“It’s just me against the world.”
Did 2pac have a birthright like mine? Because his lyrics are sure starting to make more sense lately.
My whole life everyone has had this out to get others mindset that I just did not understand. They get great joy at the expense of others pain and misfortune. Now I understand people will gladly roll others under the bus and/or poison them because they view it necessary for survival. My family has even viewed poisoning and torturing me as something they had to do in order to survive. Their survival depends on my non-survival. My family has never been about love merely obligation and loyalty.
Are all families like this? I would really like to think there are some normies out there and not everyone is a cult member. I know there are normies out there because even in my sheltered existence I have met a few. If I have met them, than they have to exist in greater numbers than my family cult wants anyone to believe.
Beliefs… can you imagine learning of my family cult while running for your life from communists and bikers in the Southwestern deserts of Arizona and Nevada? And learning these people are your family? The family you thought was dysfunctional and cult like, but never did you think organized enough to create something so to scale. It is like a franchise though, because it isn’t their idea. It is like they bought the blueprint from someone else. Only to carry on as if it was their own invention. Like they invented fast food.
What a trip, right? Yah, I am still processing it all. Honestly, it just makes me want to laugh. Can you imagine all the feelings and just how much they encompass? I know I can’t, its overwhelming. Forty years of lies, torture, abuse, and Truman Shows. But then again, there is a large part of me that is quiet like never before. Finally, I understand what all the covert messages were about and why every time I talk to someone there are at least two very different conversations going on. The overt: what they are actually saying, and the covert: what they are thinking and feeling.
If it wasn’t for this odd and yet peaceful quietness on the inside, I would have gone crazy by now. Maybe it is my soul, maybe it is my higher self, maybe it is my guides, maybe it is all of the above. But somehow somewhere all this mess is meant to get us all back on track. I do not know much about being a cult member, they were so sure that I would turn them down they never even asked me to join.
However, I do know about humans and humanity. Humans seek comfort and to soothe their nervous systems. These are things you can bank of them. The moment humans are out of survival mode, like after being chased by a lion, they will seek out comfort. Creature comforts are what can kill a person slowly, erode their mere existence right before your eyes. Creature comforts are how my family cult gets you(and me too). It is hard to believe that less is more because the math just doesn’t add up. But in this odd reality we are all taking part in with war games and covert agendas maybe the math just does not apply to us.
Today’s Gaslighting/Brainwashing Event:
My Mom keeps talking to me about marriage, children, and why I shouldn’t do either. However, this is the same woman who told me she would be happy when “I found someone to watch out for me” in my early thirties. Now I am guessing what she really meant was find a man to covertly cause you chronic illness and attempt your murder on a daily basis with a side of love.
Plus, gaslighting just pisses me off and makes me not want to even try to play their covert games. I remember the overt to covert incident of my early childhood and so I remember the people you all get to see. It’s all a charade. Everything is a charade. We are only playing these covert games because somewhere someway we believe this is the best it will get for us.
We believe as a collective we are not strong enough to take a stand. I saw this when I was running. The world is way more scared than I could have ever guessed and I understand why now. So tonight, do something revolutionary to calm your nervous system and maybe repeat it every night to come! Something that you can commit to doing a few nights a week, if not every night. Something small or something big. What I have been doing lately is going for a 40 minute walk with the dogs and my Mom every night. The more we can collectively do for our well-being, the closer we will be to believing we all deserve better.
Be revolutionary tonight, so we have a better tomorrow to work with.