Living Like A Grey Rock

Do you know what it is like to have never had a real conversation with anyone? I do. I break people when I fire on all cylinders, people can rarely handle the truth. This makes me not want to even try to communicate with anyone. It’s a waste of energy, because I never get what I truly seek out of it. I prefer to write/blog about my life, thoughts, and feelings. Rather than interact with people who will gaslight me.

“The grey rock method involves communicating in an uninteresting way when interacting with abusive or manipulative people. The name “grey rock” refers to how those using this approach become unresponsive, similar to a rock. The technique may involve: avoiding interactions with the abusive person.”

I am sure this is how others with Asperger’s feel, too. It’s lonely to be so smart. No one really can keep up or even wants to try. It is easier to play dead like the others on the autism spectrum who lack verbal skills. They are smarter than most people give them credit for. Everyone on the Autism spectrum has more dynamic energy compared to neurotypicals.

We represent the exception to the rule and the fact that we are often in families with narcissists just adds to our lack of interest in forming relationships with others. In my experience, I have never not had to conform in order to create a lasting bond/relationship. Can you see how this could turn us off and make us not want to try?

One day, I hope you all try to meet us half way because we adapt to your neurotypical world everyday in countless ways.



Why Are You People Shocked By My Humanity?

Do you know what it is like to be Anti-Social with a large emotional spectrum and an overload of empathy? It hurts. I have not connected to a human since my Grandma died, but I feel a ton for humanity as a whole. It is frustrating, because I think about us as a collective. However, people have always have treated me as if I am not apart of whatever you all consider yourself to be.

Where are your children like me? Where are my people? If it hurts you to see me, what happens when you see your children? You just don’t go there, huh? I worked at a group home while in Sierra Vista, because I thought I could make a difference. Well, I learned more than I bargained for. This is normally what happens though. My heart leads me somewhere and my brain is just not ready for what I find. You believe them when they tell you I am shallow, huh? Can you feel my humanity in my words?

April 19, 2021, the day the world finally broke me and my family sat and watched with joy. When I get emotionally overwhelmed, I try to logic my way out of it and disconnect from the 3D world. Thus, trying to negotiating with terrorists and forgetting they aren’t human. I know better, these people have given up their hearts a long time ago. Way before I met them. Are you past the point of no return?

Why do they create children like me if they are just going to hate and kill us? They haven’t stopped. With all the chemicals in Oregon, why are you people still breeding? You know nothing good will come out of providing these people with more souls. This is why I have never had a child and have chosen abortion. I will hurt my own heart, before I will allow myself to be manipulated into hurting another.

Not having connected to many humans means I understand the value of it. It is literally priceless. And there is still room for humanity and mistakes in that pricelessness. My dogs are the only living beings that exist in my heart and they have more humanity than most humans. People have tortured my dogs just because they are mine and I love them. My love comes with a great cost, my Mom taught me this very early. This is why Haywood tries to bite. He has lead poisoning and understands the evil of humanity more than me. We have been detoxing since 2015/2016, but now I understand why this is a threat. When I meet myself as deep as I have through health and healing, it threatens their way of life and their dysfunction.

You know your children have everything inside them that I do, right? You understand they deserve to be healed too, right? When you remove the lead from your environment and body magic happens. Feelings emerge that were fleeting before and become common practice. I still wake up everyday happy and see the beauty of the world. As a child, I did not think this would ever happen or was even possible. My Mom told me that I needed to come to terms with the fact that I would never feel good in grade school. Have you told your children this too? Or do you let the people who work at the group homes do this for you?

I can heal your children just like I healed myself. This is why you look like you have seen a ghost, huh?