I understand having a baby and getting married are the two things that can really save me and probably humanity too. However, I am not looking to be reactive and rush into a bad situation. Having a family is something I have put off for so long because my family was really hard to survive. When you grow up like I did you know evil. And the fears of repeating it are what drive you to be a good person.
Power and control do not make having a family more appealing. It freaks me out even more because there is more on the line. I understand the church does not believe in divorce and I really do not either. Loyalty and respect are things I can bank on, but romantic love has never brought me long term happiness. I have always known I would have an arranged marriage of sorts, but other people do not seem to understand my lack of wanting to create the cookie cutter life.
I would prefer to marry someone from an ethnic family like mine, but I am unsure if this will be an option. Can a person from a family like mine even get to me if they want to? No clue, but something to consider. What if I chose to marry a native American so they can get back some of the control that we all took from them? What if I just marry some random white dude who can agree to listen and keep me safe? How the hell do I explain the situation I am getting someone else into when they marry me?
It takes time to create anything worth while.
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