I woke up in North Portland and it was sunny. I had parked near a freeway wall unknowingly but it wasn’t too bad besides getting pretty high on E poisons before bed. Sleep was good, but they gave me nightmares via my chip. I never really have dreams or nightmares unless they are implanted thoughts it’s weird. My Dad was in my head this morning. It’s been a long time since I felt his presence in my head. He did not want me to go to Washington.And I have to admit I was a bit nervous about it too. Because it always gets dark there and the poisons are strong. They keep the people in Washington really isolated. I suppose they try to keep everyone really isolated.
So I procrastinated a bit this morning and was just a bum because I really don’t have a time frame for anything these days. I do worry about money, but I have more money than I ever did when I lived in Arizona and was working small jobs to get by. Not paying for an apartment that destroys me is a huge weight lifted off my finances. But I do miss being alone and having my own space. But I don’t miss having people break into my space and poisoning my things. The less stuff I have the less stuff I have to poison. It’s a beautiful equation. I don’t really like stuff anymore. I would like to be cleaner but showers are tools of destruction. Aka concentration camp showers. So I put my worries about money into perspective this morning and left Portland. I crossed the border and ate lunch in Vancouver. The white people were very interesting to watch at the Walmart. I don’t understand the war games dynamics in Washington. They have white pride but it’s better than no pride like there is in Oregon now. The people remind me of my family before my grandma Kudearoff died. It’s like she wanted her girls to live like white people. She wanted good lives for them. Maybe I’m wrong but the people loved my grandma Kudearoff she made them smile and feel special. People don’t react like that to someone who only has bad intentions for them. No one else in my family is loved like my grandma was. She may not have been a great person to her family but she was a good leader. She was kind of good to me. I saw her evil side, but that motivated me to be good because I never wanted her wrath to be directed at me. She could make anyone feel awful and small. I have these moments that are referred to as Mom moments where I kind of RIP people a new asshole with the truth. I think I get this from my grandma Kudearoff. People just need to act right and do better and I guess sometimes they just need to be reminded of the reality of the situation. Life gets messy we all get cloudy vision sometimes.
So the white people in Vancouver at lunch brought back memories. I miss those times before the darkness surrounded us all. Why is Washington exempt from the darkness of southern Oregon and California? It seems like Portland is a divider of sorts for two different worlds. Salem is in the dark. Portland is the border to a different way. It’s weird. I did love the time I spent in Portland living in the pearl district. I was being murdered everyday but I really liked the town.
I gave my talk in Vancouver and it went well. News seems to spread faster with time. My message is gaining momentum. I can only hope it is doing this outside of I5 too. I wonder if the rest of the world knows I realized my birthrights and even if I’m alive. I sure hope so. I know the war games armies that uncle dave is in charge of know about me, but how far do his armies go? He’s only lived in Oregon and Washington. Who handles the armies in California? The Certain One is involved somehow or some way. I think Sacramento is his birthright. Well I know it is, he must be a #2. He never married tho but he has a son. Hmm I haven’t thought about him in a long time. I miss the person he has the potential to be. He could be great if he gave up on destruction. Especially destroying himself. But he is the one who taught me about b12 shots. Everyone taught me something.
So kept moving up I5 publishing my cliff notes news update and telling the people I had an announcement. Near long view they made phone loose signal for uploading my blog. It was weird. Probably a car passing me had some kind of device that did it. So I stopped and figured it out and restated the phone. Gave more news updates got on the wrong direction to the freeway ended up at a dog park. My kids weren’t impressed with the poodle there so we walked by the river and got back on the road.
Nothing really out of the ordinary the rest of the way to Olympia, but it just felt nice to get some movement in. I don’t remember how many days it took me to get from eugene to Portland via hwy 99 but it was more than a few. Its been a blurry trip filled with all the poisons. Lots of the firewood with the cold hands and feet poison that makes you sad. Springfield smelled like that growing up a lot I remember. Which is weird cuz I remember happy people? Maybe they were doing their covert happy people thing? It could be but they were healthier and my family was even happier. They used to really laugh even though sometimes they fake laughed. Now all they do is fake laugh. I may not know the truth about much, but I know people were happier and healthier when my grandma Kudearoff was alive. It may have all still been destruction but it was bearable to some degree. The food was so much better. Fast food in the early 80s was awesome before they changed it to fake foods. That I know for sure I live good and even as a kid I wondered what happened. I still don’t know the specifics of the war game agenda, but I know GMOs are created to create leaky gut and lead to disease. So the food changing was an act of destruction. And maybe it did start to happen before my grandma got sick. Maybe she was on board with it all. But she would have never allowed for me and Jessica to be destroyed so much. We are her legacy or at least we were supposed to be.
Okay so got to Olympia drive around making my announcement and found my way to a Safeway on the east side of town. It was pretty empty when I got there. Like crazy empty because my family always sends people to the grocery store to hang stalk me and I used GPS on the way there so they knew where I was going. The talk went really well. It felt good. I felt like they were as happy to connect with me as I was to finally connect with them. It felt good. They didn’t fear me, they treated me like one of them. It was a weird going home feeling. Like being somewhere you know you belong. I don’t always get those feelings when giving my news updates. Actually I rarely get those feelings. It’s like Washington has been waiting for me to wake up and figure things out. Boy what a disastrous nightmare this all has been. But if we can create a better world maybe it all will be worth it because we will never take good forgranted again. There will always be things that need improving, but hopefully we never get this far off track again.
This whole trip up I5 this time, I have been mourning getting to ordinary and trying to come to terms at the same time with going back to eugene and working a mind numbing job. I hate it still, but after this trip I’m okay with enduring the things many of you have had to endure. Its not forever just for right now. Eventually my parents have to die. And I have always found a way out from being kept small in the past. This too shall pass. It’s hard to give into everything, but what other choice do I have. I’m not trading this prison for another like I have too many times in my life. I choose me and independence. Even if I have to camp out inappropriately friends backyard when it gets too hot to sleep in the Jeep. I made it all winter sleeping in the Jeep so I can do the impossible for a little bit longer. I refuse to pay for home that is used as a weapon of destruction against me. I just can’t live like that anymore. Its not right. I’m tired of my humanity being always used against me. My humanity is not a weakness it’s my greatest strength.
So life is going to continue to be hard and unfair and not filled with potential, but I accept it because the internal turmoil from not accepting it is too great and will create disease if I continue to hold onto it. I accept life for what it is in this moment because what are the other options.
Tomorrow I make my way to Seattle. The last time I was there I found Kirkland. They didn’t destroy me there even back then. I have hope that Seattle will be in the know when I get there. I hope it will be a good feeling like today was. Today felt better than Oregon. The talk I gave in Lebanon kind of felt like this and maybe Corvallis too. I suppose the drugs I’m on dictate the feelings I get from the talks too. Everywhere feels different at different points because I connect with different groups of people. The subgroups and divisions are overwhelming. I hope one day we can all just be people together. Some divisions are okay, but this many is just too much and confusing and not healthy.
So that was my day.
Oh I found a place to park by a pond in trees with hiking trails and walked the dogs and got some fresh air in tonight. Dog walks keep me sane. Perfect ending to really good day.
Live always
Nicole D Graves
Ps I saw a guy who looked so much like my brother today at winco in Vancouver. Are there people who look like me out there? I see so many people with the same epigenetics I want to see someone with mine. How neat would that be. Do you all see how much you all look alike. It’s crazy. I want to see the people who look like me.
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