My Grandma Kudearoff did not love me, she was merely communist and a covert narcissist. Narcissists/Sociopaths partake in sales and emotions are their weapons. This is why I am at my Mom’s because I still have hope that she loves me. I have spent many hours trying to figure out why I was born to two people who not only do not care for me, but they really hate me. Well, on this adventure I discovered why they hate me. And I can even logically understand their train of thought, but that does not make it hurt any less. If anything it hurts more. Not only are my parents like this, but there are many parents out there like them who view destruction as love. It is a bit overwhelming.
And then there is my Grandma Kudearoff who showed my brain what love was supposed to feel like. Using nlp, sales techniques, and love as a weapon my Grandma made me feel loved and protected as a child. I needed this, but she also needed this to keep my Mom in check. It is all about power and control and lighting up people’s brains.
My Mom’s version of this was to tell me she was beating me because she loved me when I was little. This is the most confusing experience for your brain. Love does not hurt, but this trains your brain to think it does. This is the roots of Communism. We do this because we love you. When in realty there is no love only hate and destruction.
My Mom called me a drug addict, a dry drunk, and a bad dog mom yesterday. It is annoying and hurtful, but she did get me to concede to no longer talking about the poison in the house. Which really is because she would just play dumb and get mad on the inside. Her act was not working and I was getting nowhere. The thing about suicide really got to them. How can they get mad at me for speaking the truth? Oh wait that is exactly how I got myself into this mess at age 4.
Life is just a series of patterns.
Nicole D. Graves
“Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius—and a lot of courage—to move in the opposite direction.” — E. F. Schumacker