So today was a fasting day, but I broke the rules and ate today. I still will get in my 14 days of fasting this month though. So tomorrow is the day I complete my month of alternate day fasting. However, I feel like shit right now. Because I ate and then drank water and went for a drive to look at farmland. I know better than to drink water and spend time in traffic. But some days you got to live wildly. Who would have ever thought drinking water and looking at farmland was living dangerously? But here we are.
So I’m trying to figure out who the group is still left hunting and gangstalking me. It’s a group from the east side that is not fancy or called upon much. It is mostly my brothers generation and retired people. They aren’t the typical superior white people. I’m still not sure who they are besides desperate to prove themselves. They have a mix of epigenetics from my Dad’s cult and Washington. Not the Scandinavians or the Danish people, but just the plain Washington people. I’m guessing the people associated with Arizona. I still dont understand why people my Dad has discounted for generations will sign up to destroy me in efforts to prove themselves worthy. You are born worthy anyone who asks you to prove yourself is getting you to sign up for conditional love and approval. Which will keep you right where they want you, always seeking approval and willing to do whatever it takes to gain approval. Basically it’s a bunch of people who have bought into not being good enough. And they are willing to do whatever it takes to feel good enough. But nothing they do will ever make them enough. But yet they still sign up to do the thing and get on the hamster wheel of conditional approval. It’s an army of people like my uncle Dave. My uncle Dave spent his life doing my Dad’s bidding in an effort to prove himself. He has tried to kill me on numerous occassions. He has sent numerous of his relatives to try to get me to breed with them. It is funny because even today after decades of proving himself my uncle Dave is still not enough. My Dad will never deem him enough because then he would loose his best soldier. The people left fighting are like my uncle Dave. They are signing up to never be enough. And honestly I wont believe they are enough either because they are assholes who are opportunists who do not believe in themselves or doing the right thing. Who wants to be around people like that? Only my Dad because those kind of people are easy to control. So those are the people left fighting for my Dad and trying to kill me. They are mostly the people who get gas at Fred Meyer’s. Whatever that means. One day I’m going to learn who all these people are to you people because I just see them as patterns of dysfunction. But I bet you all have better labels for them.
So I went and dreamed a bit. I dont know much about soil. But I know what my guts and nervous system tells me. I just have to listen because often i don’t know why I know what all I know. If that makes sense. But I know the soil is the best in junction city and monroe by where lane and Benton counties meet. This is where I would like to get farmland. It would be the best soil.
I drank my slurpee and too much water when I was driving. So I pulled over on the side of the road because I was going to pee. I dont use bathrooms. I pee outside because its safer. But a lady caught me after I pulled over on the side of the road. She accused me of dumping trash or animals. I told her I pulled over to check my tires. We got to talking and this was one of the nicest conversations I have had in years. She was a Danish woman who owned farmland in Benton county along hwy 99 west. She is one of the Scandinavian people I talk about. They have the best epigenetics and they fascinate me. My uncle Brett is half of these people. His Mom was one of them. I dont know why I like these people so much but I do. They have something most people dont have. They have a desire for potential and greatness. I think these were the people who ruled Oregon and the west coast when I was young. I liked the world they created it. I miss it all the time. I’m not sure what the lady I met today told me. But I know she is from the same subgroup as my uncle Brett’s Mom because she is related to northeastern Oregon.it takes me a few days to figure out the covert messages to what people really say. But I really enjoyed talking to her today. It was a weird familiar feeling that I cant place. Maybe it’s just having a real conversation. I miss real talks with real people. She wasn’t a Truman show cast member. So I’m glad she stopped me from peeing on the side of the road. It was nice to talk to her. She told me about Danish farmers. I hope she doesn’t subdivide her land. Maybe I can buy it after real estate works out for me. Land is the one thing God will never make more of. We need to cherish the land we have and care for it. We disregard God every day by the way we treat the earth.
So it was a weird day. Especially because I was up all night thinking about bacteria and carbon and nitrogen and worms and fermented foods. My mind was going a million miles a minute all night. It was like a tetris game when all the pieces come together to form lines and all the blocks disappear. My brain is like tetris but I have never had the pieces come together like that so much ever before. The older I get the more the pieces come together because all the information I have been collecting my whole life make up the blocks. I knew I was collecting this information for some reason but I never imagined it was to create a revolution and ferment the earth and people. It’s all so wild and yet oddly exciting. I finally understand my purpose on earth in this life like never before. Its basically finding myself for the first time in a cloud of darkness I have called a life. I am excited to see the world we create together.
But I suppose it is all about doing real estate first. So first things first. Uncle Dave can you call your people out of this war against me. I would really like to call a truce with you. I’m really tired of your relatives and people trying to kill me. I’m sure the world is tired of you all trying to prove yourselves too. You are enough but you will never be enough until you see it first. You are a pretty neat guy when you try. Why not try to be a good guy? You have a lot of things in life that you can be proud of. You dont need to prove yourself anymore. I hope you know that. I forgive you for trying to kill me at the rest stop in California in 2021. You caught me when I was in my own little world thinking of all the puzzle pieces. You tried to appeal to my sexuality which is gross and weird. Ewwwh. I hope you cultivate your brain and heart. Life is so much more than looking pretty. Dont get me wrong I enjoy my body too. But I hope you understand you are more than your body. Do better because you know you are better than you are acting. I’m sure when you have been hunting you connected with God. God knows you are better than this, but are you going to listen? Or are you just going to follow my Dad some more? That’s the delima you have been in since the 1980s. It’s about time to grow up don’t you think?
Love Always
Nicole D Graves