Moon In Gemini, Sun In Cap/Aqua

The sun moves into Aquarius either today or tomorrow and this is my favorite astrological season. I just walked the dogs in a residential area in Lemon Grove(I think? Lemon Something off the 94). It is East of 805 and they poisoned my Jeep while I was walking. I forgot what this was like. I stopped walking my dogs awhile ago because of this. I wonder if they poisoned my stuff too. I did not check, everything has been poisoned already. But when multiple people do it with multiple things that is when it gets pretty bad.These people have no respect, but I should know better than to expect them to be any kind of human.

When I was walking I was thinking Gosh it would be nice to live somewhere like here where they do not overtly destroy me. They covertly do it, but I forget how annoying even the covert stuff is, like poisoning my car and bedding. Today, I used a conditioner I bought yesterday at Walmart here in Lemon Grove and I knew it would be poisoned, but I was hoping not too bad because I went through so many of them. Well, I had flashbacks to Las Vegas after using it. A1 used that same poison on me. I used to ask him to help me brush my hair after I got out of the tub because I did not understand what was happening and why I was so tired. They used this same poison on my best friend growing up Amanda Hunt. She always used to wash her hair before bed and now I understand why.

I accepted an insurance job today in Springfield, Oregon. Next week, I will know if my insurance license gets accepted. And they are even willing to let me bring my dogs to work with me and they have a fenced yard for them to pooh in. I wonder how much they are going to poison us all? I am so tired of being destroyed. So tired of it. Sure I am high, but I am tired of that too.

The good news is I took a shower today for the first time in 5 weeks. And it was the first shower I have taken in months that did not get me high! Months people, months. It was so nice. I assume you all had something to do with that because I have been taking concentration camp showers for most of my life, but really badly on this trip. It felt really nice to get clean. Plus, it was really nice to see what I looked like naked. I have been doing a lot of fasting to help with dealing with the poisons and healing and tightening up my skin, and saving money. If you eat every other day, you save half your food budget. It is a win win situation there are no real losses other than you get bored.

I texted my Mom asking if she would spend some time with me and let me hang out for a few days before I start my new job so I can get situated. I need to wash my bedding so badly, but my Brother makes the laundry mats I go to poison water so my stuff does not really get clean it gets poisoned. He does this at my Mom’s too, but it needs to be washed. I really enjoy being clean and that is something that has been used against me my whole life. I love baths and I need to give the dogs a bath and their flea meds that I left in Oregon at my Moms. See I was not expecting to make this trip South. I grabbed a few clothes and my dogs and just bolted. I just wanted to let people know and I didn’t even know everything I know now. I never really know what I am doing I just follow my intuition. I have to follow my heart, but I have to do things to survive too.

So Feb. 1st I start work, if everything goes according to plan. They are going to destroy me so badly. I wish I could escape the destruction of my birthrights and my family. But I suppose the best thing I can do is keep fasting and just help my body process the toxins. Over the years I have learned how to deal with the emotional stuff, but it still gets to me because I am human too.

So, did you all hear my reading of my news update today? I think you all heard about the destruction of the systems. I could write it all out, but that would be so much work again. They sent people to gang stalk me and sit by me and poison me while I was doing it so I assume it got to someone. Mostly black people poisoned me today, well at least a lot of them. Do they get different news updates? I think so because the insurance guy who is black did not know everything the Aryan guy knew. But yet the black guy is more smug, he thinks he knows but he doesn’t. The epigenetic triggers have effected him so much worse and I wonder if he even knows it? He has estrogen dominance and fatty liver and the Dyslexic trigger is strong in him. This makes his body a breeding ground for cancer and addiction. I wonder if he knows that in taking joy in the destruction of others he is enabling his own destruction? I wonder a lot about what other people know.

I miss having nice things, but having nice things that are poisoned isn’t nice. It is just a better looking poison. I wonder how I am going to be able to pretend I am not being destroyed when I go back to Oregon. I don’t really want to wear makeup because it always gets poisoned. And I enjoy cheap clothes because why invest in things that get ruined by other people’s need for destruction? I just cannot fathom how this will work out.

But you know what will happen? My Mom will either tell me she does not want to see me or she does. If she doesn’t I will end up going to my friend Amber’s house and she lives North of Beltline. Which is in a territory that I helped to restore to the proper owners. It was one of the territories my Dad stole from his wife Brenda that he killed. So it will be a tad better for me there. But destruction is destruction, right? There are always going to be people loyal to my Dad, I suppose that is inevitable.

However, if my Mom does say she is okay with seeing me. Then I will experience extreme destruction and my illusions about being loved will completely fad again. See if they could just pretend to love me, they would have a better chance of destroying me. But I do enjoy spending time with my Mom. This year she has become a lot closer to the Mom I have always wanted. I have grown up pretending, it is really nice for her to pretend with me. I like walking the dogs with her and making fermented foods. It has been fun to teach her new stuff because it lights up her brain and I can feel it. She does not get challenged to grow a lot by her life. So it is fun to watch her grow. I wonder if her brain was fancy kinda like mine at one point in time? She does like to project like me and she is from an ethnic fancy family. I am not sure how the genetically modified children thing works. I do know that I do not want children smart like me, being this smart hurts. It makes it hard to relate to anyone because all you see is their illogical thinking and dysfunction. That may be in part due to growing up in my family, but without the brain it would not stand out to me.

So yeah, I will be destroyed when I get home and trying to comply with social norms and be clean and look nice is how they will get me the most. And the cold weather will be hard too. I can pray for a miracle all I want, but I still have to prepare for the reality of my situation. They will break into my car every chance they get and poison everything I own every chance they get. Especially my bath products and clothes and shoes. Did you know it has been over a decade since I wore real shoes on a regular basis? Real shoes have always made me feel bad and I never understood why until I was home this year in Oregon. My Mom mentioned that I would have to get real shoes soon because it was getting cold and that your feet have the largest pores in your body. This is why Armani and Teva flip flops have been my favorite for years now. High quality shoes really do make a difference. I can feel it in my liver and my mood.

They just sent a car to a house where I am parked to poison me. My Brother has really gotten these people on board quickly compared to yesterday night. I should have known though. I shared information with you all and that is all I need to do in order to be destroyed more. The people around here have been putting on a show. They even cooked some of my favorite foods for dinner. I have always wondered what it would be like to have a real family. I don’t know if I have ever experienced a real family. All the families that live near my Mom are war game families and they destroy each other. I knew they were into destruction even before I knew about the war games.

I don’t want to go home, it’s not my home. It is my prison. I have tried to escape Oregon my whole life and it just sucks me back in. I wish I knew how to escape my birthrights. Anyone want to trade? I have always just wanted to be a normal person and work and live a normal life. It’s just not in the cards for me though and I am trying super hard to accept that, but it is a tough one to swallow. The only way I am ever get to live is if I get married. And even then it endangers my life because people like my Dad kill people like me that they marry. There is no accountability for it, so why shouldn’t they do it? Some days my life feels like a loose loose situation. But I have done amazing things and I will keep doing amazing things. They dosed me with sad E so excuse the weird mood. It will pass, it always does. The E was not as bad today as it was yesterday though. Got to count your blessing everyday even if they are small.

I have never known the how in my life, I just keep going and things happen. Today is a moment where I am wondering the how. Accepting that job was hard. I know it is what I need to do, but it is like accepting a death sentence. But I have to in order to survive. They were talking about commission and ira and health care, etc. And all I could think was it doesn’t really matter, I have been cheated on commission a lot in my life so it is no guarantee, going to any kind of medical professional is a death sentence for me so I do not need health care, and retirement I don’t know if that will ever be an option I need to plan for. But I do need to pay off my credit cards and save some money. Maybe worst case I can work for a year and save up and do something like this again, but with a stove so I can have cooked food. I miss eggs so much. My dream meal right now(well I have two) one everyday dream meal would be ground beef with eggs scrambled in butter and a small amount of homemade fermented turmeric sauerkrat(sp) or if it was a special occassion a fatty steak with eggs scrambled in butter and coconut oil and some shrimp in butter. I can’t eat carbs for a long time till the infection in my jaw is gone and that will take a few more months I am sure. My lips are getting bigger as it goes away it is weird, but makes sense because in Las Vegas I realized my lips were shrinking and I did not know why. Now I understand that the infection was not just from my wisdom teeth removal it was from my braces too. You know how braces scrap up the insides of your mouth, well that is a perfect place to create infection and let it get into your face. My lips were always all cut up when I had those things for three years. All the heavy metals they poison kids with cause funky teeth and braces.

So yep yep home again home again jiggity jog. I have another week down here in California, what should I do. I really love the beach but the Aryans over there are really into destruction. It is like they did not get the message that they are being destroyed. I don’t know what is wrong with them, but they have the worst epigenetics out of everyone. I do know what is wrong with them, most of them have never known love. Love changes your epigenetics. That is why being down here in Southern California is so hard for me, people here do not know love. They cannot process that I am doing what I am doing out of love. It is really hard to be around people who don’t mirror you. It’s inhumane. It is what my childhood was like. My family copies me, but it is not the same, it’s fake. I think that is why kids like me with Autism who have families like mine just don’t try to be human. I can turn my human off. It takes a lot of work to be human, but it is not in the same way that my family turns their human off. It is a weird dynamic. But they hate it when I turn my human off because it does not allow for them to manipulate me as much. Humanity is just a tool for manipulation to them.

How many of you all did I reach in the past couple days? That is the real question. Did I get to all of San Diego? Where you all able to share with the rest of the nation? I know it is the people who are revolutionary who are listening because when I was taken out of the grocery stores when I was in Compton, they put me into people’s homes and cars. Maybe it wasn’t Compton but it was LA area and a bad area that mostly black people live in. I was at the Walmart there and had just eaten meats so a lot of E so I could not drive so I decided to write and talk to myself, but really I was talking to you all. It was pretty magical. I wonder if those people are still listening in the LA area? Hello hello is this thing on, how far do I go? I know the people in Oregon hear me, they have always witnessed my pain. The people in Vallejo knew more about me than I knew about me. They were really kind, I really enjoyed changing the world there. Hey Vallejo thank you for accepting my love with open hearts you changed me so much and I appreciate you all so much! The couple days I spent in Vallejo were magical. They were hard, but I think that was one of the last places I saw real people. It was only for the first hour I was there, but I saw real people. Oh! No I saw real people in National City the first time I went to the Walmart Supercenter there but they have been so warred on by the epigenetic triggers it was not the same at all. I don’t mean to mean, but the human has been taken out of them. I always knew there was something wrong with the people close to the border.

Epigenetic triggers, systems sets up to make us all fail, humanity hijacking with oxytocin processing being turned dysfunctional, and covert genocide with all the food systems. We are at war people. It may be a covert war, but it overtly wants to steal you from you. It already has stolen you from yourself . You are going to have to war to get yourself back. But it is possible I am proof. And you all have so much more freewill than me, so you can overcome the systems!

A car just stopped by my Jeep and got us with their exhaust for a few minutes, it always makes Teka puke on fasting days. It is annoying. They have to pick on an 8lb dog in order to feel powerful. That is real tough. I may never understand people, but that is because they are in their reptilian brain and I enjoy using my whole brain. They don’t even realize they are missing out on the whole human experience. They are having a reptilian experience. It is sad for them, but for us too. Imagine how amazing society could be if we all wished to be human and worked towards it. Humanity is a choice, but it is a worthwhile pursuit for us all.

I wish I knew how this is all going to work out, but I don’t. However, I do know that it will work out. The sad E gas is wearing off. I am still high, but the sadness is passing. Fwwwh that was tough. It is an all too familiar feeling. I have been poisoned my whole life, I just never knew it. They always told me I was mentally ill. And how could I have not believed them because I always felt funny and different. Well, now that I know it is freedom. Just knowing has saved my soul. This is a feeling I hope you all can relate to now that i have shared so much information with you all. I hope you feel free. When you know, you can do better. Another car parked with exhaust next to us. Gotta love these people, they were way more civilized yesterday when they were in the dark, but that is how it normally works. They are trying to prove their worth to the old system with their ability to destroy. It is their trauma bond. They want to show their worth to the systems that have destroyed them. I get it, I still want to be loved. I can’t hate on them for being human. But I can say they are misguided and should go somewhere that their efforts will be rewarded in a way that will benefit them. See I wish I could go hang out with someone besides my Mom, but everyone will destroy me so it is just better to hang out with her. It is familiar and I want her to be able to love me so badly. It is my trauma bond. I thought I had broke it until this year when they have isolated me from everyone but her. She is one of the few people I can talk to that does not have an elevated cortisol response just from interacting with me. Her cortisol is spiked, but it is because she is supposed to win me over enough to destroy me for my Brother and Dad. I am her only power left. I enable her to boss and bully her whole family around. And she hasn’t gotten to do that in years. She loves it. I give her power that she has been missing. And I know all this, but I am human and have been isolated. Not just this year but since forever. Especially in the death camp in Arizona and I am okay with being isolated when I have my human needs met mostly like food shelter clothing etc. But when I do not have those things it is weird. I have never not had these things before this year. It is a good experience for me to know. Now I can relate to other people more and understand why people do what they do. They fear being in this situation like I am in. Other people fear being isolated way more than me. I enjoy being alone. Being around people and relying on other people is what I fear. It always ends up badly for me.

That is where I went wrong when I was with A1 I let him take away my independence. I was so sick and being so poisoned it was hard to function, let alone stand up for myself. I just wanted an easy life in the sense that I wanted to focus on my health and figure out what the hell was wrong with me. Who would have thought it was the people around me, not me myself that was wrong. My whole life I have blamed myself and I am so done blaming myself. I have spent my whole life blaming myself. It is lame, but to know better now is a blessing.

So the good news today is I got a job. The bad news is that means going home. The Aryan was given the task of getting me back in Oregon. It is what it is. I just hope I can swim upstream and handle all the poison and do everything I need to do in order to survive. It won’t be easy, but I have done it my whole life. The only difference now is that I know and I get upset with people. Before I would get upset at myself. It was easier when I blamed myself. Knowing that I live in such a dysfunctional world is really hard. Being the dysfunctional one is way easier. I wonder if that is how all the cluster b personality disordered people feel. The world is fucked up so may as well be fucked up too? I bet that thought has crossed their minds. Dare to be different is my challenge. Dare to be original. Just dare to be you.

Okay I need to pay attention to my dogs. Thanks for listening to me talk. Do your gossiping is all I can ask of you all. I know you people are good at it, but I am not sure if you are willing to do it. At least let everyone know about my birthrights and to find me up in Oregon soon because I will be looking for a husband. Shoot I am looking now. I wonder if I will ever be able to have a real conversation with anyone? My Truman show is just annoying. I have hope that something will give though, it has too. Life is not meant to be this difficult and unjust.

Talk soon and love always

Nicole Graves

Leave a Reply