Put Yourself In My Shoes

I constantly put myself in others shoes to understand their world and to see how I can improve it. This whole year even though my world was literally falling apart I have put myself in others shoes to try to understand their world. Have you all ever put yourself in my shoes? Have you ever felt the depth of my pain?

Do you know what it is like to have one of the largest covert birthrights in the world? It’s crippling, heavy, and inhumane. My whole life I have never known all the cards I have in my hand and people lined up to try to take advantage of me. So much so that I rarely went out or even tried to make friends. So much so that I gave up on love and found partners that were willing to pay me instead of love me because money was better than nothing. If people were going to abuse me I may as well get a nicer prison out of it. And I still gave up that prison that was “nice” because it wasn’t enough. The pain people caused me has never been able to be made up for. There is nothing in the world I have found that can make up for the pain of people trying to use me to get ahead in their own lives.

Do you know what it is like to realize that everyone who ever claimed to love you lied? Do you know what it is like to realize those people also tried to kill you, over and over in the name of love? Do you know what it is like to realize you come from a family of serial killers? Do you know what it is like to be good and be from one of the worst families in the world? Do you know what it is like to have wanted to know love your whole life and had it used against you as a tool for destruction? Do you know what it is like for these people to never have felt guilt until their crimes were publically known about? Do you know what it is like to have been surrounded by people who only use their reptilian brain and be a genius who was told they are mentally ill your whole life? Do you know what it is like to have wanted better your whole life and been told you do not deserve it? Do you know what it is like to have swam upstream in life in every way possible and never gotten the opportunity to manifest a decent life because you were not interested in marriage or destruction?

Do you know what it is like to have one of the largest birthrights in the world and have it not count because you do not have a penis? That is what this all comes down to. I am a woman. A very smart woman with an amazing heart, but it doesn’t matter because I do not have a penis. I will always be incomplete till I find a man. My birthright shames my Brother’s birthright and still people won’t touch me with a ten foot pole. Do you know what it is like to be ostrazied(sp?) for being a good person who was born with the opportunity for too much power. I was born with the ability to change the systems, but no one wants to help me because it is too risky. Do you know what it is like to understand it is too risky not to change the systems? I have suffered more than all of you(it’s not a competition, but you know because you have seen). I have endured a lifetime of torment at the hands of the war games and my family. And instead of living in fear of them, I live in fear of not changing the systems. How can we even imagine that this is acceptable? How can we even imagine that this is going to get more bareable? My life has just continued to get harder no matter how hard I try, but that is because I have been working alone. No one has ever wanted me to succeed.

However, now that I have finally found people that want to see me succeed my life has not changed. It has only gotten worse, because they will not join me in changing the world. I have the most to offer you all and you all have not helped me. What is wrong with you people? How much longer do you expect me to be strong and endure the unspeakable? How much longer do you want to push me to my limits to see what it takes to break me? Why are you doing this to me? Because it is you all who is doing this to me. You all have stood by and watched me my whole life but now that I have finally found a way to communicate with you all you aren’t doing your part. I can’t do this on my own and yet here you are all expecting me to do this on my own. Can you see why I want to hate you all so badly? Can you all see why I do not want to breed and be the farm animal I was intended to be for you all? You all gotta do something that makes me want to do for you all. You, yes you, need to do something. No one gets a free get out of jail card on this morality issue. This is your issue just as much as mine because your future is in the mix just like mine. This is your problem, this is not something you can just push off onto someone else. This is your problem. Do you know what it feels like to have the power to save the world, but the world will not help you do what you are destined to do?

Love Always

Nicole Graves

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