I am lacking in humanity because I have experienced so much hurt in my life. But I normally pretty good at making the most of a bad situation and overcoming my contempt of people, at least over the phone. However, they have poisoned so much lately. It is exhausting. I just want to live a good life, be healthy, and work, but I always have people trying to sabotage me so it gets frustrating. I have given up caring about almost everything because everything I care about will be taken away or warred on. This is what my family cult does to everyone, not just me. This is how they get you all to give up your humanity for good. This is how they sell you on destruction.
This morning my mom was boiling salsa before 7am. Nightshades in the air like that cause autoimmune reactions. My Jeep was broken into again today and my tea and rock star in there were poisoned. Do you know how exhausting it is to be around people who hate you because of what you represent, but they act nicely on the surface. It hurts and it is exhausting. I just want to be a real human I have never gotten to be a real human. I am so tired of people enjoying my pain because it is not even my pain they are enjoying. They are enjoying the feeling of being powerful. Because they feel powerless and making others hurt is the only way they can feel alive. It hurts to see these people in so much pain. They aren’t enjoying my pain, they are trying to deal with their own pain. It is so sad and it is draining because I can see their pain. We all have pain. But we all do not deal with it the same. Being human is hard and something I constantly work at. I hope you do too.