Saturday March 4th 2023 Moon in Leo Sun in Pisces A World Full Of Incompetent Incomplete Half Ass People

When I was really young I looked like an Ethiopian child. I had tiny arms and legs with a big smile, but it looked like I swallowed a watermelon. My parents poisoned me a lot as a child and starved me of protein. I have been dying my whole life. And do you want to know what I see when I see people? I see a world of people who have committed to being incompetent, incomplete, and doing everything half ass.

See my Dad gave me head surgery in the second grade because by the time you are 8 years old your brain waves change. If a child has not been brainwashed by the time they are 8 chances are highly likely it will not happen. So he put a chip in my head and gave me brain damage so he could disable me and get a window into my logical thoughts. My Dad is extremely dyslexic so he cannot think logically very well. He created me to be better than him, but then he disabled me for being better than him. However, my head surgery also backfired on him. They damaged my ear drum. Which gave me access to senses that you all cannot feel. Plus with my overactive nervous system it is like they gave me spidey senses. I can feel a lot of things that are really neat. However it took me decades to understand what all I am feeling. Even to this day I’m still learning to process the extra things I feel. It’s a lot.

However, before I felt all these extra things and understood how to explain them, I still knew my parents were incompetent and incomplete. As a young child they bought me all kinds of books about the world and great people who changed history. I love hearing about the lives of people who changed the world. Louis pasture, Margaret mead, abraham Lincoln etc I had books on all these people and many many more. Yet my parents could rarely even sit down and have dinner with me without bickering, yelling, and fighting. How were they ever going to be anything amazing if they couldn’t even have a civilized meal? Many nights I ate alone or went to sleep while listening to them yell and scream at each other. They were lacking logic and even then I saw how they were addicted to their emotions. I knew something was wrong with them but I just couldn’t describe it. They never bought me books on abnormal psychology.

By the time I was 6 my parents stopped buying me books about the world. They started getting me fiction books. They wanted me to read about Ramona instead of the world. I didn’t understand what was happening. But reading was my favorite thing so I just took what I could get. Information was hard to come by in the 1980s out near city limits. So I took what I could from wherever I could.

After my head surgery my parents really started destroying me. By the time I was in 4th grade I had multiple autoimmune diseases. But within a couple months of having my head surgery I was so swollen and fat I could barely wake up in the morning. I was always so tired because my organs were failing. I looked like a woman who had just had a baby. My skin was sagging, I was fat, and I had stretch marks. My body has always been my concentration camp.

But last night I realized why my parents destroyed me so much and so quickly right after my head surgery. They finally got to hear what I thought of them and how much their brainwashing efforts backfired. I never admired my parents really. Sure I wanted to make them happy and pleased with me. But I never wanted to be like them. I saw how incompetent and incomplete they were and still are. Their happiness comes from outside. Neither of them have any kind of potential. My mom used to have projects she would work on and learn when I was really young. And I liked how she tried and learned new things, but those slowed down greatly after my grandma Kudearoff died.

My parents are incompetent and incomplete because they live and die by the covert war and my Dad’s cult. I saw this as a child and they hated it because they knew I was right. Now that I have read an abnormal psychology book let me explain why people who are still fighting this war for my Dad are incompetent and incomplete just like them.

See when you subscribe to the covert war and my Dad’s cult you are making a commitment to do everything half ass. You live and die by destruction but you only covertly destroy things. However, when you believe in destruction so deeply and it’s engrained into your life like this you also forfeit potential of any sort. So you aren’t great at destruction and you dont get potential. So what do you get? You get to always come up short. You get to never fulfill your own needs fully. You never fulfill anyone else’s needs fully. Basically you never add up at anything in the overt real world because you are so committed to covert destruction that you destroy yourself and others. But you do this while lying to yourself and others saying you love them and yourself. So you don’t really love yourself and you dont really love others. And you dont have any kind of potential because you have robbed yourself of it by being committed to destruction. And you aren’t even great at destruction because you have to keep up your front that you love people and you are a good person.

This kind of person can never fulfill their own needs. You cant fulfill your own emotional needs and often you cant fulfill your physical or basic needs. You start looking to others to fulfill your needs. What is given can be taken away just as fast. But what is earned is a bit harder to take away. However, people who are incompetent and incomplete look to others to fulfill their basic human needs and emotional needs. This is how codependent relationships are formed.

But the thing is the person you are looking towards to fulfill your needs is just as invested in destruction as you are. They have bought into the covert war and my Dad’s cult just like you. And so you both destroy each other in an effort to get your needs met. This is why divorce became so popular and common in the 1980s. People invested in destruction and getting their needs met outside of themselves will never be satisfied or get what they need. They will forever be incompetent and incomplete looking for the answers outside of themselves.

The people left fighting this war for my Dad are just parading around the fact that they cannot take care of their own needs and are vulnerable to needing another to fulfill them. These are not people who believe in what they are doing. They are desperate people who have never considered being able to fulfill their own needs. Everyone who has questioned the way they were living has been sitting this one out for awhile now. However, the people left fighting are so excited to be chosen and feel seen that they have never even considered what they are actually doing. They are handicapping themselves by looking for the answers outside of themselves. What is given can be taken away just as easily. These people are looking to get their needs met but they dont understand it is just like signing up to be in a prison. What is given can be taken away just as fast. However what is earned often cannot be taken away. What have you earned? And what have you been given?

When someone offers you something for taking part in destruction that is not the same as earning something. When you look for answers outside yourself that will always leave you vulnerable and enslaved. Especially when those answers are tied to your basic human needs. What is given can be taken away just as easily and fast. What is earned is harder to take away.

Love Always

Nicole D Graves

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