Dear Mom-I Want To Come Home

Dear Mom,

I would like to come home. But not to the home that destroys me. I would like to come home to my bed not having poison on it that makes me feel like I am going crazy with cortisol. I would like for you to get to know my dogs and spend time with them without you destroying them. Maybe it is a pipe dream, but I would like you to live a long retirement and be there for me. I don’t have anyone and I would like for you to be there for me. Remember, when you told me the story about how you wanted to leave Dad before I was born , but Grandma Kudearoff would not let you come home. This is your chance to let me come home. This is your chance to get that life you wanted when you wanted to go home to Grandma Kudearoff’s. I want to get to know you more than I have ever wanted to know anyone. And you know I love reading biographies and diaries so that says a lot. Mom, I want to come home, but I need to be able to trust you. And I need clean food, water, showers, laundry, etc. I cannot live in destruction any longer. But I do not just want to be living with a man I do not have time to prescreen. Help me change the world and help me choose a husband. Give me the gift of time, maybe even teach me about the war games.

I just want to come home and ferment some foods with you and work. But I can’t do that unless you are willing to be revolutionary and that means treating me right and following the war games rules and not allowing Brother to destroy me. The thing is when you save me, I can save you too. I need you Mom, more than ever I need you. I have survived a lifetime of destruction and I am still willing to love you because I know you have survived a lifetime of destruction too. Please allow yourself to be human with me.

Love Always and Forever Your Daughter

Nicole

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