Encountering Toxic People While Healing Chronic Illness

Avoiding the general public has been a large part of my healing journey. I have been sick for so long, it is really hard to connect with average ordinary people. These are the people who keep fast food restaurants in business, talk a big self care game but practice very little, rely on western medicine blindly to solve their health issues, do not research and implement ways to improve their health and/or children’s health, use money as an excuse for their poor self care practices, etc.

When I started to see light at the end of the tunnel and had faith that I was not going to die, I made a promise to myself. I promised myself I would try to help others who were ill and felt hopeless like I had. My heart and rose colored glasses often lead me to have very idealistic goals that rarely manifest in the physical world like I plan, but I am always learning and growing from these experiences.

Last fall, I applied for a support provider position, because I thought what an amazing way to utilize the knowledge and wisdom I have acquired along my healing journey and reintegrate into society. I remember what it was like to not be able to take care of all my needs and how helpless I felt in those moments because I knew others would take advantage of my weakness. This was one of the most difficult parts of my healing. When I finally gave up the people that saw my illness as a weakness they could exploit, my healing journey did not take a magical turn towards empowerment. Instead, it got even more difficult. However, taking my power back was the best thing I ever did.

Fast forward to the present and I have been a support provider for almost 90 days. Can I just say, everyone needs to save more for retirement because no one deserves the level of care that the state provides, even through a private company. If I had been subjected to this level of care I would have died. The realizations have been downright overwhelming, but the most shocking part is that most people employed in this field are not caring, kind, and/or healthy.

In the past 90 days I have relearned many lessons about people and human nature, but the most impactual lesson has been: hurt people will hurt people. Narcissism runs very strong in American society and the healthcare industry is no exception. People are only rarely led to working in the healthcare industry to make a difference, but more often they are motivated by the opportunity to prey on weak people who cannot stand up for themselves.

A perfect example would be a man who recently quit because he was confronted with the fact that he was abusing a client. The company was not going to fire him, but wanted him to change and see the error of his ways. This talking to did not occur because the company is proactive about protecting the rights, safety, and welfare of their clients, but rather because they were avoiding the possible legal ramifications of a formal sexual harassment complaint.

I continue to learn lessons about life, people, and health. Exponentially more lessons than I ever would have expected and/or imagined. The past few months have been filled with many disheartening realizations about society and people. However, I am still continuing to make great progress in my healing journey.

Thank you to all who have subscribed, I will try to write more often.

Love & Coconut Oil

NiZi

“Giving people the benefit of the doubt only leads to self doubt.” ~Me

Unexpected Autoimmune Triggers

Well, it happened again this week. I was going about my life and having what I thought was going to be an average week of healing and progress. And then, I clogged my garbage disposal sink.

Who thinks of clogging the disposal as something that will end up impacting their health? Shoot, I know I did not. The longer I am on this healing journey the more I realize just how toxic the world is. There are so many things I never really thought of as negatively impacting my health that I have had to adjust and change in the past few years. We are conditioned by the society we live in to adhere to social norms. However, when I slow down to question the things I do not think about, I often realize the error of my ways.

Long story short, I tried to unclog the sink with vinegar and baking soda, but was unsuccessful. Next up was a bottle of Draino and this is where I went wrong. The sink still did not unclog and now I had a sink full of chemicals fuming up the house. Even with open windows and leaving the kitchen fan on, I still woke up the next morning with swollen eyes and fatigue.

The next day, I was picking my diet apart trying to figure out what the cause of my flair was for half the day. Then I had a light bulb moment and I realized it was the Draino. Haywood(my dog with lupus) had an autoimmune reaction the same day and this helped me put the pieces together.

Picking myself and my life apart every time a reaction happens is the worst part of healing autoimmune issues. I often feel like I failed myself(and Haywood). After all this time and pain, how could I not think about Draino as something that would endanger my healing? When will I learn? Is being a human in a man-made world really this tough?

Love & Coconut Oil

NiZi

“Change, like healing, takes time.”~ Veronica Roth

Experiencing Resistance-Why I Am Reluctant To Tell My Story

I told myself I would write at least one blog post a week. Well, that did not happen. Telling my story is a test of my ability to be vulnerable. I have been on this journey alone and have not shared my whole story with anyone. Every time I attempt to talk about my healing journey with someone, I end up disappointed in their response and/or reaction. People do not know how to react to things they have not experienced, especially things that make them uncomfortably question their own mortality and way of life.

Then on the other hand, maybe the resistance to writing my story out is that I am still in denial. I am a champion at ignoring things that do not fit the way I want my life to be. Living with my head in the clouds does not mean I do not see what is happening, but I do not address things as often or timely as I should. We all have our weaknesses, but awareness is the first step to changing behavior patterns and improving quality of life.

After winning, surviving, or whatever you want to call beating a serious face with death, there is no way I want to go back to living the way I used to. I no longer value or desire the same things. My goals have changed. My world has changed. However, most of these changes have been in my best interest.

The being sick part was lame and it still is a bummer to have to do so much self care just to get the minimum energy I need to make it through my days, but the person I have become is beautiful and strong in ways I could have never imagined before. This sounds so cheesy and basic, but I just cannot really encompass the change into words. Perhaps, once I finish this journey I will be able to explain it more clearly.

I am a work in progress and my journey is finally somewhere I can actually see the light at the end of the tunnel. Healing will always be apart of my journey and lifestyle from here on out, but I am excited for the days when my life does not revolve around my healing so intensely.

But for now, while I am here, we may as well talk about it!

Love & Coconut Oil

NiZi

“Face your fears and follow your heart in as many aspects of your life as possible.” ~Me 🙂

The best medicine ever! <3

You Deserve To Heal: A Blog Of My Healing Journey

This is a blog on my healing journey from chronic illnesses, cancer, and autoimmune diseases. It is a way for me to keep track of my progress and remember how far I have come. Healing is a lifestyle and journey that really has no destination other than growth and evolution.

A year ago, I moved to Arizona. I needed to escape the noise, pollution, and toxicity that linger in a city. This was a hard decision because so many parts of me did not want to give up the life I had become accustomed to. However, something in me knew I had to leave to heal and find myself on a deeper level. I no longer wanted to play in the kiddie pool of spirituality just to keep others comfortable. I believe in probiotics, meditation, ferments, yoga, gut bacteria, parasite cleansing, viruses, fungi, energy, vibes, gut feelings, and balance. These beliefs lead me to stray from mainstream often.

The average person is not really concerned with their gut bacteria and/or correlate it to their grumpy moods or cravings. Being ill for so long changed the way I look at life a lot. It is all about balance and keeping everything where it needs and desires to be.

So this is going to be a blog of me rambling about my health experiments, how I relate to a toxic world, and the homestretch of my healing journey.

Love & Coconut Oil

Nizi

“Healing is not a science, but the intuitive art of wooing nature.”

~W.H. Auden