This past week was really hard. I was so high on e poisons this week. The food and water were really poisoned. So much so that I have resorted to just eating crackers. I have given up on my alternate day fasting and have gone back to one meal a day. Because the poisons spike my cortisol so badly I need a way to lower my stress hormones. Eating every day does that. My chest is swelling because my kidneys are failing. My left hand is swollen most of the time from my heart failing. I’m bloated from the gluten I’m eating feeding my c diff infection and making me constipated. But I feel so much better because gluten creates gut bacteria diversity and is feeding my gut bacteria more than I have in many years. After almost a decade of being pretty strictly gluten free I’m realizing that was just a way to make me more subhuman. Everything that is good for us has been turned into a weapon. Meat, dairy, and wheat are some of the best things for our bodies. Yet, they are weapons in the world we live in. I guess I’m lucky that I like experiments and reading medical research. I would have never learned all this stuff without thinking and doing differently. I survived the fall and winter by eating ice cream. Looks like crackers will keep me alive this spring. I just have to focus on staying in a calorie deficit to loose a little weight if I’m going to eat every day. Lowering my fat intake a couple months ago has really helped me come alive again. And stopping eating raw liver has also helped a lot. Because they were poisoning it so much that it was hurting us more than helping us. Haywood has lost so much inflammation since I stopped giving him liver. It’s his favorite food, but I was killing him giving it to him. Comfort kills in this world.
The past week I finally realized my Dad’s cult members will never treat me fairly. They will never see that I’m right and destruction is wrong. It’s basically like me expecting my Dad or Mom or any of the Kudearoffs to treat me fairly. My Dad’s cult members are just an extension of him. I am my Dad’s biggest enemy. I never realized we were enemies until two years ago. I just thought I had really bad luck and bad health.
I have read all kinds of books on cluster b personality disorders. And yet it took me till just this past week to realize I am these people’s arch enemy. My Dad has created a cult of people who hate me because I believe in doing the right thing. I don’t believe in genocide or racism. And so my Dad has created a group of people who look at me as their enemy. He gets everyone that I interact with in the overt world to join this group and his cult. Everyone in my Truman show looks like someone from my past who has destroyed me. However, now I realize no matter how many leaders I convince to help me get better, these people will always hate me. It’s so weird to have your parents and family create a cult that hates you. They literally want to kill me, so they can kill the world. They want to turn the world into their very own subhuman slave race. And I’m the only one standing in their way. The socioeconomics of the people who remain in this group and cult have completely changed. Now they are accepting anyone. But what is hard for me to understand is why are people still signing up? I have shared so much information about how we all need to do better. Yet, people would rather sign up to enslave us all than do better. I dont understand this at all. My whole life my family and everyone that has tried to kill me has tried to get me on board with enslaving others. I never turned. I never could understand enslaving others. I just want to be free. If I enslave others I’m never going to be free because I would be stuck in the same dynamic just on the other end. I want to be free and I want everyone else to be free too. Apparently that is a great sin in the world and family I come from.
I think I may have finally reached all the leaders from the north. Two more weeks till the official 2 year mark, over 700 days, and I finally reached the world. I started out with a blog and good intentions. And here I am journaling on a Sunday evening with the whole world tuned in. There are countless people who have helped me stay alive. And if I was following the rules of the war games and staying within my subgroups I would have been killed. I had to break out of so many rules and traditions to stay alive. And it took me almost two years to reach the world. Two years of people trying to kill me everywhere I go pretty openly and overtly. Countless people I have seen having brain orgasms because they get to partake in destroying me and apparently destroying me is a bigger dopamine hit than destroying the average person. I have learned a lot about humanity and most of it isn’t good. Reaching the world is bittersweet because this is just another new beginning. The fight is not over. And I don’t know if it will ever really be fully over. The best I can do is keep surviving and get married so I have children who are willing to fight this war after I’m gone. I dont know what kind of children would sign up to live this kind of life that is a war. But I know I need to create great resources for them in the overt world so they have as much help as they deserve.
Since you all are listening in we may as well check in and see how things are going. Mafia down in Mexico, how did it go with finding my family in Argentina? Are they safe? Did you get them some products so they can make their lives better? A helping hand is all we need sometimes. We just need people to show us a way out.
Argentina Family, my family from the south, I think you all have lived in a warzone like me. And I am sorry we have had to live like this. But I don’t believe it will end soon. But I do believe it will be better when we work together. I am the way I am because you all are apart of me. You all make me not only rich, but you make me better. How is the hunt for a man for me to marry going? I am putting the world in your hands by letting you all choose my children. Make sure they are strong. I need strong children who understand right and wrong. I need children who have experienced what it’s like to be enslaved so they never do this to anyone else. Please take care of yourselves and be good to each other. And hurry as much as possible. I need you all here with me. I realized this week I’m probably going to be alone in the world until you all brave entering my overt life. I think you all are the only ones who will brave getting involved with me and not try to kill me. I worry people wont buy and sell real estate with me. I said thank you in a class tonight for exp and I could feel the fear of everyone and how they held their breath. I dont know if people will ever see past what I represent. I have enough money to stay afloat for awhile, but I’m not going to make it very long without career success. I will never be able to ferment the world without career success. So maybe you all and your proceeds from moving Mexicans products is a backup plan. Because I am going to have to sell a lot of homes to get a farm and fix this all. I worry about my survival, but I have been surviving a lifetime. I worry most about not being able to fix everything. Because that would mean all this pain and surviving and staying alive has been in vain. I dont want to do the bare minimum. I don’t just want to let everyone know how destroyed they are and not offer a solution and help them overcome it all. So my family in the south, you all are my insurance policy. I would love if we both can be successful in our revolutionary actions and then come together. But I may need you all to save me. Because no one else will. I have tried my whole life to find someone to help me. No one has ever tried to help me. But they all have tried to kill me. I just dont have the heart or energy to do this much longer alone. So I need you all just as much as you all need me. I have always needed someone to be loyal to me. I’m just a human but no one sees me as human. I am larger than life and people see dollar signs when they see me. Because my Dad pays and rewards people to kill me. My family in the south I think you all can relate to this feeling. You all are larger than life. You must be a very powerful family from Argentina. I’m guessing you are the most powerful family from Argentina. Because the birthright I inherited from my grandpa Graves gives me control of the south. So I’m sure you understand what it feels like for people to see money signs when they see you. Because my Dad pays and rewards people for destroying you too. We belong together. Because not many people understand how hurtful this life can be. When I talk to you all my Dad has air traffic fly over me. So I know you all can hear me. I need you all. And I want better for all of us. You all are the family I have been searching for for a lifetime. We are going to make the most of this life and do good with the power we have. Because it’s the only way we get better. We need to know that the children we leave behind will never live like we have. No one should have to live like this. And we know this from experience. Experience is a great teacher. It leads to wisdom which will always trump knowledge. My family from the south please take care of yourselves and hustle hard. I’m going to hustle up here too and do my best. But the world is counting on you all if I’m not able to make things work in real estate. You are the only plan b I have. Being from our family is a lot of pressure and pain. But hopefully we can change that all soon. I dream of our family farm every night before I go to sleep. I hope you all do too. The quantum field connects us all you know. So every night before sleeping think of our farm. This all seems unreal and often unattainable. But the quantum field has kept me alive my whole life. The quantum field is God. God will help us, we just have to help ourselves. I love you all very much. I hope to see you soon. I’m very vulnerable up here alone. But I know you all understand what that feels like. Together we are strong.
Nicole D Graves