I deserve to look the people who destroyed me in the eyes after this is over. You all may not be able to create a data base with all the license plates I encounter to identify people, but I deserve for you all to create a list for me to look back on one day. I want to know who tried to destroy me to earn privilege and was not into freedom or creating a new system. I want to be able to look them in the eyes and ask them why. I deserve to know who destroyed me. Please create a list of the license plates I encounter even if you all cannot make it public.
Ever since I told you all about my birthrights it has been poison palooza. Last night the air traffic and the running cars with exhausts meant to make people have high cortisol were intense again. I said a lot yesterday so I do not know what exactly I said. But I do know it is just my Brother showing that he has authority. Every time you all take something to heart that I say he does this. He does not want to think that I have any authority over you all. And I do not want authority, I just want to be heard and for you all to make your own choices. Of course, I am hoping you make the just choices, but I cannot make you do anything.
My desire to be loved, to eat hot cooked food, and be clean are going to destroy me you know. My Mom does not love me no matter how much I want to believe she does. However, when I go home to Oregon I do want to see her. It is so weird to crave the love of a cluster b dark triad. I think it is my last addiction. I crave love just like I crave clean food and air. Some things may be human and I just may never be able to fully overcome. I have gotten really good at saying no to food and water, but love is just a whole other ball game. I have been deprived of love my whole life. And I do need love from someone besides just my dogs. No matter how hard I just try to make do with what I have I do need more. I am human.
I cannot decide if going home to Oregon is the smart thing to do or the dumb thing to do. I cannot trust anyone. So, trying to go anywhere else to see anyone else will not end well because my family will just get them to destroy me. My family always makes it a them or me situation, but in the end we all end up being destroyed. Home is the safest because the people there know me and my family has to follow the rules more because the people are watching and they know. It sucks, but I need to go home and be isolated around people who know me. They bare witness.
However, my Brother and the rest of my family are going to do everything in their power to make sure I am incapable of getting married and you all know this. I am a threat as long as I am alive and I always will be. I threaten their way of life. See there are a laundry list of rules that apply to me, but the rules have never applied to them. This is why my Brother can bully you all around and you all listen. He is a God and the rules do not apply to him and he has even convinced you all of this. It must be a family tradition because Hitler did the same thing.
My humanity is my biggest strength, I never intend to be a God. I just wish I knew what to do to help you all help me. I have given you all the information you need to overcome the systems in your daily personal lives and health, but that does not seem to have been enough. What do you need to hear? What else do you need to know? Think it real loud and it will come to me in the quantum field. All thoughts go in the quantum field and I can pick up on all things there. After years of practice I have learned a lot of fun things over there, but mostly I have learned about people.
I so badly do not want to give in to being incomplete by myself. My whole life everyone has told me I needed to find a man and breed. Not even a partner, just a man. So badly I just want to live on my own and be myself, but I know that may never happen. However, I am not going to give up hope because that hope keeps me going and doing the unthinkable everyday. Sure, it may never really happen, but what if I get close and find a husband who lets me go spend weekends at the coast in my own condo or something like that. I just want to feel independent, but I do want to do the right thing and help you all too. Because helping you all means helping myself too. We are all in this together.
I oscilate between hoping for the best and preparing for the worst. But I know in my heart of hearts, I need to get married. And the sooner the better for all of us. And I need you all’s help. You all found me A1 and Mr. Utah so I hope you all can do something like this again. Well, I know you can. Let’s just hope for someone who is not into destruction as much. Is anyone not into destruction? Even people not in the war games who are successful sell out and help enslave the people and that is destruction so I am just unsure about people all together. However, you all know people. And I trust you all because my future is your future. Whatever happens to me happens to you all and I trust you will do the right thing. I have to, that hope is keeping me alive and going everyday.
Love Always and Thank You
P.S. I watched an astrology video last night and isn’t the pandemic over? They said so much stuff about the pandemic, but I thought it was over. And yah lockdown sucked, but I had the time of my life. Only cluster b personality disordered people had a hard time with it because it stopped them from feeding off other people. When you know how to fill your own cup you are just fine alone. Don’t get me wrong I missed people at times, but people have never been right to me so maybe it was easier for me to just say no to the people. I encourage you all to be in our own presence and enjoy you. You are pretty awesome and others can only know you as deep as you know yourself.
Well, let the poisons begin again or still. Blah. I am so not looking forward to trying this week, but I am going to try and act like I am not on death row being destroyed. I should be better at it by now I have done this my whole life.