Only I Can Save Myself

I quit my real estate position in Arizona in January, because my family had gotten to the people I worked with. Needless to say that never ends up well for anyone. But I have had bosses before who saw my value. Not only am I a genius and a bit of a workaholic, I elicit great attention and curiosity no matter where I go. People love to see what all the fuss is about.

This morning my Mom was so excited because she thought I was going to stay here and let her and my Brother kill me and my dogs. Well, that seems like a real bad deal for me. Why would I want to give her what she has always wanted? It is not Christmas. I may not know where I am going, but I am not staying here. Like I said before this is a moment of rest and regrouping. Once I find a new position where I can explore my potential I am doing my happy dance and hitting the road.

Since January, I have been reaching out to many different people in many different industries with no luck via email. My family does not want me to speak out about being on the Autism spectrum and being a genius. It’s bad public relations for them. People may talk about what they covertly do to create people like me and then how they enslave them to a life of evil mediocrity or a group home. Heaven forbid people know the truth about them.

I have a new approach. Wish me luck, because this could be amazing for my people.

Xoxo

Nicole

Living Like A Grey Rock

Do you know what it is like to have never had a real conversation with anyone? I do. I break people when I fire on all cylinders, people can rarely handle the truth. This makes me not want to even try to communicate with anyone. It’s a waste of energy, because I never get what I truly seek out of it. I prefer to write/blog about my life, thoughts, and feelings. Rather than interact with people who will gaslight me.

“The grey rock method involves communicating in an uninteresting way when interacting with abusive or manipulative people. The name “grey rock” refers to how those using this approach become unresponsive, similar to a rock. The technique may involve: avoiding interactions with the abusive person.” https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/grey-rock

I am sure this is how others with Asperger’s feel, too. It’s lonely to be so smart. No one really can keep up or even wants to try. It is easier to play dead like the others on the autism spectrum who lack verbal skills. They are smarter than most people give them credit for. Everyone on the Autism spectrum has more dynamic energy compared to neurotypicals.

We represent the exception to the rule and the fact that we are often in families with narcissists just adds to our lack of interest in forming relationships with others. In my experience, I have never not had to conform in order to create a lasting bond/relationship. Can you see how this could turn us off and make us not want to try?

One day, I hope you all try to meet us half way because we adapt to your neurotypical world everyday in countless ways.

Xoxo

Nicole

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/resolution-not-conflict/201406/do-you-think-narcissism-autistic-spectrum-disorder