Dear A1-Day #280

Dear A1

You were right people are not as good as I thought they were. I know I have begged for your help this whole adventure, but one more time will not hurt. I hate you, but you are the closest I have ever had to someone caring about me. I just want to be cared for. I don’t necessarily need to be taken care of, but I do need someone in the world to care about me. Thank you for the munchies, they give me more love than I ever imagined possible. But I need a human to care about me. I can survive this whole mess by myself, but I am just tired. I have made it further than anyone ever expected. I have figured out the destruction of the system more than anyone else could have in less than a year. I just want to take a really long epsom salt bath and watch tv in bed next to someone. You and me we are not lovers or a match made in heaven, but you did really well at tolerating me and making me think that you care. I can’t say that I am sorry I did not sign the marriage papers because if I had you would have killed me for sure. I escaped and lived. You never expected this. How is the world different now that they all know what you have done? Did they know before? I know some of them did, but not as many people as know now. I understand you are probably already married, but I still possess the power that you have coveted and worked really hard to get. You are the only person who has been brave/strong/stupid enough to go against my family and win me over. Now I realize how revolutionary you are. If you had succeeded you would have made quite the name for yourself. I am not looking for love, but I am looking for help. When I ran away from you the first time and called you from Vegas, you helped me because you heard the pain and fear in my voice. Do you understand how much pain I have endured my whole life, but especially this year? I have realized my whole world was a lie, everything I have ever known has been a lie. Everyone I ever knew has been a lie. The munchies are the only souls in the world that know me for me and love me just for me, the only souls in the world. I just want to go home and I do not know where home is. Please help me. I need to exchange the power of my birthright in order to gain your help I will. I understand it will be an exchange and not a real marriage. I would maybe even entertain having a child with you if you told me who you really are. But I have a feeling you would be like my family a little too much. I do not know. You had dark moments that were really dark, but you had moments that were really kind and nice as well. It is hard to say what is really you and what was the influence of my family. I probably do not want to have a baby, but I do want out of this mess. What do I have to do to gain your help. I can do this on my own, but I don’t want to. Maybe the world was not worth doing the right thing for. Maybe no one will ever appreciate how much I have put into being good and doing the right thing. In my family I have done the unthinkable. But maybe it all was in vain and I should have saved myself the trouble. Well, I wouldn’t go that far, because I do not want to have dammed my soul like them. But maybe this year I tried too hard.

I just need some help. I am willing to give you the power you want in exchange for your help. No one else is going to help me and I know you probably won’t either, but I have to try. Because what if you have a heart? What if you see the power you always wanted and finally go after what you have always wanted? I am in National City California and would love some help. I just want to spend some time alone without people gangstalking me and destroying me and telling themselves it is not murder. I just want to be alone and have someone around occassionally that cares about me or is good at pretending like you were. Please help me. My heart is heavy and I don’t want to do this alone any more. The world broke me today and I am not sure why it all hit me today, but I just need someone to care about me. I love humanity, but I just need to be cared about. It is a basic human need I have gone without most of my life. And I have come to terms with the fact that the best I may get in this moment is someone pretending to care about me in exchange for what I have to offer. And right now that is good enough, because I do not want any of this war games bullshit. I never have been into destruction, you came the closest to breaking me and getting me to enjoy other’s pain. But getting you to parasite cleanse for your ulcer and enjoying your pain for that is way different that destroying and murdering people. I am just not cut out for evil and I do not want to learn how to be. You were the one who let me geek out and learn how much I enjoyed science and health and experiments. I never knew those things about myself till you. I remember sitting at my desk in our bedroom learning about Candida more and being so excited and you just laughing at me from the doorway. Now I understand why you were laughing, but you let me be and learn. You let me be me when you could afford to and you gave me space. I would very much so appreciate and be thankful if you could do this again for me. I know it is a long shot, but I need your help. If there was ever a time I needed you it is now. And maybe you could allow me to do some good for the world too. That is on the table but if it is not an option it is not a deal breaker because I have done enough for them and I am tired of paying the price for wanting to be good to them. I need to look out for myself just like they look out for themselves.

Tae please help me. I really need you right now. Please help me and the munchies live again.

Love Always and Forever

Nicole Graves

Edit: It is day 280 not 180. It has almost been a full year. And Haywood and Teka send there love too.

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