My Day Monday June 27th 2022 Moon in Gemini Sun in Cancer

I have swollen ankles like I’ve never had before. It’s from eating out and people poisoning my food. I knew better but I did it anyway. I had hopes that people would treat me fairly. Amber warned me about what they were doing when I sat outside with her last week to catch up. I didn’t listen. I even ate everyday last week. I’m tired of being hungry all the time. This is how I felt growing up, but it was worse then because the poisoned foods never stopped and I had no clue about any of the destruction.

So here I lay with my feet elevated fasting because I need to get whatever was in that food out of my body. It’s back to raw meat only for me and the kids. I’m mourning because food has been my only comfort in life that is from an outside source. I love food but I also know that eating will kill me.

eating carbs was nice. I ate bean and cheese burritos with French fries and I still had my raw meat too. I ate gluten for about a week and if it wasn’t for the poison I think I could handle it. I’m realizing most of my food allergies and intolerances are just due to poison. It’s crazy. Food has hurt my whole life. And it’s not just the C Diff infection, it’s mostly just the poison.

So how long till my liver, kidneys, and heart will go back to functioning correctly? They poison my raw meat too, so I hope I can fast long enough to make a difference. I suppose I ate carbs and extra poison for a week it will probably take 7 fasting days to correct the damage. So far I have only fasted 8 days in June. I log my fasting and food and health stuff as much as I can. It’s always a maze of overcoming the destruction but tracking helps. It helps me feel in control.

We have fleas from everything. I tried to get the dogs flea meds today but the vet was closed early for a meeting. Just like the gym wasn’t open this morning for me to shower. I made great progress this weekend and it always seems to complicate my already complex overt world.

The dark side is back to destroying me. At work they are making me be at counter for longer than necessary, but I kind of like it because I get to read. I finished the Urban Meyer book today “Above the Line”. I absolutely loved it. Reading is something that has always given me hope because it allows me to envision the future I want to experience. And it allows me the inspiration to keep going and trying and succeeding against all odds. Today, I realized how revolutionary eating raw meat has been. And I realized how much I have needed to fast my whole life. Its amazing that I’m still alive. And sure I may have thinning eyebrows again, but I’m still healthier than I have been the majority of my life. I was stuck in bed most of my life. I would go to work and come home and lay down. I did that till I was 34 when I retired. And then I laid in bed all the time. Leaving the house was an ordeal that took everything out of me.

Even in Arizona I rarely left home, but that’s because it made me feel worse and people were really awful there. I guess I just try to focus on the positive because it grows when you focus on it. Sure I have swollen ankles and fleas today, but hopefully tomorrow they be better and the next day even better and eventually they will be all the way better and I will have washed my bedding and the dogs and gotten them flea meds. It’s an order of operations that will take some time, but is doable. Hopefully the heat today killed some of the fleas because I sprayed essential oils in the car and let it sit all day in the sun. And hopefully the fasting will help my ankles and organs heal. I suppose I am grateful I did not swell up worse. Eating raw garlic helps with so many things. I have felt this poison before that has made my ankles swell I just have never eaten this much of it in such a short period of time. Yesterday was really bad. There was a lot in my food. I knew better but I still wanted to eat because I was high from driving home on I5.

So tomorrow I read a different book and work the counter again and just be patient because all I have to do is keep going. When Bill Cavinee hired me he was trying to rush me about getting insurance licensing done and i told him, “I may be in a hurry, but I’m not in a rush.” That is the motto I need to keep using. My life is all about being patient and going slow and doing the impossible. Everything is overwhelming when I think of the big picture. But when I just think about surviving today and succeeding tomorrow I do just fine.

Time heals all wounds and gets you through things that sometimes seem impossible. That’s my trick, that’s my magic. Time and patience can get a person through anything. Its not rocket science but fear lord it’s hard. Living through the unlivable is my forte and destiny I suppose.

Love Always

Nicole D Graves