It Is War & We Are Dying

There is a whole generation like me. I knew that, but until today it never really hit me how impactual that is. My generation can reverse the damage of the old systems. And then the 90s children can create a new system that is catered to the way their brains work and all that follow them as well. My generation is the past, but we have been kept small and had our ideas and worth ignored for so long that we are just itching to make a difference and manifest our ideas.

Can you imagine having an overactive brain and being sensory deprived? That is basically what Asperger’s is in the old systems. I was kept alone in a dark room with not much in it as a child to break me. I know I am not alone. Perhaps, some of them broke like Mr. Utah. He has a fancy brain like mine and he has a heart and soul even though he does not want you all to know. However, he gave into destruction because he probably knew that his parents would kill him if he did not. I did not know that I would experience attempted murder my whole life if I did not give into destruction. They hinted, but I don’t do covert messages. They are just annoying. Say what you mean, damn it!

So yeah, there is a whole generation of people like me. Those of us who did not completely give into the destruction have been kept small. Those of us who did not meet the criteria of evil have been locked away in prisons. Prisons of mundane and ordinary. It hurts, but it is where you all are insisting that we stay. At least those of you who are still fighting for my family. Isn’t it crazy to think the least intelligent people in the world are the ones who run the war games? I know I am from The Family. They are not smart. If they were they would have stopped me by now, or killed me before it even got to this point. The only reason I am here in situation is because you all won’t stick up for me. You allow my family to play unfair. All of you, allow them to play unfair by not allowing me to have a life, but more a career and help the people. I have always wanted to help the people. Always. But I am destined to work a minimum wage job or maybe a dollar or two more and struggle living in my car in Oregon where it is cold if this is what it is going to be like. I understand you all want to keep your security, privilege, and good lives. But how long will those things last if I am not around? It is just hurtful. And you know all the others like me in my generation that did not give into evil destruction feel the god dam same. We are pissed off and too smart to hurt you all for your ignorance. It is a painful place to be. We talk but after not being heard, we eventually stop. I don’t know why I have hope still. I know I should not logically, but I have to believe that you all want a better way of life. Not only for you, but for your children and grandchildren. How could you not right? What do you need to feel secure in making the right decision? I have tried to ask myself this whole trip if I was you what would I need to know to make the right decision, to do the right thing?

My Grandma Kudearoff was great with people, she may have been into destruction on a personal level. But she made people feel seen and heard and she was involved in the union. When she got sick the people she worked with gave her their sick leave so they could help her get her retirement. She was a few days short of making it to her retirement, but they tried. The people loved her and invested in her. I don’t know why they invested in her, but I do know she made them feel love. Just like she made me feel love. What do I have to do to be treated like my Grandma Kudearoff? I am not interested in destruction, but I do want you all to know what it feels like to feel love and be valued and heard. I want you all to know you are important no matter who you are in the overt or covert world. I want you all to feel special and know you matter, no matter how much you have been told that you do not.

I may not be able to bond with you all over destruction like my Grandma Kudearoff, but I want to bond with you over the new systems and world we are creating. We create this world by changing ourselves. We have already started changing everything. The moment you heard what I had to say and it hit home and changed the way you think, that is when you became revolutionary and changed the world. That is the moment you changed your epigenetics.

There is a whole generation of people out there like me that can make you think and see things for how they really are. Look at the guy who invented Tesla cars, I forget his name, he is pretty revolutionary. However everyone who creates something great in the world the way it is now ends up selling out for privilege, because they feel they have to. Most people do not have the option to be like me, or they aren’t stupid enough to make the decisions to destroy themselves. They know better. They choose to destroy others, rather than be destroyed themselves. That is the price of success in this world of the old systems. Destruction is the only option. Is it you or is it them? It may be human for most people to chose to destroy others. However, I never chose to destroy others. It felt wrong. It hurt my soul. Choosing between destroying another and destroying yourself should not be a decision people have to make. It’s inhumane.

I want so badly to bond with you all. I know I have reached some of you all, but you have felt so far away my whole life. I am forever going to be a bubble girl who is unable to connect with the outside world until the new systems take over. Maybe that is why I am so set on being revolutionary. I am tired of living in isolation. I want to have people and friends. I want to get to bond with people, not have them be just another actor in my Truman Show. My whole life has been fake. This is why I love information and logic so much. Information, logic, and learning have never been apart of my Truman Show they were what I did to be revolutionary my whole life. I was not supposed to learn the things I learned. I was supposed to stay small and manageable. This is why I try so hard to reach you all and tell you what I have learned. Information is revolutionary because it changes people. When people know better they do better.

Have you all talked to each other about what is happening? Have you asked other people how they are dealing with this? Have you asked other people what they want to happen in the world? You know not reaching out to others is a maladaptive coping mechanism that the world has taught you to keep you small. If we all stay to ourselves we are easier to control. Freedom of information would kill the old systems in a heartbeat because freedom of information frees us all.

I do not know what to say to make you all be revolutionary. I have tried for 281 days to be revolutionary. And I have even gotten most of you all to be revolutionary and demand the more you deserve. But I just do not know how to get the last few of you all to see or understand. And I sure as hell do not know how to earn myself a better life, I just want a fair playing field and I have never been able to earn that no matter how hard I try. My family will not treat me fairly and that makes you all not treat me fairly. What needs to change so we can all have a better quality of life, me included? I want freedom. I want to not be destroyed overtly covertly everyday. I want to work and make a difference. I want to earn a living that allows me to take my dogs to the dentist every year, but especially this year. I want to be able to have a home or at least know where home is. I suppose I want a lot of things that you all take foregranted and maybe that is what is keeping you all from treating me fairly is your fear of being treated like me. I can somewhat understand because my whole family has been like that. They mistreat me in order to ensure they do not encounter as much mistreatment. I suppose it is human nature. But it is still not right. I am not sure there is any animal species that does these kinds of things naturally. And that is just it, until we change the systems we will all live unnatural lives. We will all be forced to do the unthinkable. Not just me, all of us. I wish I knew the right words to say. I wish I knew what to do, but I don’t I am just human too. You know that right? You know even though you all watched me grow up and live my life being tortured and being a training tool, when it comes down to it I am just a human. I never knew my family was fancy. I never knew anything about the war games. I just thought I was an ordinary person who made a lot of mistakes and had awful health. I spent my whole life blaming myself. And it is really hard not to blame myself for not knowing the right thing to say to you all to understand the situation at hand. I just want us to live and instead we sit here shaking in fear and putting off the future we could all have. It is a covert war, people can live their whole life without knowing about this war. Sure when we know we do better, but how are we doing better if we just sit and shake in fear of living a better life because standing up for ourselves seems too scary or risky. Is that really even living? If we live in fear is that really even a solution or are we just putting off the inevitable. You all know what will happen if we do not take action and go forward with the revolution. The world will get scarier and more dark. You think the world is scary and dark now, but can you imagine in a couple months if you all do not take action how bad it will be. See my Brother is an overt ruler who has never experienced power or success in the overt world. So he is going to make you all’s world a covert hell, because it is within his power to do so. Look at my life, this is what he does. He will do this to you all just for wanting to have a better life and being humane. My family is not humane and they punish people for being so, look at me. They will hurt you all, over and over. The only thing to fear is inaction. We are at war and on enemy lines and you are freezing with your gun in your hands experiencing gun shots. You all are going to get yourselves killed. This is a war there is no time for fear, you need to take action. You can experience feelings after this is all over when we are safe. But right now this is war and we are experiencing crossfire. You need to grab your gun and put on your big boy/girl pants, because this is the only chance you get to live. If you want to live in fear forever you can after this battle. There is no time for fear. And the only thing to fear is fear itself. We all have been at war our whole lives, just now you finally understand that you all have been warred on just as much as me. You need to suck it up and keep going. This is a time to be strong. I understand you want to break, I do too. But there is no time for breaking. You have to keep going otherwise they will break us all more. Is that what you want? Do you want us all to break more because we have just realized how much we are broken to begin with? We don’t have room to break more, to break more means death to us. You need to fight, because that is the only option. There is no room for fear because there is no room for indecision. You deserve better and either you stand up for that better in this very moment or you forego it for the rest of your lives and your children’s lives. It is not a wishy washy sitation. It is war and we are all dying.

Love Always

Nicole Graves

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