I hold grudges. I am forgiving but I hold grudges. I built this revolution because I believe in equality and I believe I deserve to be treated fairly. I believe everyone deserves to be treated fairly. It’s really hard for me to swallow that some of you all were supportive of my revolution and in me fighting for you to have more privilege and freedoms. But you never intended for me to have equal access to the things you all have access to. I was to continue to be a second class citizen while improving the quality of your life. In what world is that fair or right? Who do you think you are? I mean besides superior. What did you do to earn this superiority? Besides be born with the right color of skin? It’s not even what family you were born into because I was born into the right family by the way you all judge. However my Mom was of the wrong skin color so I dont quite make the mark to being one of you all. My Dad isnt even all white. How come no one seems to talk about that. Yes my grandpa Graves was my Grandpa but he was my Dad’s Dad. My Dad is south American. How come that doesn’t seem to matter to you all. Is 25% the magic mark that is acceptable for being mixed but still getting access to information, opportunity, and privilege? I dont understand you people. You are hurtful.
The people in Salem are the first people who ever showed me love. I have the most overwhelming feeling of love for them. These people are mostly white. Yet, they helped and supported me for almost 2 years more than anyone else.
The Graves family are the first family I ever found that wanted me to live. I thought that meant something. I was so excited to find my family. Did you all want me to live, but the catch was I would continue to be a second class citizen. Was I supposed to know my place? If we are family, how can I be so different than you? How do you logically explain that? Does being Chinese, Russian, and Argentinian make me less human than you all? And how do you explain that logically? I dont know how you say I deserve different than you without using illogical emotion like hate. I have always wanted good for you all.
Berlin is mostly white people and they helped me greatly recently. I’m still getting to know you all. But I thought you all wanted good for me. I thought we were changing the world together? I thought I was your equal? I have never wanted to be fancy. This whole revolution I have just wanted to be a regular ordinary person. Now I realize this is because I have lived as a second class citizen my whole life and never realized it. I was always told I had access to everything and I could be anything I wanted. But that was all a lie. As long as I believed I was equal I would keep trying and blaming myself for never amounting to much. How many other people in the world have been put in this same circumstance? Its literally the majority of the world.
The Aryans are a group that I thought were one of my biggest assets. Sure I had to threaten to declare a genocide on them, but when they decided to do better they did amazing things. I love them because I see what they can do when they decided to do better. They are amazing when they try. I forgave them when they put their efforts into creating better with me.
One of my greatest strengths is my ability to unconditionally love. When I love I love without conditions because it is the kind of love I have always wanted. I love all of you all. I love the world. However, I cannot continue to give my love to people who believe themselves selves to be superior to me and more deserving. Love is a gift once given it can never be taken away. So you all will always have my love. However, it is my choice if I continue to give this love.
Right now I know you all need me. You feel overwhelmed and you want someone to hold your hand and walk you through the steps of what you need to do in order to dig yourselves out of the hole you have gotten yourselves into. I stand behind what I said to the east and south about not breeding with you all. You all use the world to clean up your messes and I believe it is time you learn to clean them up yourselves. It’s not our job to help you. We are less than and not deserving so why should we help you? However, you all are capable to fix what you have done on your own. The funny thing is I have already told you all what you need to do. I have been preaching health, wellness, and epigenetics from the beginning of this revolution. I have given you the answers. Yet, you all are kept in such a stressed state, and diseased, and you all buy into learned helplessness that you have no clue how to move forward from here. You all are paralyzed with fear. I would love to be the person you need right now to hold your hands, tell you it will be okay, and feed you the answers in bite size pieces. However, you all have to be the people I need right now too.
I understand not all of you believe yourselves to be superior. However, none of you all stood up for me to be treated fairly. Sure some of you stopped trying to kill me and got others to stop trying to kill me. But no one stood up for me to be treated fairly. Not killing me is not the same thing as granting me equality. And even still you people try to kill me everyday. Yesterday I had the dry heaves when walking Haywood because you were poisoning me so much. Yesterday night I was the cold sweats while laying down trying to recover from walking Haywood. Every night I go to bed and wake up being poisoned by you people. Yesterday and every day my food is poisoned. There is E poisons in my water currently. You all are still trying to kill me. Some of you stopped, but not enough of you have ever stopped to give me a real fighting chance. But you all want and need my help. Why dont you all ask my Dad for help? He is the one you all show loyalty to. You all are so loyal to him you all continue to try to kill me every day. Why should I help people who not only try to kill me everyday but deem me not equal? Now that is really illogical. I should help save you all so you can try to kill me more and keep me a second class citizen? That sounds like a bad deal not only for me but for the world.
You all have to become the people I need if you want me to be the person you need. I love you all and I want to help you all. But I cant help you all if my efforts are going to be an expense rather than an investment. I want to invest in having a relationship with you all, but it can no longer continue to be a one sided relationship. If you want my help I have to be your equal. And you all get to decide your own fate. You get to decide if you want my help or not. I cant make you all change your minds. But I sure hope you do.
You need to show me you are the people I need in my overt life and world. You need to stop poisoning me every night I go to sleep and every morning I wake up. I need clean food and water. I need people to stop destroying me. Jason and Tony from Coldwell banker are already batting for my Dad and planning on destroying me. I know you all can get them to stop. But are you going to be the people I need? I’m just as desperate for you all to do the right thing by me as you all are for me to do the right thing by you. I want us to be family and create better for the world. But I cant help people who try to kill me, destroy me, and deem me a second class citizen. Its not logical for me to help people who dont want good for me.
So call the west out of this war against me. You need to all break the ties that chain you to my Dad. Because you all will never be able to be loyal to my Dad and me at the same time. Being loyal to me means treating me fairly in person and buying and selling real estate with me. As long as you are loyal to my Dad you will be unable to be loyal to me. I would love to help you all but I cant help people who aren’t loyal to me. And being loyal to me means being loyal in the overt world. No more killing me. No more poisoning me. No more setting me up to fail. No more making my life harder than it already is. You all get to prove your loyalty over the next year. Are you all going to make up at least half of the real estate transactions I do and prove your loyalty? Or are the east and south going to prove themselves to be my only family? Family supports each other all the time, but especially during hard times. During this hard time of yours you really want me to be there for you. I have needed you all to stand up for me and be there for me for a lifetime. You all have to give me what I need too. You have to show us all you know how to partake in a two sided relationship.The world cant help you all if you are always going to put yourselves first. We are willing to forgive you all and help you all if you show you are willing to do differently and better. However, you all will never be able to do better as long as you have ties to my Dad that chain you to the old ways. You get to choose your fate. You all get to decide who you are and the fate of your children. Its not just your lives on the line. It’s your children and grandchildren too. I hope you do right by them. Because you have not done right by the world for centuries. You can do better, but you have to do it. We cant do it for you.
Love Always
Nicole D Graves
Ps. My fate is now more tied in with yours than ever before. How hard will you fight for me now knowing that if I don’t get better you won’t get better?