So yesterday I said something pretty impactual. But isn’t the truth always supposed to be impactual?I do not understand why my family feels entitled to torturing people and killing them, but they do. You would think that it is common sense that we are not supposed to kill our family members let alone people in general.
The owner at work told me I needed to call people I know to quote them insurance and get the system down over a week ago. Did he know that I would get glimpses of their evil when I talk to them? I put it off for a week, but I gave in and called this week because I need to learn. I am starting to understand that most people do not feel all the things I do. I mean I knew this, but I can never gauge where others are. Reality is relative.
When my Mom gave me the list of referrals she knew that I was going to make people uncomfortable. This was her goal. She wanted everyone else to feel like she does. I am chore that is never completed. When I was little they used to tell me. “We will kill you and make another one just like you.” Well, they were lying with me because of my birthright, but for most of you they were telling the truth. A lady working checkout at Sprouts in Santa Fe told me about how she was taking care of her grandchild because her son was dead and she covertly hinted something about it all. She killed her son, but waited for him to have a child first. And she even had a tattoo memorializing her son. So what they have tried to do to me, they do to a lot of people. I am not alone in my pain, but I may be in my survival.
My Aunt L almost went through the roof when my Mom invited her over for dinner when I passed my insurance test. However, my Mom did not tell Aunt L about me passing my test till we all were seated at the table because she wanted to see her face/reaction. Seeing others pain is a show to be seen for most of my family.
Work dynamics are interesting, but I figured them out. When I was really young and my parents still kind of liked one another, my Dad used to get mad at my Mom for being so overtly into destruction. This is what is happening at work. The lady and young man I work with are too overtly into destruction and the owner wants to be more covert. They all poison me at work and then look at me like I am the idiot when I am not successful at sales.
This has happened to me my whole life. People poison me, I get sick, and they get mad at me for getting sick. It is such a weird dynamic. However, I am not supposed to say a word about anything. I should just take it. This was the theme for my relationships with Tae H. Roe, Anthony Ryan Payne, Ryan Traw, and Tristan Purvis(this is the one my family killed). They all tried to kill me, but through the years I started asking for more in return. Now I am at a place where I have been given everything possible with a side of destruction and it just was never enough. I want to be treated well, shoot maybe loved and/or liked.
The lady at work is nice to me like my Mom is nice to me. I appreciate the help with learning, but I have to keep my distance. I understand she thinks getting close to me is a good idea and something she will be rewarded for, but it is not. My family cult will just torture her more if I allow her to get closer. I am sure people are a fun, but for me they are prison guards.
You know this would be a lot easier if I knew what the rules were and what the goal is. Sidenote, I am starting to think that what they were planning here in the 1980’s when the world went dark has been moved over to Utah. The people there had a lot to say with their energy, but it was different than the people here in so many ways. But this is just a guess. However, my guesses seem to be getting better than I can gauge sometimes.
Nicole D. Graves