Morning Mind Dump-Jan 9th 2022

My touchstone sold out. Since I was in Las Vegas I have been watching the Peace Dealer on You Tube because his mind is amazing. I enjoy people who make me think and who look at things differently than I do. It has nothing to do with sexuality like my family would think. I do not know if I have the ability to be sexually attracted to someone more than admitting they are attractive. I think people would have to treat me fairly before I would ever have those kinds of desires.

So, since 2017/2018ish my family/Brother has been tormenting the Peace Dealer and until Nov/Dec 2021 he never really sold out. He did what he had to do in order to survive, but he stayed true. Well, last night I realized he sold out. It has been a couple month in the making. People always start working out, making more money, and eating a “better” diet that is void of nutrition when they sell out to my family. It is a reptilian equation/agenda that gets you to be more simple minded.

I am hurt and sad, but I understand. No one has ever really held out that long. Maybe it has to do with him being black so they did not offer him privilege as fast as they do most of the people I am around. That is actually probably it. Look at Mr. Utah, they tortured him greatly when he found me. My family is really not into equality when it comes to racial equality. Well, they are not into equality at all.

So, I was watching You Tube videos on farming last night. My whole You Tube is filled with people like my family. People from fancy families that have sold out for privilege or have made their way to success and sold out to keep it. It is all dirty and gross feeling, but it has been for many years. However, it has gotten way worse. They make people copy me and it feels wrong because it is not who those people are, but they do it to stay alive. Did you know Dr. Berg plays for the dark side? I am really starting to question his emphasis on leafy greens, because they have anti-nutrients in them. But it does fit my family’s agenda, you decide.

Anyways, back to farming. So, it makes sense to be able to raise my own animals so I can have healthy and clean meat one day. Happy animals have to taste better than the ones who are raised in fear, cortisol does something to their meat I am sure. I know it does a lot to my body.

When I was young and we used to go to Texas to visit my Dad’s family they were mostly farmers. My Dad’s step Dad George had owned gas stations though. My Aunt Penny(my Dad’s older sister) was morbidly obese and never married, but she worked at a small town newspaper. My Aunt Patsy my Dad’s younger sister, was a stay at home mom and her son(Scott) got cancer in his 20s. (By the way I am the second out of my cousins on my Dad’s side of the family too. Does that earn me another crippling birthright? ) My step Aunt Susan (George’s daugher) is the only one who lived on a farm. However, when I was younger all the older generation had roots in farming. My Dad worked on farms growing up. My great grandpa(aka Hitler raised homing pigeons). Everyone was able to take care of themselves more so. When you take these skills away from people they are more reliant on the systems and look toward the systems for answers.

Anyways, back to the point, the men grew up working on farms. I was right when I said I had been treated like a farm animal my whole life. They artificially inseminated my Mom and created me to be a birthing device for the war games. I was never intended to be a human. When I younger, but older than 4 the men looked at me with such dismay. They knew I was not the birthing device they had hoped for. And last night I realized they did not understand why my Dad did not kill me and just start over. But you know they have tried to kill me my whole life, they just could never do it in a manner that would enable them to get away with it, technology had gotten too good. In the olden days I would not have made it this far. There was less accountability back then. Which is sad because there does not seem to be a lot nowadays. So women are farm animals and I was right in my feeling. I was never intended to be human let alone have humanity.

My Grandma Lippe(my Dad’s Mom) was always so kind to me. She is the only one who knows what it is like to be raised with a birthright like mine. She did everything she was supposed to do and she has been tortured her whole life. She survived cancer too. I think about her often on this trip. I wonder how she survived and I wonder how her father treated her. I also wonder if she was kind to me in order to gain privilege with my Dad or if it was because she really understood my situation. I was kept from my Dad’s family because they wanted to love me. Instead, I was raised with the Kudearoff’s because they could be convinced to destroy me.

To whoever translates my logical thoughts, you did shitty at translating my video yesterday. They have limited the amount of people with access to my Jeep cam because that is how I broke through to the people down here. Not until I wrote a blog post last night did everyone get the message about being accountable for their actions. The people will know you all are the ones that kept them from freedom and knowing they are not the cause of their suffering.

Okay that empties my brain out, thank you for listening to me ramble. I do miss journaling but it is a public event no matter how I do it so it is just easier on my mind to do it this way as a pubic event that way I am not disillusioned by the thought that I have private thoughts. Do you know what it is like to have people in your head and not be mentally ill? It makes me wonder if they have given other people head surgery and done this to them. Do you know how weird it is to have two different sides of a war in your head? My Brother can implant thoughts, but they are reptilian thoughts so they are somewhat easy to notice now that I understand what is happening. However, it would be so much better if my revolutionary people could implant thoughts, maybe they could tell me what they needed me to do in order to end this mess. But you know what, having people in my brain is what has saved me and saved you all. I would not have been able to make it this far if you all could not “hear” my thoughts and we could not have our “talks”. I just publish my blog to not feel so crazy. But I am alive and that is all that matters. I do not have to smell good, look good, be clean, or anything that is a social norm. All I have to do is survive. There is a little comfort in that. My whole life I have tried so hard and finally I am free of the charade. I no longer have to pretend I am not being destroyed. I can live in my truth and look a wreck if I want because just by being here and breathing and living I am being revolutionary. I still do not know if I want to save you all anymore than sharing information because sharing information is more than you all are willing to do. But I do know I want to survive and live to get to be me freely for the first time ever. I have never gotten to freely be me and that is something I deserve to experience.

Love Always

Nicole Graves

P.S. There are a couple people that have been parked next to me since last night who are people who also live in their car. They are there just to cramp my style and create discomfort because I can feel other people. They are dis-eased and doing anything for privilege. They are just like the black guy with a dog in Moreno Valley who did this to me. They do not care that the world knows that they have sold you all out in order to save themselves. All the people who do not know about how the systems have set them up to fail are going to feel the same way I feel about these people towards you all. It is sad that you all make us feel like this. It must be a heavy experience. The weird part is you can avoid it, but you just keep doing things that cause you guilt and other heavy feelings.

California license plate: 7EIE829 white altima

P.S.S. Let’s meditate, we can call it church. Let’s envision and feel the world we are creating.

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