My Day 5/31/22 Moon in Gemini Sun in Gemini Monroe Washington

Woke up today in like Mill Creek by the beginning of hwy 9. I sat near an intersection of too hwys last night and did my announcements and news updates. The churches out here in the sticks outside of Seattle area are huge and expensive just like in Texas. I love God, but church scares me a bit. Religion is used as weapon way too often. God should never be a toll for destruction but way too often he is. God is love and we all need love to survive. So both God and love are some of the biggest weapons of destruction there are.

Anyways, I reached the people who live out in the sticks because they are kept small. Finally I feel like I have reached the people who matter. I mean everyone matters, but I have reached the people who have a say in the war games. Fancy families and farmers are kept out in the sticks and secluded because of the power they have on the covert war/world. No one is allowed to be powerful in both the overt and covert world. So people like me with fancy birthrights are kept in the sticks and kept small. It’s maddening, but at least I’m in some really good company.

Today my frenemy Amber in Eugene told me that my family is offering big privilege to people who are team Z evil to drive up to Washington to take part in the war against me. Like new job privilege. So I can safely assume I’m doing really well at reaching the people. And I’m so grateful they are choosing me. Well, I suppose they are choosing them and their childre, but they are choosing me too. I’m not sure who’s in charge of the people who are never really called upon by my family, but who are still apart of the dark side. These are people who aren’t the cookie cutters. For instance Amber, she is morbidly obese or close, lives in a filthy house, is missing teeth, and hasn’t worked in years. This is not someone my family would normally call on. See cluster b personality disorders dont see others as individuals. They see them as extensions of themselves. So my family is calling on the bottom of the barrel of people who they would never want to think if as an extension of themselves. I know this seems harsh, but it’s good news. It shows how desperate they are.

The other day when I stayed a couple nights in Ballard and rested and fasted. When I left there the people who profit off the war games were fighting the war against me. These are people who rarely have to fight anything, they are privileged. I have seen them for a few days now. I can tell because the women and some men like to tell me what I “should” do. They are big on should ing people. You should do this you should do that. I hate people like that.

So I’m down to the people who profit and the people who just want to feel special and earn privilege because they are okay with the destruction. Which just basically means that their C Diff infection has gotten so bad that along with their cluster b personality disorder that they are probably past the point of no return. They dont even think they are worthy of trying for. I know there are probably more people out there like that than anyone wants to admit. I have no clue who’s in charge of those people. In the war games those are normally just the people who are destroyed and go unseen. They have never mattered before and the opportunity to matter now and take part in the destruction is such a treat for them. It’s sad. How do we win these people over? I have no clue. They see the dark side as the only answer even though the dark side has disregarded them for a lifetime. This is the perfect example of a person trauma bonded to the systems that destroyed them. And how they will continually try to prove themselves worthy. It’s sad. I dont know how else to look at it. It’s just sad. They are so far gone they can’t see what they are passing up. They are passing up a better life for their children and grandchildren for a moment of being called on and feeling special. Rather than make themselves feel special they would rather the war games do it for them. I understand it’s nice to feel special but it’s the best when you can make yourself feel special by committing to something that will improve your life. It can be anything not just this revolution. Anything you commit to in order to improve your life and follow through with it. That’s how you make yourself feel special and important. That’s how you make yourself a priority and you prove to yourself that you matter. Until you prove to yourself that you matter you will always be a sucker to the external to validate you and make you feel special.

Why allow something that is supposed to be an inside job to be outsourced to an outside job. Well because you all have been conditioned to do this. When you continually need someone to make you feel special that makes you easier to control and manage. The war games profits off the people who dont realize their own value. It’s sad because they have all the tools to realize and see their own worth, they just choose not to. Because it is easier to allow someone else to do it for you. However the things in life worth doing are rarely easy.

Can you all tell these people this? Tell them they are special they just need to see it themselves. Once you see how special you are, you are a different person. It’s hard to forget your worth when you find it on your own terms.

I’m in Monroe for the night parked near the river and the trees. Oregon used to look so much like Washington. In 30 some odd years my family has already destroyed so much natural beauty. I never realized it till today and this trip. Oregon used to be so clean. This is what we can expect from them though. I just never had all the information before.

So my family is still blocking me from getting a job. I gotta admit I’m a little worried about how this all is going to work out. How much more can my family break the rules and get away with it? They threaten people I talk to about work. I can tell because people like me and enjoy our talks and then my family gets to them and they realize who I am. Being from my family is the biggest disadvantage of my life. Its sucks so much.

I figure I will be back in Oregon and Eugene by the 6th because Haywood has a vet appointment on the 7th to get an estimate to see how much to remove some of his teeth. The last estimate and vet office was ruled by the dark side and quoted me 1800$ and charged me over 300 to have his bloodwork done. Haywood just might end up keeping his teeth until they fall out. I can’t trust anyone with anything so it’s really hard. He even has health insurance and I still have a really hard time trusting people. He also has the C Diff infection. He came to me with it because he has lupus but his c diff infection got worse with time. Just like mine. All three of us have been taking garlic everyday and it is really helping. Garlic and long walks do wonders for C Diff along with fasting. We did a 48hr fast in Ballard fir the new moon. It was good. I have no clue how much I weigh but I have lost weight and Haywood has too. Health is the best thing to invest in during times of uncertainty.

I’m nervous about going back to Eugene. It’s never really safe there, but it where my family wants me. They would let me get a job anywhere else. But now they aren’t letting me get a job there. I’m frustrated. I just need my independence back. It’s bad enough I live in my jeep with my two dogs. I just want to work. I really enjoy work when it’s a job that lights up my brain. Shoot I just enjoy the independence that working gives me.

I wish I knew the rules and if you all are able to help me in the overt world. I super appreciate the people who have opted out of the war against me. But I’m still struggling with how I’m going to pull this all off alone. I’m nervous, but yet it has to work out. It’s a covert war. My family isn’t allowed to do this to my life. They have controlled my overt world and opportunities my whole life. When do I get some freewill in the overt world? I just need some freedom from my family and my fancy birthrights. I just want to be ordinary and have s job and work. Being revolutionary when I’m home in eugene is easy it’s just a blog post or two a day. Completely manageable. Takes up the time of a small hobby. An hour a day two at most. Healing and overcoming the destruction is just a small part of our days. Sure what we do in that hour or two that we pay attention to the war games trickles into the rest of our days and lives. But it really should be a small part. The war games isn’t meant to be anyone’s whole life. It’s a covert war and we live in an overt world. I’m ready for an overt job.

I’m struggling because I’m frustrated and I dont know How this is going to play out. And it’s been the same struggle for my whole life. I enjoy the overt world and being ordinary. Where my family doesn’t. They don’t want to achieve things in the overt world. Where before last year I had no clue there was anything but the overt world. I just want my life back like I’ve never had before. My life should be mine. I should have the freedom to work and fo what I’m good at. I’m should ing like the people who profit off the war games. Oh geez. Maybe I need to surrender more! Deep sigh. I do. I’m trying to control things even in my mind. I’m going to need to earn money. And I suppose we will see how that manifests for me. Everything gets revealed in time. I just need to surrender and accept and flow. Everything in time.

Okay well that’s all I got for tonight. Hope you all are loving the long nights. I like how its light so late. Summer is almost here. Get some good sleep.

Love Always Nicole D Graves

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