Biker leaders. There is one more thing I need help with that I forgot. Can you break legs? I dont care if it’s metaphorically or literally? Dealers choice. See the people at Sheppard motors put a hole in my radiator when I got the oil changed. Can you imagine how angry this would make you if it was your bike? It’s beyond disrespect. I’m hoping you all can break legs and get them to do the right thing. My two main points of contact are Bobbi the service manager and David mortlock the fixer. I would appreciate your help with this issue. I hope to get resolution tomorrow or at least this week. Thank you.
So today was a busy Sunday. Lots of stuff happening in the covert war and world. But as always my life is pretty boring. Today was an eating day so I ate. The people at Walmart poisoned me pretty intensely. I saw this lady who looked and was related to Tristan purvis my first boyfriend and person outside of my family that kidnapped and tried to kill me and she was also related to David Goggins at superior steel in Eugene where I worked a temp job and he tried to destroy me. So the thing about Asperger’s is I can see people’s souls when I look in their eyes. It’s overwhelming. That’s why people like me avoid eye contact. I dont want to see your demons. It’s really uncomfortable. They are uncomfortable for you all. Imagine what it feels like from the outside looking in. Especially because I can avoid all those feelings by just not going there. However, once in awhile I do look into people’s eyes. I honestly dont know why. I think its because they think they are destroying me with eye contact because normally they are poisoning me, but people know eye contact can hurt my nervous system. Demons hurt everyone. It’s amazing how many demons the French Canadians have. I suppose all people have demons, but they seem to have more than their fair share. Let me tell you, I have looked into the eyes of these 3 people from the same group. They have similar genes and epigenetics. I dont know how closely related they are, but they all looked the same on the inside. It was weird. I have a database in mind of souls I have seen. Just like I collect information, I collect data on souls too. It’s like an energetic database of some sort in my mind. I honestly don’t know how it works because my mind has always been like this. Anyways want to know what I saw? It was overwhelming emptiness, sadness, pain, anger, and just emptiness like a hole inside them. They were like a vase with nothing in them. It has taken a lifetime to collect data on souls to really understand what it all means. But your soul is not meant to be a vast empty space. These people were like canyons at the grand canyon. Just vast emptiness. People are supposed to have substance. We collect substance our whole lives. We cultivate our souls our whole lives. With age the data gets more intense and dynamic. But it was just emptiness and bad feelings. Tristan did a lot of drugs. Like stay up for 3 days doing coke kind of drugs. He also cried a lot. He was destroying me and trying to kill me and trying to get me to have his child, but he would cry all the time and want and need me to comfort him. I knew something was wrong with him. But now today I realized a lot of the French Canadians are like him. At least the ones who joined my Dad’s cult. Tristan would always eat chicken. He looked down on me because I liked to eat beef. Chicken makes you subhuman on a cellular level and this is why my Dad gets his cult members to eat it so much. Tristan was raised in my Dad’s cult, but I wasn’t fully. It’s weird to see how other people have lived and how my Dad has made them live. Because I didn’t grow up like them. I dont know why we didn’t follow the same rules as his cult members, but we didn’t. After my brother was born and my parents got divorced we did a little more. But if my Dad wanted me to live like his cult members he would of had to spend time with me. I lived alone most of my life after my parents divorced. My Dad remarried a couple times, but I only lived with his wives breifly. I was alone and so I lived how I wanted to and how I was raised. I did what I thought was best. Being that I was so young and sheltered it was rarely the best, but it seems I may have had it better than some people.
My soul is not empty. I have cultivated my soul from a very young age. I had an imaginary friend as a kid. I’m pretty sure this friend was God. My Mom never told me overtly, but the way people looked at me in Arizona when I talked about God it was as if they had seen a ghost. God is the quantum field and I have been going there since I can remember. It’s my happy place. And I am pretty sure my Mom used to yell at me and tell me God was my only friend. I take things literally you know. So maybe this was the best thing for me. She couldn’t teach me how to cultivate my soul, but she introduced me to someone who could. It’s never too late to do the right thing. It’s never too late to find yourself. It’s never too late to cultivate your soul. No one deserves to be empty inside. If you dont feel fulfilled find something that fulfills you and you should probably stay away from things that destroy you. If drugs and alcohol and cookies are the only things that make you feel fulfilled I think you are missing the boat on the purpose of fulfillment. Lighting up my brain with drugs and alcohol and cookies is cool sometimes but real fulfillment is way better. It takes awhile to find your thing, but once you do you have it for life. Writing is my thing. I have always loved it. People in the overt world never have listened to me or got what I was saying. So I took up writing which is really just talking to myself. Then I found the internet and started a blog. And I started talking to the world hoping that someone out there understood me. I learned most people in my Dad’s cult dont understand when I talk about feelings. My Dad’s cult members have cluster b personality disorders by design. So they don’t have a full emotional spectrum. I know c diff plays a part in this because when my infection gets bad my spectrum of feelings and humanity shrink. But I think the big factor is heavy metals. Everything bad in your body flourishes when you have heavy metal toxicity.
I realized today I have literally been surrounded by French Canadians my whole life. Not just my family but my environment too. I grew up out in Thurston and I went to Thurston high and North Eugene. I quit high school at 16 and got my GED. School was boring. I had more fun staying home and in my pajamas reading books. I literally skipped school to read the books I wanted to read. I dont know if anyone else did that. If there is someone else out there that did this I want to meet you. The information in schools is just another conditioning tool for the war games. I am so different because I never got to live a normal life. Once 6th grade hit and the kids started poisoning me I stopped going regularly. All I knew was school made me feel bad and I wasn’t learning anything. There were a few classes throughout my life that were helpful. But for the most part I learned more staying home. My Dad didn’t care as long as I didn’t get in trouble and cause problems with the law over truancy. So I rarely went to school. I’m lucky because if he would have made me go I would have learned to hate humanity like most people. So I’m very grateful I got to skip school and my Dad left me alone most of the time while he was hunting his wives and conquering the French Canadians. I now realize Kris Uffins and Brenda Holloway were French Canadians. I liked Kris, but Brenda was pretty awful to me. Which is good because it made me leave my Dad’s house at 16. I needed to get away from him. Dealing with the sexual abuse got harder the older I got. I am very glad I left.
It’s funny my Dad got so angry when I left A1 and moved to Arizona. I never really tried to date after A1. If I couldn’t be in a good relationship where a man paid me to be his girlfriend, then I knew relationships just weren’t for me. Because I tried traditional before the adult industry and I may not have fully comprehended the destruction but I felt it. My Dad is why I have never had a successful relationship. But that lead me to dating for money and got me out of Oregon. I doubt I ever really want any kind of romantic relationship. Sure I will get married to pass my birthrights on and to protect you all. But that is about finding my children. I dont know what kind of relationship I want or need with the man I marry. I’m more excited about finding my kids.
And then today I was thinking about life after this revolution. I dont think I want friends. Why would I want friends in the traditional way? I have made friends and found my family throughout this revolution. I have the farmers, the leaders in the west, the east, the south, and I’m making friends with the north. I have a world of people to talk to. Of course one day I would like to find a way for you all to talk back. But for now im pretty content because friends have tried to destroy me ever since 6th grade. I dont need to do the same thing over and over if it keeps destroying me. I adapt and move on. And I found you all.
So you know what I look forward to after this revolution is over? I look forward to drinking water that doesn’t make me bloated and my organs fail. I look forward to clean clothes every day and soft pajamas. I look forward to clean food and having a bed big enough for me and Haywood. He is quite a bed hog. Little guy but he takes up a lot of room especially when he sleeps. I look forward to having more rituals and routines because they soothe my nervous system. I look forward to waking up when its still dark out because when I’m at my best I like to go to bed at around 8pm. I like my life to be simple and easy. I look forward to fermenting food and getting a worm bin so I can figure out the most effective way to ferment the earth and put the bacteria we all need back into it. That is a project I am so excited for. I love projects and that one will have so many variables to figure out. It’s a simple process but figuring out how to do it the best way on a large scale worldwide will be a bit tricky. Healing cancer naturally was a bit tricky too, but this should be easier because I feel better and can think more clearly. I love projects and challenges. Waking up when it’s dark to work on my projects and feel the world before everyone else wakes up and causes the commotion of the day is exciting to me. I kind of look forward to real estate. I figured out the equation to real estate in Arizona, but people have been getting in my way ever since then. So it’s hard to get excited about something that has been kept from you for so long. It almost feels like a chore now. Which is sad because I used to love it. But I am going to do it and succeed because I want to buy a farm. I need to have cows to ferment the world and I need more worms than a worm bin can provide. So I need a farm. Wants versus needs. Farming is a need for me because I dont really desire people or relationships beyond the ones I have found in the war games. I have finally found people who treat me well. Why in the world would I want to try to have friends in the overt world where people try to kill me? That’s just illogical. However if I buy a farm and learn how to ferment the world i can meet the people who treat me well. So i am motivated to ferment the world because I get to have real friends if i learn how to save the world. Saving the world is really just saving myself. I guess I am motivated by self interest just like everyone else. If I dont get to ferment the world I dont want to play this game anymore. I’m tired. I understand a lot of things now and I don’t like most of them. If this is how the world chooses to be, I don’t want any part of it. I have struggled to stay alive for my whole life, but especially the past 8 ish years. These years the destruction has become overtly obvious in my life more so than ever before. So obvious that I figured out the war games and found a way to connect with the leaders of the world. Can you imagine having to do everything I have had to do just to stay alive? It’s hard for me to fathom. It’s been a lot. I dont want to do this much longer. Things have to get better exponentially because I’m tired. I’m not one to give up or throw in the towel, but I think 2 years is more than a fair shot for a revolution. In 19 days it will be 2 years. I guess that is my deadline for better. If I dont have better by 19 days I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m tired of seeing ugly people everywhere I go. I am tired of the Truman show I live in. I have read about the real world but I have never experienced it. I’m going to be 42 years old in 19 days and I have never seen the real world. That is hard for me to comprehend. And it hurts a lot. So much has been kept from me. Including who I really was and am. My birthrights have stolen the world from and they have stolen love from me. And they have stolen my potential. In two years I have almost undone everything my Dad took a lifetime to do. Can you imagine how much potential I have wasted? It makes me mad and sad. I have a lifetime to make up for this, but only if you all are ready to be revolutionary and get better for us all. My life is always going to be in other people’s hands rather than my own because of what I represent. Can you imagine how frustrating that is? I’m forever going to be vulnerable until I find my people and family in the overt world. So it motivates me to learn how to ferment the world quickly. And it motivates me to sell real estate even though a world of people have tried to stop me from doing what I’m good at. I may not like real estate as much as I once did. But the idea of finding my family in the overt world motivates me to do a lot. Look at what I have accomplished in the past 5 years. I honestly dont know how I did it all. Where there is a will there is a way. I guess that is the best explanation I have. I deserve better and I’m willing to work for it, but only for so long. 19 more days is my deadline. A person can only be destroyed for so long.
Nicole D Graves