.

Love Always

Nicole Graves

Dear Aunt Lana, Aunt Lydia, & Uncle Brett

Dear Aunt Lana, Aunt Lydia, & Uncle Brett,

Why are you all not helping me? Aunt Lana you have been enslaved to my Mom for my whole life. She still pressures you to partake in her dark war games that she greatly enjoys, but you are not dead inside completely. You refused to come over to her house when I was there about two months ago, because you did not want to play her games with me. Why does our family feel like I am worth sacrificing? You are my God Mother and you know my Mother has never been interested in my best interest or even my well being, but you do nothing still. How do you do this? I understand you have to watch out for Der, but how do you rationalize the ten years before he was born?

Aunt Lydia & Uncle Brett you both are also my God parents. I remember when you were young, in love, and so fun to be around. Do you remember me? I still do not understand these war games completely, but there has to be something you can do. You all have watched me be tortured my whole life and just turned your heads the other way, pretending it wasn’t happening. Is that what you are doing now? Have you written me off as dead for your own sanity/conscience?

I suppose I really do not expect you all to do anything, but I just needed to vent. Why didn’t you all just tell me about the war games, instead of letting me endure a lifetime of pain? I still love you all.

Love Always


Autism Is Linked To My Family Cult

I was raised in Eugene/Springfield, Oregon in the 1980s. I had never heard of Autism or Asperger’s until I was in college and I met someone with Asperger’s. Still, I never thought twice about it really. However, this past holiday season I started watching videos on TikTok and I found myself sucked into the videos about the Autism spectrum. They all seemed to explain so many things about myself that I never could quite understand, even after going to doctors my whole life about my anxiety and dis-ease.

Now looking at the people I have surrounded myself with, I see they too show signs of being on the Autism spectrum. Please, if you grew up in Oregon research the Autism spectrum. Especially, if you have “special interests”. Autism is not proven to be caused by just one thing, but Asperger’s has been linked to overexposure to toxins during pregnancy/gestation. With all the lumber mills and other signs of modern industrialization in the 1980’s Autism is something that could be plaguing a whole generation.

Never in my life would I have thought I had Asperger’s genius, until I partook in detoxing my body for years. After removing heavy metals from my brain and body for a couple years, I cannot believe the difference it has made. It is like stepping out of a fog and into the light, both metaphorically and literally.

Signs of Autism

  • Extreme sensitivity to light, touch, and sound.
  • Repetitive behaviors like hand-flapping, messing with your hair, rocking, jumping, or twirling, etc.
  • Constant moving(pacing) and hyper behavior.
  • Fixation on certain activities or objects, aka “special interests”.
  • Delayed language skills as a child.
  • Delayed movement skills as a child.
  • Avoids or does not keep eye contact.
  • Epilepsy or seizure disorder.
  • Unusual eating and/or sleeping habbits
  • Gastrointestinal issues.
  • Anxiety, stress, or excessive worry.
  • Lack of fear or more fear than expected.

To all my friends with anxiety in Oregon, maybe you just are on the Autism spectrum and just need to learn to soothe your nervous system? I love you all.


Nicole Graves