Well hello southern California, it’s been awhile. I dont know if you all are still tuned in, but I learned in California that all I have to do is connect with one person and let them feel my heart and everything else works out just fine. So as long as there is one of you all tuned in, that’s all I need. Southern California was unexpected and kind of an accident. All last year was a shot show. My life was overtly taken from me like never before. There was nothing covert about it other than no one would admit to what was happening. It was a lot like my childhood and really hard. However, I feel like I have a better grasp on things now.
I ended up in Southern California because I was fighting for my right to have a say in my own life. And in turn this meant allowing others to know how they have been set up to fail just like I had been. Freedom is the most valuable thing to me. And I want everyone to have their own freedom. I was on a mission last winter fueled by spit and vinegar. I held signs on street corners with my blog because I had not connected with the person in Compton who gifted me with access to you all in your card and homes. And even after that gift it took me a couple months to figure out how it was happening and how to control it. No one wants to believe they have a chip in their head that’s allows others a window into their logical thoughts. Can you imagine how violating that would feel? It was a lot but honestly it made so much sense. And sense in my life is quite priceless to come by. So I appreciate being in the know now. It took awhile to come to terms. It seems harder for others who interact with me to deal with. They take me stating the logical facts same being rude. But in my mind stating the obvious is just confirming that we all are looking at the same thing. That’s hard for people because they like to lie to themselves. I get it, the truth often hurts. I would ignore it to if I had that luxury. I ignored the truth for most of my life and it almost got me killed numerous times.
Thank you to the farmers in Souther LA. I didn’t understand what you all did for me last year. Thank you for hearing me out. You know I have learned you can look up on Google where the fancy families and people with power in the war games live by googling “farms near me” or “farms in so and do city”. I learned that when I came back to Oregon and I used to find the decision makers in Washington. And last night I used it to figure out what happened in LA last year. Thank you for looking out for me before I even puzzle pieces you into my reality.
So much has changed since last November. So much. We still are being destroyed in numerous ways, but I have found the words to describe it so much more clearly. However that also means I understand how to rectify a lot more of it too. Cause and effect you know.
I need to talk to you all about how this revolution and how the world has changed for me personally. Because it’s been really overwhelming. I understood who my family was last winter, but now the summer after I can feel what I realized last winter. They have been trying to kill me for over three decades. Saying that logically and feeling it are two different things. I feel it now. I hear the hate in their voices as they have talked to me throughout the years and my whole life. I feel their hate. I have a hard time killing bugs and my family wanted to kill me. The only reason I am alive is because my dad wanted me to breed for him and treated me like a farm animal.
See I have come to find out. I am the rightful ruler of the dark side. Me the one who has never even gotten a say in her own life. I am the ruler of a war no one wanted to tell me about because I dont believe in destruction or war. I believe in potential, evolution, being better, and I often wear rose colored glasses because they are better for my epigenetics than being a realist.
So in a way this great news for us all because I can give us all the things I was fighting for last winter. However, I won’t ever get for myself what I was fighting for. I was fighting for a say in my life to be me. And yet here i am an even bigger symbol of my families than i ever imagined possible.
I gave never wanted to be in charge of anyone but myself. I even let my dogs have a say in their own lives. I tell them we take turns. I dont know how to be a leader. Because all I have seen is that absolute power corrupts all. And I have experienced the pain from absolute power. I’m scared. I’m human I’m bound to make mistakes. No longer is this revolution about me earning my freedom from my family. It’s about me helping you all earn your freedom from my family. In order for this to happen I have to be willing to step into to my place of power. A place that was destined for me by birthrights. However I was never told or informed or prepared for this role. Sure I know I’m a good person. But being a good person and being the ruler of the dark side are two completely separate ballgames. I’m scared I’m going to fail. I mean I understand I really can’t do worse than my family because they aim to destroy and I’m not like that. But I dont know the rules to any of this other than what my heart and tell me and the puzzle pieces I put together slowly over time.
My Dad is still washing a war against me. Even though its treason and against the rules of the war games for him to do so. I am reaching out because I need help. I need to find someone else with enough power to tell my Dad no and that he needs to get in line. I think you all have this power. And also I’m hoping you all will help me stay in line. I need someone to watch out for me and someone to keep me in my place. Absolute power corrupts all. I need checks and balances in place so I dont get to be like the rest of my families. Being like them is my worse nightmare. I need someone to help me make sure I dont turn out to be like them. I need to remain a good person. All this is so very overwhelming. It’s a lot for one person let alone one person still new to the war games. The destruction I have lived, but I have never even had the power to end the destruction in my own life.
And that is something else I need your help with. My family is still destroying me in overt world because they think it’s their birthrights to do so. I need help getting a job. They want to keep me small and keep me working temp jobs and wrecking up credit card debt. They want to keep me talking concentration camp showers so I die and they can pretend they were destined to rule the war games. I know the covert war makes other people’s phones ring with jobs of privilege and all kinds of other things. I need some magic to happen. I don’t know the rules but I need my overt world to change. And I have not been able to facilitate this change even though I have more than earned it. I just need a job so I can have my overt life back like I have never had before.
Also I’m going to need people in my overt world who aren’t sent by my family to destroy me. I am going to need a friend or friends. More than one would be amazing and overwhelming in the best way. I need someone or a couple people to have children with and for them to help me raise them. I’m going to need to not only be able to financially support myself, but my children as well. But this all starts with a job that isn’t a temp job that is meant to keep me small and stuck.
When I was in Arizona healing cancer and I was really sick. I had this vision of walking on the beach with my two dogs. It was so real and I knew it was my future. This kept me going while I was stuck in that 1 bedroom apartment. It kept me going and hot me through real estate school. I knew I had to have money to live in California. If the beach was to be mine I had to earn it. Well, I spent my life savings again. The first time on cancer. And this time on being revolutionary. I understand I need to earn my place in the overt world. However, I just need some help. I dont need to be saved, I just need some.
So to all the farmers and decision makers in southern California, I need you all to help me and I probably will ask for your help again because we all need help. I need someone to trust in the war games and you all helped me before I even knew who you were or that you existed. I am hoping this means you see how important it is for me to succeed in the overt world so we all can have a better covert life. The dark side farmers and the Scandinavian farmers seemed to put the Kudearoffs in their place. I’m hoping you all down in Southern California can put my Dad in place and give me back my life like I have never had before. I dont really care how it happens as long as I am free. Please help me be free of my families so I can help us all be free from them.
I appreciate you all more than words can ever describe. For now I guess we can be penpal, but one day I hope to have you all over for dinner or a bbq. And hopefully a baby shower. Here’s to dreams that are realities of the future.
Nicole D Graves