I have never benefited from my family’s evil, I have only paid for it. My Mom is so relieved and I can understand, but boy does it make me angry. She is content with her mediocre life because she is got a great amount of joy out of the evil of our birthright. My Brother is carrying on my parents legacy and so I will just be a casualty of war if I stay here. I am tired of this repeating pattern of my life.
I have chosen to be the bigger person and not bring light to the sins of my parents and family because I do not enjoy their pain. But when they are happy I don’t enjoy that either, because they do not ever show remorse. The only way I can tell they have any understanding of what they have done is by their fear of death. Good people understand death is nothing to fear.
It is time for me to move on and really start my life for the first time ever. And I am going to ask for help one more time. I have permission to live in Northern California and I would like to live near the beach if possible. My family will get to anyone that I work for, so it is better if my employer know ahead of time what they are getting into. This adventure towards truth cost me my savings and all belongings, besides my dogs. However, I love to work and channel my anger to get me to places I was told I would never be able to go.
I can write blog posts, sell almost anything, and I have an Arizona real estate license. Plus, I am great at attracting attention no matter where I go. Once again my lack of sense of self really gets in the way of my seeing what I am good at, but I have a great desire to learn and achieve excellence. I just need someone who sees my worth to give me a chance. I am pretty sure as long as I stay in my lane and let my family carry on with their lives, they will allow me to enjoy the second part of my life undisturbed by their chaos. And if they don’t then I will know I tried and come back here and wait to die. That sounds so emo, but that is what they want me to do so they do not have to face or pay for their sins. I am tired of being sacrificed and writing countless emails to get a chance to be treated fairly.
So I am asking for your help one last time. I need a job so I have an opportunity to channel my anger into something positive. I need to create a huge positive ripple effect to make up for the evil my family. I have paid the most for what they have done and so I realize what a huge task this is. I am not asking to be given anything other than a chance. My Mom always talks about how we are not all born on an even playing field, but I wonder if she realizes how greatly I have paid for her being my Mom?
I completely understand if you all cannot safely offer me an opportunity. But there is a chance that maybe the wizard behind the curtain can reach out to someone and help me find a positive distraction for the dopamine machine I call a brain.
I just want to work and walk my dogs on the beach and enjoy the time I have left with them. They saved me in the desert. I would not have made it this far without them. I need to honor them as the angels they truly are.
Thank you all for your time and consideration.
P.S. I am still going to create a retreat for my people if it within possibility.