I left Arizona on March 30th and finally am sitting down to my first meal. I gave up food, ciggarettes, caffeine, showers, clean clothes, hotels, and pretty much anything civil. However, after a couple years in Sierra Vista mastering my discipline and falling in love with learning myself, I can do anything that I put my mind to.
The story of my family may never be entirely clear, but I am getting the just of the story and have called a truce of sorts with my Mom. Her goons are no longer following, harassing, and gassing me(but military people are still following me, I can tell by how they drive and dress). She is smart enough to not allow me to get into a reactive state where I tell the truth about everything, even things her most trusted probably do not know.
The looks in people’s eyes have changed, but they seem to forget that they had no loyalty towards me as a child. So, there will be no loyalty given to those who do not earn it. I may be more like my Mom than I would like to admit.
After being chased by motorcycle gangs and military people through three states, here I am back in Oregon. When I crossed the border people recognized me as if they had been watching my whole escape from Southern Arizona. I know they don’t admire my desire to tenaciously stand up for what is right because currently the dark side is profiting them. They all are just covert in all their interactions because they do not know how to be authentic. Look for the people who pride themselves on social norms. Social norms can be quite deceiving.
After arriving in Eugene/Springfield, I went to see a friend to take a shower. Well, she poisoned me and my dogs with radon in her own house. Do these people not understand they are human too? Her second son is also like me. I realized this today(after over a decade) when she put him down about having suicidal thoughts. No one sane grows up in a family/cult like this and does not think of death.
Realizing that I have lived the Truman Show my whole life and that my family viewed it as a worthy sacrifice is a really weird pill to swallow.
At the age of 4, I broke my whole family/cult because they do not live in reality and I like to speak the truth. Well, I have been paying for that one comment ever since. Looking back over my life, I realize quite a few people die after I leave them behind. It’s funny they sign up to help kill me and it is the end of them, rather than the end of me. Reminds me of the Budha quote, “Holding onto anger is like holding onto a hot coal…”
So, I just left behind another cult I found in Southern AZ(Chantilly Virgina area is another one). It starts in Sierra Vista and goes all the way down to the Mexican border through Hereford and Bisbee. The further south people live, the more beat down they look and they do not even try to hide their dark empathy. It was shocking to “accidentally” find another reality that matched the sick realty that I grew up in.
I will never understand why people choose to live like this? But I do think it has something to do with pain. Would you rather be the one inflicting the pain or would you rather experience the pain? I don’t know if there is right answer. How about we just opt out of pain, that sounds like the superior option.
The past couple years, I have experienced people creating pattern interrupts in my life to slow me down and confuse me because with my genetic modifications I am very flow and routine based. They were trying to tell me that I did not belong in the world, their world. It was a lot cause I have overcome a ton in the past few years. I healed cancer naturally while I was in Southern Arizona. I just want to be me and be a good person, why do these people have to keep messing with me? If they would have left me alone, I would not have continued to put the pieces of my past together.
Please allow me a moment of humanity. God says, “Eye for an eye.” Revenge is not evil, hurting people is evil. However, we all need a shadow to protect us. Perhaps, that is what is wrong with the cult members. They never feel safe enough to take their shadow down. Anyways, what do you think will happen to the cult members who harassed me while I was in Southern Arizona? They are all serial killers, covert killers, but they don’t see their worth(Ironic, they don’t see their worth so they have no problem harming another because they must be worthless too, right?). Until people recognize their ability to be bright and shiny without conforming to darkness, I cannot hold onto hope for them. I also do not wish death or harm on them, even though they would have been grateful for my death.