I figured out why I got so sick while working at B and R Autowrecking. I got upset because they were holding me back and making me be a cashier rather than do the job they hired me for. When you get stressed, anxious, sad, fearful, upset, etc it changes your breathing to a more shallow version. This causes your body to become too alkaline. So yes the showers that I took were a contributing factor, but being upset was the main cause.
I learned this because this week after Teka ran away and got kidnapped my ph has been off. It has been hard trying to cope and be grown up about it all. Teka has needs I can’t fulfill on my own she needs a family. In the past 486 days she was the happiest when we were at my Mom’s house. She had a Grandma, an uncle Ryan, a mom, and a brother Haywood. She lived the attention and she didn’t care that she was being poisoned. Everyone gave her treats and affection and she was in hog heaven. My mom would even go for walks with us most nights. She thrived having a family.
Now she is with someone on the dark side and everyone in the war games has a family. So she has more than one person to love on her and give her attention. Maybe they have kids too. They probably have kids it’s a dark side requirement. I got her to trust people again and live and feel safe and confident in who she is, but I can’t provide the structure and discipline she needs. She hated being at Amber’s when I went to work. Haywood loves it because he gets to go in a room and have him time. Hes more independent. She was so mad and anxious about not being able to be out in the living room with the people and other dogs. She didn’t understand the big dog would eat her. She looked at it as punishment. The kids had their own room in Vegas when I first got Teka. She hated it. I think she was locked in a room a lot during her life and left out. Being at Amber’s brought back all those feelings and she has been so needy since we came to or around February. This is better for her. I can be multiple people. I can’t give her the home she needs. But I’m still mourning. And I just have to breathe so it doesn’t effect my ph balance detrimentally. We had an amazing 5 years with her. We were the good option at the time because me and Hay were better than no one. And her affiliation with me has made her beyond desirable. My Dad wants to break me by hurting my heart, this is nothing new. However now I understand how it works. It’s all about ph balance. This is why everyone in my moms family died after my grandma Kudearoff was murdered. They all got sick and they have never recovered. Ph balance is a big deal. So many things in the systems of destruction aime to throw off your ph balance. The most revolutionary thing you can do is breathe, stay calm, and get some sun, and exercise even if that’s just walking or stretching.
Hay and I are to the 100 hour mark of fasting. We ate going to use this trauma to make us better, both of us. Hay has at least 10 pounds to loose. He was a little skinny thing till his surgery in Arizona. Just like I was til my last surgery in Vegas. We both have C Diff so badly and everything feeds it. The only thing I have found that doesn’t is raw meat, but meat has c diff in it because of the antibiotics that livestock are fed. C diff doesn’t die it just turns to spore form so I’m not sure if sanitizing meat is possible. I dont think cooking it kills the bacteria. It may make it change firm, but it doesn’t kill it. Pork especially bacon is full of C Diff. I dont think most people have as bad of a problem with it because they have a more diverse and strong microbiome. My gut bacteria has been warred on so much. I was on antibiotics most of my childhood. Every time I was sick they took me to get antibiotics. It took me awhile to stop saying I was sick, but I learned that doctors are not the answer. They are the problem. I was never given natural remedies as a child it was always modern medicine which aims to destroy. Educate yourself on how to handle the little things wrong with your health and your children’s health and you will be so much better off.
The cars fighting this war for my Dad have changed so much. Now its anyone who is willing can be accepted. All prerequisites seem to have been removed. However diesel trucks seem to always find their way to the roads around me. They dont get close like the new recruits but they do the drive bys.
I realized today the mob is part Argentinian. When I lived in Vegas my dad took it over a lot. It turned blue. The mob has to be upset about this. They built that city out of nothing. The mob museum in Vegas is amazing everyone needs to go.
I know the mob should scare me, but they dont. My family doesn’t scare me. They are just a bunch of dysfunctional people with more power than they deserve or know how to use properly. I figure if I team up with the mob, they would probably be able to get me a good job. That’s all i really want in the overt world. Everything else will fall into place once I have a good job. I have an interview Wednesday in Eugene for temp clerical work. I just need to earn some money and stop trying to reach my potential when my Dad has ultimate control over my destiny. When I can escape that is the only way I will ever get any kind of potential. And I’m going to have to breed to get it. Dont get me wrong I know it’s the right thing to do, but it’s the scariest thing. How am I going to be able to stay healthy enough to have healthy children. With my c diff infection and my gene mutations my children will have fancy brains and nervous systems just like mine even if I dont use my own eggs.
Sorry Haywood break.
So yeah, I’m scared of being held hostage and having children. But I’m already being held hostage now. So I dont have much to loose. Plus, if I can stop the world from having to endure even more of world war 3, it’s kinda my responsibility to do so. My family for generations has caused suffering. If I can stop the domino effect I can right a lot of wrongs. Funny I didn’t make any of this mess. Yet I’m the one who has to clean it up. I feel like a Mom already.
Tonight is probably the most important talk I will give. Seems like they just keep getting more and more important. The funny thing is I have no clue who I’m talking to. I just hope the right people are tuned in. I have no clue who the Argentinians are, but I know they are some of the most vicious people. They have overactive cortisol so much they have those big shoulders with hunchback. My family gave me a hunchback as a child and in Arizona. It’s a poison they use to make you produce more cortisol all the time. This is how I learned all my self soothing methods and how to be calm. I had to it was a survival mechanism.
I worry that I won’t be able to reach the Argentinians but I know that’s illogical. Salem has never let medown. Plus I know so many other people who are apart of many different communication hubs are tuned in. I know I have something to do with Ham radio. Plus, my Dad started sending all kinds of air traffic overhead last night when I was brainstorming and consulting Google. Its amazing how much information about the war games is on Google.
Its a hot one today, its 106 in Redmond and I’m laying in the grass in the shade with the Hay. I just got him wet and hes laying on my blanket instead of his towel. I missed him. Hes a spoiled boy, but hes nit one to compete for attention. Hes like me. Both of them represent such different sides of me. I need structure just like Teka, but I’m not able to create the structure I desire at the moment. Its rough, but its been like this most of my life. I hope it changes soon. Pray with me that tonight is the night we find our allies to prevent world war 3. And pray I find someone who allows me to be the master of my own destiny. I have all this power and I just want to be the boss of my own life. And I would like a few months to work and relax and really focus on my health. Health is worth fighting for, but it doesn’t need to always be a battle.
Just breathe. And please get all the Argentinians to tune in tonight. Especially the mob. My Dad has declared a covert genocide on them and stolen las Vegas from them. I pretty sure they will be pissed and maybe that’s what we need to find our allies.
Pray with me that everything works out as God planned and that his plan allows for me to find refuge soon. I’m just tired and I deserve a break with my Hay.
Nicole D Graves