Writing in my journal is not a private event, so I may as well blog about my random thoughts on life. Can I just say I am so impressed with myself for figuring out the blogging thing so many years ago. I never really put it all together until recently. But wow, my need to document everything as a trauma response has really kept me alive and/or a threat. Well, just being alive made me a threat, but my ability to revolt when I just thought I was standing up for my rights as an individual human with civil liberties. Maybe being revolutionary is partially about being able to put yourself first, because you do need to save yourself before you can save others.
Talking about safety, I found a job finally that I feel will actually noriush my heart and soul. It was scary out there looking for a way to earn money. Money has always been where I have slacked. I enjoy making money, but I was never taught to be self reliant or lead to believe I am deserving/worthy of money. Also, allowing me to even dream of financial independence went against my family’s agenda to keep me enslaved to a man close to me for my whole life. A life that would have ended in the desert years ago if they had their way.
I still am processing a whole life of lies. And it is a lot, but the past is the past. No one can change the past, only learn from it and move on. The mental torture is what really crippled me when I was younger. Being told I was crazy my whole life and that I was the wrong one for expecting to be loved and/or not abused, are major factors in the person I have become. I am stronger than I have ever been and will continue to grow beyond what I ever could have imagined. This year has made me strong. Never in my life would I have believed last year that I could do half of the things I have done this year.
Evolve and grow, but remember you don’t have to traumatize yourself rushing the experience because it is a lifelong process that is never-ending.
Tons Of Love & Coconut Oil