Your Voices Say It All

Absolute power corrupts all.

My Mom gave me all the answers yesterday. It is just fun in my weird reality to get her to do her old sick helpless person act and watch her interact with some of the people who we pass when walking the dogs. I know you have vested interest in this war when you partake in the talking of nonsense with my Mom. Can all of you sell your houses and move because the property records will always exist. I may not know the how or when of anything really, but in my life I have learned to just collect information until the pieces come together.

I have experienced the worst of the worst when it comes to people trying to turn me to the dark side and in turn trying to punish and destroy me when they fail. When you all see me, I hope you are reminded of your weakness. Of course, I am angry. Of course, I am hurt. I just do not express these feelings the same way you all do. Sure I could try to get even and start poisoning my Mom and Brother, but then I would be just like them. I do not accept that this way of life is how humans are supposed to live. And when you give in and start trying to get even in the same manner in which you were hurt, you loose and give up your power.

I heard in your voices yesterday when I was making cold calls at work that you all know it is me. If I have to learn to over come objections better than most, I can do that. I have always had to be better in order to survive.

Love Always

Nicole D. Graves

Just To Keep Everyone Honest Let’s Do A Daily Blog

So, wow! What a crazy weekend, huh? The world changed again. I wish I could really experience these changes like you all, a little further back from the action. I am thinking this past weekend puts so many things into place. I changed my whole reality once again. Good thing I am good at hallucinating and questioning reality. I hope you all question everything, too! It is good for the soul.

Everyday more pieces fall into place as I notice more. It is interesting, if I look at it from an outside perspective. If I look at it personally it is just filled with hurt as it was designed to be.

My old roomate from Las Vegas (who I met in Salem, Oregon many years ago) is related to the owner of the insurance company where I work. I told my Mom they reminded me of each other weeks ago and she said something that made me brush it off. But I can only accept what people tell me with so much faith. I have to think so many things through in my head, about everything. People are a lot of work. Covert warfare is just so draining.

Say what you mean for Christ’s Sake!


Nicole D. Graves

Hitler Lived In Commanche, Texas

If I follow the bone structure I am lead back to my Great Grandpa Bennit, my Dad’s Mom’s Father. He was a Farmer in Texas who helped me aquire my love of small dogs. A man of few words who ate bacon and eggs every morning. A small Farmer who raised homing pigeons. Never would I have guessed he could have started a World War.

Everyone has lied my whole life and dear lord does that make me angry. Can you imagine enduring the greatest evil as family? I had surgery on my head when I was 8 in true Holocaust fashion as punishment to make me more manageable and here I am my Dad’s worst nightmare. He had not taken over when I was younger. That happened around when I was 8 as well. Now I understand why my Mom’s health got bad around that time period.

The men in my family are not smart like not book smart. Sure they can build things, but they have problems reading and doing math. My Dad stopped helping me with homework in the second grade and told my Mom to do it. Why do this to people who are supposed to run the dark side? And why make the women super smart and then punish them for it?

I am pretty angry and the pieces are still falling into place. But now I understand why you all have such a large cortisol response to me. Guess I never could have imagined just how serious my family is about their serial killer ways.

So what’s with the people with red hair? That’s what is still intriguing me. Are they from when Hitler invaded Norway and Denmark? My best friend growing up was Norwegian. There are a lot of descendents of Nazis here in Oregon, way more than in many places I have been. This was supposed to be a Mecca of some sort. What were they planning here? Because we can safely assume they have not stopped, but merely have been delayed.

My Dad has recently been sick. I wonder if it takes his death for his reign to be over. My Brother is already starting to experience the built in self destruct button of his gut bacteria. The thing is the people in my family are not disciplined enough to overcome their gut bacteria. They do not know how to heal, only how to destroy and in the process they are destroying themselves.

So what happens now?


Nicole D Graves

Hilter’s Eyebrows

I have the same cold stare.

What do you do when you realize you have Hitler’s eyebrows? Well, you go get your eyebrows done. I have been throwing around an idea about my Dad being a decent of Nazis since my first trip to Oregon this year when I was running from bikers, communists, and military in April. However, I never imagined that my great grandfather was freaking Hitler. This explains why my Grandfather Graves lived in Argentina and was rarely able to visit me as a child. Plus, why my Dad spent time growing up in Argentina. And why my Dad killed his Dad when we went to visit him in Texas when I was 8. And this also explains why I was tortured like my Dad as a child, but my Mom was not tortured in the same ways. It also explains why my Dad has had two wives that have died since he divorced my Mom. And why they have sent so many white/German/descendents of Nazis after me to get me to have a baby out of wedlock.

The Graves side of my family runs thin. They did not have extra kids like my Mom’s side of the family. This is why I am still alive and why they wanted me to breed so badly. This is also why my cousin Scott in Texas who was super close to me in age got cancer in his early 20s. This is also why the people in Texas were so angry at me. Thank you to the guy who flipped me off in Texas when I stopped to get gas on my way to Houston. It took me awhile to understand his energy dynamics, but here we are putting the pieces together.

So what do you do after you realize your relative started a World War? Well, I think it is time to make people choose sides. I have spent my whole life dealing with people motivated by my birthright. I did not seek these people out, they sought me out and got themselves involved in my life. Any of them could have told me the truth, but no they tried to use and take advantage of me. So now is time for me to use these people to push me forward in life just as they tried to use me.

Either you are with me or against me. If you aren’t with me there is no reason for me to help you hide your sins/involvement with my family cult. Thank you to Tony Robbins who helped me put the pieces together when he covertly gave me messages earlier this year. He is a descendent of the Nazi’s from Argentina just like my Dad, shoot and me. Just as his nephew who reached out and found me when I started a Facebook account.

I may not know all the rules, but I sure am putting the backstory together. Thanks Dad for letting me have the Holocaust as a special interest as a middle school kid. And thanks for being the most covert out of all the family, it has allowed me to not be emotionally attached to really anyone. Sure I care if my Mom dies, but why are you all not trying to kill my brother? He is 30 and still has not chosen to breed. Isn’t this a sin that is punishable by death in our family or are you just waiting for him to mess up and get emotionally attached to having sex with a certain woman? People in my family do not love. They only get attached to others who improve their quality of life like I have admitted to. The others just lie and pretend to have feelings. You all are just pawns in this sick game.

This is why the red heads look at me with such guilt, huh? They are descendents of Nazis just like me, but just not quite as evil. You know if I did believe in being a serial killer you all would be in a world of hurt. Maybe you all should count your blessings. Someone like me being born into my family is proof Karma exists. The world deserves so much better than this.

Love Always

Nicole D. Graves

P.S. This expalins Kipp Kinkle(the Thurston High School Shooter) with his red hair and serial killer ways. I wonder if his parents are related to my Dad? I bet Kipp is just as involved in this mess as me. Reactive abuse is how the Nazis do damage control. Kipp was a second child like me.

So,, Let Me Get This Straight…

So, let me get this straight. My family is concerned with keeping their identities concealed, but yet they have announced me to the world to deal with the ramifications of the backlash of their actions(aka cult activity)? This is why they are so concerned and have been trying to kill me pretty actively since I started blogging. Well this legit seems fair, huh?

Let’s talk my family tree. My Mom is one of eight kids to my Grandma and Grandpa Kudearoff who both immigrated to the US into San Fran and then moved up to Oregon in the 1960’s. The kids Nick, Alex, Stevie, Stan, Lana, Margie, Lydia, and Nina were all raised here in Springfield, Oregon and attended Thurston high school. Nick is the only one who has died, of a heart attack in his 40s, and shocking he is the only one who did not have biological children.

My Dad is from Texas and is one of three kids on the Graves side of my family; Penny, Patsy, and Donnie. Whenever I was younger and I told someone in Oregon who I was they always used to ask if I was from the Graves’ family in Cottage Grove. Now I realize they were asking if I was the Graves from the Kudearoff cult.

Marriage seems to be a way for women to hide the family they come from. The Kudearoff girls have married into the Hatch, Parades, Graves, Whiddon, and Crammer families here in Lane County. And my generation has also married into more families here in Lane County. No one in my family goes east of I-5 except me! And even when I go out of town people start to realize who I am within a day. I can travel literally halfway across the world and people will light up like they have seen a ghost, a royal, and/or a meal ticket.

So why are my family hiding who they really are again? Are they afraid to pay for their own sins? The sins that I have been taking the wrap for publically for a lifetime? Hmmm…. But tell me again why I should not shout from the rooftops my family tree and everyone who has ever been involved with my family?

You know my birthright was created to be a check & balance of power, right? There is no reason to withhold my potential from me, if the people in power knew they were truly supported by the masses. The people who fear and hate me are the same people who are scared of being accountable for their own actions. Why do things if you fear taking responsibility for them? And why are you blame shifting onto someone like me who is not in the know? Seems like you people who are in the know are the confused one!


Nicole Graves

Code Names, Surnames, & Middle Names

Can you imagine how tired I am of being treated poorly by people with narcissistic tendencies? I am pretty sick of it. Not enough to be a serial killer like you all, but still sick of it. The only power I have in the big picture is being me and the common theme that I have had to overcome throughout my life is people withholding information. Well, this is how I learned to read people. Just being around people helps me piece together the puzzle of my family cult. I try not to give credit for these pieces too often because I know the ramifications and this is the closest to a covert killer I get.

So, let’s talk names. You all don’t know my family’s names. It is as if you all have aka’s that are used just for cult purposes. Communication and gossip requires names, not necessarily real names but names. My name is Nicole D. Graves, my middle initial is the first letter of my Dad’s first name. My Mom and all her sisters are like this too. However, out of my cousins I am the only girl who followed in this family tradition(as my Mom has explained it to me). But there are other names that have been used for “tradition” purposes for the others. Like my Brother who is an Earl Graves and my cousins who are Lee Hatch’s.

You all really do not know who my family is, but I am sure you are getting closer to figuring it out. If my family cult is so proud of their way of life, why do they not want to take credit for what they have done? Do you want to know who helped me figured this out?


Nicole Graves

Have You Ever

Have you ever experienced someone committed to misunderstanding you? Have you ever experienced feeling like a round peg trying to be pushed into a square hole? Have you ever experienced these feelings/situations and had someone tell you not to be so uptight? Well, welcome to my world.

When I interviewed for my job, I was very upfront about NOT being neurotypical. Having Aspergers/Autism and being an INFJ means I am different. Not saying I am better just very different. However, people always assume that I am like them. Which I get because I impose my emotional spectrum on others too. However, my brain not functioning like others is why my family cult’s brainwashing did not work all the way on me.

I am different and this is something I have spent a large portion of my life fighting. In my 30s, I stopped fighting and accepted myself. Trying to be like a “normal” human is freaking exhausting and takes up so much of my energetic bandwidth. However, getting people to understand that acceptance works so much better than frustration and shame is even more difficult.

Aspergers/Autism, for me, means that I can feel other people feelings and bodies. I can feel their thoughts. Verbalizing anything and everything is something I have to work at extremely. Trying to explain things to people is hard, but it is even more frustrating to try explaining myself or my process to people who do not share in my reality(aka the rest of the world).

I do not know how or why I am good at sales, I just am. It is something that growing up in a covert cult has blessed me with. I have never met someone I could be real with 100 or even 50% of the time and feel like they get me. Yet, I can figure out and empathize with most people. Do you know how frustrating this is? Yet, it is my biggest asset professionally.

I grew up as an outsider in my family cult and in turn the world is committed to misunderstanding me. This is why I write and why I started blogging over a decade ago. I wish you all could experience what it is like to be me even for a day, because every time I go out into the world I am forced to experience the world of a neurotypical. Which honestly I am just beginning to think is a narcissistic world, lacking in empathy and understanding.

If you all could experience my world where fear is minimal, scarcity is rare, emotional spectrums are forever expanding, hope runs like a river through your soul and tomorrow is always a new day, I think some of you would realize I have more figured out than you all have ever given me credit for. Just because my process looks different and abstract and sometimes just plain ridiculous doesn’t mean I am less than. Proving myself to people is not really my style, but I do enjoy showing people who I am and that means it gets messy at times, because I am always making the most of a freaking ridiculously complicated brain, body, and life.


Nicole Graves

Thursday Morning Rambles

Everyday I get up at 7am and get ready for work as if I am just an ordinary human. Only to feel like I am getting ready for a funeral in my all black clothes. It feels like my own funeral in a way because what the fuck has happened to my life. I have become someone I do not recognize, but in the best way possible. I am doing things that no one ever thought I could do. Being merely alive makes me superhuman. I have done things most could never even dream of accomplishing.

There are eyes and ears from my family cult at my Mom’s house. Things I do over the weekend are brought up covertly in conversation at work. The people at work try to install fear programs in my brain. Like the other day the owner said something about a lady dying from breast cancer in six months. My family cult has started poisoning me even more since starting work, but especially since passing my licensing test. They are trying to get me to live in fear of dying, but is that really even living?

My coworkers are uncomfortable by the dynamics my family cult creates around me, but it is just the way my world has been my whole life. I may be lonely, but people will never make me feel less lonely. Being around people enforces my need to keep my distance metaphorically. People will never be the answer for me, but humanity could be the answer.


Nicole Graves

Everybody Who Is Anybody…

Everyone who is anyone is a serial killer in my family cult. This is how they get you engulfed in their evil. They create sins for you to run from for a lifetime, never to fully escape. This is why my survival is so maddening to so many people. Accountability is a superpower, but I can see how some of you just wanted to live your life. And then there are the others who truly enjoy the war games because they make them feel important and alive inside. It is an emotional spectrum that can vary day to day.

I passed my Oregon state school and testing this week. Now I am just waiting for my license back from the state. This was a test I was not supposed to pass. We will all have to see how long it takes to process my application. We can all pretty much assume it will take longer than expected for some random reason.

Gaslighting is still an great occurrance, but I have figured out another weird rule. My family is bound by some weird rules to be supportive in my new career. They have never showed support for anything I have done, so I can only assume they have realized they need to control the narrative of their side of the story in a public manner. I can appreciate this.

Now I enjoy my fake interactions with my family, because we all know how fake it is. But yall I can’t lie, it is nice to be supported. Even though it is fake, it still makes my brain release dopamine. This is how my family cult gets you with nlp. They tell you who you are and create a dopamine response, only to out of nowhere start chopping you down and keep you seeking their approval. Which you will never be able to completely grasp. It is a cycle that just keeps on repeating. At least, until you realize the patterns and escape.

What events in your life have been implanted by society/my family cult playing your body like a fiddle to get the desired hormonal disregulation that makes you self destruct? This is something I have found myself curious about. I see you all out there in pain and I have been in this pain before. What separates those who are willing to do the work from those who just are not willing to make the sacrifices? Is there a point of no return physically? or mentally? What makes people give up?

Hope is the answer. Hope separates the average from the great. When you have hope you keep striving for more because you believe in greatness. And when you believe in greatness, you can move mountains. Believing it is half of the battle. Once you see you are deserving and worthy, the universe works wonders for you.

Love Always

Nicole Graves

Leptin Resistance-Are You Always Hungry?

As I am recovering from my adventures in the desert, I am putting the pieces back together of what has happened to my body. When I was in the desert healing from cancer and autoimmune diseases, I became accustomed to researching my body as the science experiment it is. And after being sick most of my life and seeing the people in my family suffer from a lot of different dis-eases with many of the same roots, I have realized our bodies speak louder than words ever could. It is fun to read people’s bodies and see how much it differs from what comes out of their mouth. It normally is two totally different stories, especially the people around me.

Leptin resistance makes you feel hungry all the time and it can be a result of chronic stress. If you wanted to get the people to eat the poisoned food wouldn’t you give them hormonal imbalances that make them crave food and never feel satisfied? And this is on top of their gut bacteria that has been chemically altered since before birth to make them self destruct. Let me review. Okay so, you stress the people out and then wait for them to self destruct using food. And while they are busy with this process, you profit off the people with the profits from the food and medical industries. Hmmm… seems like capitalism, huh?

So it is all related. When I was on my adventure, the people dead inside looked at me like they were enjoying my pain when they saw me eating potato chips. However, they forget to take into account the fact that food is the very first thing that my family used to try to destroy me. I was obese as a child and I recovered. When I was in Las Vegas they poisoned me so hard in March 2017 that I gained 50lbs in a month with explosive autoimmune responses. If I was going to self destruct, I would have done it already. Sure living with my Mom and Brother who will eat poison to poison me is frustrating, but it is also a comfort zone I have lived in before for many years. If I can overcome this hurdle, you can too. It is all about cultivating your gut bacteria. I am not saying I am perfect, but I am saying I am a conscious work in progress. Our gut bacteria and microbiome is constantly changing and is not something you can work on one day and forget about the rest of the week. Cultivating your microbiome means being conscious of your daily habits and taking into account how the small decisions will add up and effect you long term.

Pet a dog.

Eat fermented food.

Eat coconut oil.

Put high quality oil on your skin.


Nicole Graves

Sunday-Moon In Pisces & Sun In Virgo

Well, Virgo season is upon us. Leo season was just the fiery event I needed to revive my motivation to keep going the rest of the year. 2021 is over halfway over. Where did the year go? I know I spent the year running/adventuring from my family cult and discovering some of the covert rules that have complicated my whole life. Who would have thought at the beginning of this year that I would end up here at my Mom’s house? I know, not me. This is a special kind of hell for me, but it is also a comfort zone of dysfunction. Overcoming my family cult and their beliefs/values has been a lifelong burden for me. However, now I just understand it all more.

Where would you go if you were me? Do you drink the water? How does the biochemical warfare effect your emotional spectrum? Have you ever even thought about what the chemical and biochemical warfare does to you personally? Have you thought about what you can do to minimize the effects of your exposure to this toxic world? Have you ever taken action on these thoughts?

The biochemical warfare raises cortisol more than just the Autism alone. This limits the body’s ability to communicate with the universe and process emotions/feelings. Long term exposure makes people forget they are missing something. Then they look at people like me like I am less than and I am missing something. When in actuality you all are missing so much and you don’t realize it because it has become your comfort zone.

Comfort is how my family cult kills you and keeps you small. Your gut bacteria is what keeps you small and how they control your “freewill”. They equip humans with a self destruct option with all the immunizations, antibiotics, “modern” medicine, and processed poisoned foods. Why do you not want to learn about your potential? Why do you not want to experience the potential not only of your abilities, but of your body and in turn the world/society. Why do you fear the unknown? Why do you want to talk/gossip about people who venture away from the heard, instead of exploring the world yourself? Do you realize gossip is a trauma response where you are trying to grasp the collective consciousness that will allow you to live in the same shared delusion as others, aka mainstream society.

Why do you choose to be like this?


Nicole Graves

“Destruction is the greatest weakness. In destroying others you destroy yourself.” ~Me

Mind Dump & Nicole News #2

Good Morning my revolutionary people! Day #141 🙂

Well, it has been another long week of daily attempted murder, but here we are surviving and working our way to thriving. I have been studying for my Oregon insurance licensing test. After getting my Arizona real estate license last year, I am getting good at these tests. But boy oh boy will I be glad when I have passed and this is the past. Studying while being poisoned is hard, but something you would think I would be used to after my whole life. When I was in grade school(first or second grade) and they tested us kids for the gifted program my Mom poisoned me beyond belief during this time period.

My Mom has been trying to kill my gut bacteria and make me self destruct since before my birth. It is weird spending so much time with her. I enjoy seeing her have time and relax, now that she is newly retired. Also, now I understand more of why she did not try to accomplish more in the real world after my parents divorced. Our family cult did all the things they are doing to me to her, just in different ways. Everything for people like me is more complex and takes more time because you have to find the right foot work to get around the crazy. For instance, the internet is not a place that allows for time saving accessability for me. I had to find the testing centers phone number and schedule my exam by phone so I could take it in person, but first I had to write an email to the testing corporation to get the information I was seeking because limiting my access to information is the name of their game(but they did let me send the email and this is something that was impossible for most of this year).

Fun fact: Not using online banking on all my accounts is what has helped me survive this adventure/ordeal. Anything you look at on your computer is fair game for my family cult, but they still do not seem to be overt enough to open mail. It is a federal offense, but that does not stop them from hacking wi-fi, even bank wi-fi like the Del Norte Credit Union in Santa Fe. The less you use modern technology, the less access they have to you and your information. But who knows, maybe they don’t pick on you all as much. But judging by your fatty livers they do, they just have gotten you all to put up with it and play dead. I get it. I have started drinking the poisoned water as if it is the only choice. It is better for me to drink the poisoned water now and focus on the big picture, than it is to freak out about the water. What are you all focusing on while you play dead?

One of my neighbors looked at me this week and I don’t know if we made eye contact, but I saw his heart and soul. It was really painful and yet heartwarming. There are a lot of people like me in my generation. Most of us are just scared to speak up because we know our parents are capable of murder. Most of us have watched our parents kill. We know their “love” will not stop them from destroying us. So, is it really even love or is it hate? How are we supposed to differentiate when love feels like hate and always ends up destroying us? Can love even really exist in this world? I know from seeing my people along my adventures that we do know love. However, my Truman Show in Oregon makes me doubt the existance of love way more often than I would like to admit. But this is what I need in this moment to reach my goals.

I have seen the way the white people look at me with fear, guilt, and a cortisol response. It makes me want to look behind me and go where is the lion that is chasing us. Then I look back at them and realize they are looking at me like I am the lion that is chasing them. When did I become a predator? I am just trying to live my life. You know if I knew the rules this would be a lot easier on all of us. I have been keeping to myself and hanging out with my Mom because my family cult will use whoever I am near to complicate my life and harm me and emotionally abuse me if I allow them close enough to have the opportunity. People are not allowed to emotionally connect with me and be genuine. Either that or the whole world has forgotten how. It may be a bit of both!

So yeah, here I am doing my fancy footwork and trying to go back to being a normal person who can blend in and care about what I look like. It seems dumb to worry about my looks, but you all are so very shallow. I knew this and it is part of why I have fake boobs. Being attractive means when people look at me and I am done up, I create a dopamine response in their brains. The fake boobs give me another 30 to 60 seconds of time before people will look away or before they decide not to buy what I am selling. Funny, this is probably why I enjoy working on the phones even though I have gone to such large extents to be visually appealing to you all. One day I want to connect with a human without having my family cult or my looks be the determining factors. One day.

Please do your gossiping. One day I will need to pick a partner in life and I need for people to know what that will entail without me having to explain and sound like a crazy person. I am unsure if I will find this person in Oregon or if I will find them while traveling. But there is freewill and I have been pushing my freewill to find the limits. Comfort is how they kill you, stay out of your comfort zone as much as possible.

Comfort kills. Love Always

Nicole Graves

Mind Dump/Nicole News #1

I added up how much I pay annually for my websites and hosting and such. Wow! I am not utilizing this as much as I should be. But what is the point? I bought my first domain just to share my story and thought process as a stripper and a human trying to make sense of it all. It was an interesting life and I got opportunities I never could have imagined. And now my life continues to be of interest for more reasons than I ever could have imagined. Who dreams or imagines stuff like this? Smh, it’s unreal, but would you read the book? 😉

Most of you who are still alive inside look at me with such pity, it’s weird to be able to see people’s humanity. When you respond emotionally to me, I can see you. It’s weird, but I see people. And this week, I finally figured it all out. I can see energy and I see this darkness around people who are in on the war games and it has many different shades/levels. However, I have been searching for years to figure out where this darkness was located in the body and I learned so much about personality disorders and health and curing cancer, etc. I have looked everywhere trying to find this missing piece of the puzzle. So I could help people fix their darkness, because all emotion has physical origins.

This darkness is your gut bacteria infection. If you wanted to control the masses and make them manageable, wouldn’t it be smart to create an environment where they can self destruct when stressed? In my opinion, this is the key to being covertly revolutionary: Take care of yourself! I know I am just some crazy lady taking about your microbiome and gut bacteria all the time. I have survived the unthinkable please allow me to share with you what has kept me alive.

Your microbiome controls your brain and your emotions and your hormones and your body and your everything. Have you ever checked in with your gut bugs and seen how they are doing? I have moments when I forget, but then I remember to check back in and they are quite forgiving. As long as you take care of them, they will take care of you. And I don’t mean eating fiber in excess either.

I feel the best when I stick to a keto/carnivore diet and avoid all fiber. I stray here and there, but the longer I am on plan the more I can handle eating carbs once in awhile. It goes against everything I was for most of my life, as a recovering vegetarian of almost 20years. But you know what? You have to do what works! And honestly I never healed quicker than when I was on the run eating raw ground beef. It did something to my body. Plus, I got to experience clean unpoisoned meats in some places. It was kind of magical.

So, I am back to work and I am having to do licensing again. My brain hurts so bad, I am so tired of state tests after AZ real estate last year, but I got to keep going. Literally, there is no other option. There is great power in understanding and knowing your position. I know the job is within my wheelhouse completely! The phone is the only time I get to be just another human to people. Plus, I love making strangers my best friend because rarely do I experience a person twice without my family cult getting to them. So, I have to absorb what I think about a person in the first meeting most times. And I have to stick with that impression because when I question myself I doubt myself and that leads to self doubt and that is just a slippery slope. That’s a lot, huh? So yeah training sucks, but I am so excited to talk to people again. It’s been since January. I am so grateful to have a job that I can get excited about, but I am also human and I am a bit overwhelming and just trying not to question myself. Learning computer and policy things are so overwhelming because it is so much information that just needs to be committed to memory. And it is information that you will actually need to long term retain to use in daily practice when needed. Talk about a bit nerve wracking.

End of dump: squirrel!

Nicole Graves

P.S. Thank you to everyone for everything. Just being home is a good feeling in some really strange ways. But familiar is comforting to the nervous system, don’t give more credit to what you have always done/experienced just because you do not have something to measure it against. 🙂 xo

Cultivated My Microbiome To Improve My Epigenetics This Week. How About You?

I cultivated my microbiome to improve my epigenetics this week. Not the most fun I have had, but I always learn a lot. The gut is your second brain and eww the stories it tells! After doing my extreme elimination diet on the road and then landing back to my Mom’s house, I have gained 20lbs in about a month and am ready to get back on board with my healthy ways again.

Health is a bit of a struggle up hill due to all the poison and the toxins at my Mom’s house, but trying is better than giving in and just taking it(aka rolling over and dying). I have things I want to do in life and that means I need to feel well enough to do those things. It is a struggle to stay on carnivore/keto with all these carb filled foods around. The snacks are what get me, I want to snack and I was not a big snacker in Az. So this snacky part of my microbiome I had to have developed while on the run(aka from eating potatoes). Thus growing my gut bacteria.

My running theory is with diet, fasting, and herbs I can alter my gut bacteria to no longer want to partake in this dopamine causing act if I get the biological factors in my favor as much as possible. Also, I am hoping this will help with my willpower which has gone to nothing with food(boredom!). I know it has to do with emotional eating for comfort and being triggered from all the pain, unfairness, and trauma that I have experienced in this house and with my Mom and Brother. But on the other hand, this is just what being home has always done to me. Of course now, I need to take into account that the water and the food and my things gets poisoned here too. So this should be about as revolutionary as things get, because anything you all can do to get your brain and body working more in your favor the better.

Try Herbs/Methods to alter your microbiome that I use: Clove essential oil, Diatomaceous Earth Food Grade, apple cider vinegar, fermented foods, coconut oil, caprylic acid, ginger, turmeric, aloe, garlic, biotin, and chorella/spirulina. Adding just one of these things to your daily routine can make you a better person literally.

Knowledge is power. But Action is God.


Nicole Graves

You Don’t Know Me

Today, I saw why my family cult keeps me hidden as much as possible. I met a man at work who’s energy said so much more than his polite words. White men have an interesting dynamic to their energy when they see/experience me. Their cortisol spikes and their body goes into fight or flight when they are familiar with the cult, war games, and what I represent. This is how I have learned who I am mostly is by studying the reaction people’s bodies have to me.

The man I met today had the same guilt and cortisol response as the white police officer that approached me when in Santa Fe about parking in a residential area overnight. The ethnic police officer who did most of the talking that day in May, Julian Martinez, was lacking in both of these responses. Julian had no guilt, but rather felt entitled to his position of authority. He even went as far as to covertly imply that there was nothing I could prove about my family cult. His reaction to me screamed, “if I could not overcome the rules what makes you think you are better than me.” He deemed what he was doing as the right thing because he gave up fighting for what is right so long ago, probably in childhood even before he dreamed of being involved in law enforcement. Ethnic people break in childhood normally, because there is no other option offered.

Isn’t it funny that people have judged me as inhumane for having abortions to avoid my children having to experience the pain I have endured. But the same people who pass this judgement are the people who covertly attempt the murder of their children on a daily basis. So it is okay to covertly kill your children, but heaven forbid you stop any possibility of them suffering for a lifetime? If you do not wish to willingly give your offspring a better life than your own, you are merely using them as a pawn for personal gain.

Today at work I was reminded no one knows me. They think they have a lot of information about me, but whoever is giving them the cliff notes is not an informed consumer. Emotional intelligence is key when dealing with people, but especially with dynamic people.

Stay Mysterious! Xoxo

Nicole Graves

P.S. Today, cemented that there are a group of white men/families that boss my family cult. This explains why there are so many white people who are so very invested in the war games and creating evil, but they have not experienced much evil themselves. Only the weakest of those who have experienced great evil actually turn evil, the strong question everything and let logic lead them to the light.