Looking For A Researcher!

To Whom It May Concern

Hope you are enjoying this beautiful spring morning. I am writing because I am seeking a team to help me explore my potential. After growing up in a Russian Orthodox multi-generational narcissistic family cult in Springfield, Oregon in the 1980’s, I am finally coming to terms with what was taken from me. In the past year, I have discovered I have Aspergers and am a genius. With my background I have never had the opportunity to really partake in traditional education, but I do believe that knowledge is power. 

I seek to research my brain and my emotions. My cult created a super human of sorts. I am antisocial, but I am missing the need to destroy people. People are really unnecessary in my life. Unless it comes to getting my basic human needs met, because I was never taught life skills. People have always equaled pain. I do not understand if this is due to the Aspergers/genius or if it is due to being the scapegoat and not experiencing love as a child(nature vrs nurture). My rose colored glasses would have been beaten out of me if it was possible, but I was never able to conform. 

If we can pinpoint the factor that kept me logical instead of giving into emotions and thus destroying people. We can change the world and improve everyone’s childhood.

I understand this is a long shot and a lot to take in, but I have been fighting for freedom my whole life. And I will never be able to seek justice if I do not understand what all has been taken from me. 

I look forward to your response. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Raves4Nicole@gmail.com
(520) 866-1354

Are You READY For The Conspiracy Part?

My Grandma and Grandpa were raised in Russian Orthodox Orphanages in Russia and immigrated here after/during WWII. They spent two years in the Phillipines and found sponsors to come to America. They did not meet until they were here in California and they were matched by a matchmaker within a week. My Grandma was a rich woman’s baby who cheated on her husband with a soldier and he continued to visit my Grandma when she was in the orphanage. Well, this is the story I was told.

I rarely remember going to church as a child, but I do know that I was raised very religious in Orthodox ways. There is a connection to God in my story. I am unsure as to the whole connection, but I think I told my Mom I talk to God as a child because she told me “God is your only friend,” and it freaked her out. After my head injury at eight, I became more connected to the other side than the 3D world. I love dead people, I can talk to them and they make sense. Most living humans are an illogical emotional mess!

Also, take into account the nuns in Calistoga that my Mom took me with to visit to get permission to do something(1984 ish). I can guess it was to kill my grandparents, but honestly I am still in denial and that just seems so outlandish. But if it was true it would mean that the church owned my Grandma and Grandpa. Plus, they probably own my Mom and maybe that means they own me too.

Today, the people following me were very innocent looking. A good glare scared them a bit. These are people I would never imagine would be wrapped up in something like brainwashing and poisoning a town, aka cult like behaviors. However, religion has been at the roots of more battles in our history than any other issue.

So yeah the Catholic church, who would have thought?

Xoxo

NiZi

I Am Alive Because I Am A Social Norm

Growing up in a Russian Orthodox and Communist narcissistic family cult means that not conforming is a crime punishable by death. This was something they repeatedly told me and my cousins. They would take us out of this world and create another one just like us. So, how am I still alive?

I have escaped over and over. First, I was a pawn in my parents divorce. My Dad was smart enough to know my Mom would forever hold his sins against him and would brainwash me to her liking. At 18, I met a guy who was motivated by my Mom. He tried to get me hooked on drugs and pregnant. But in the end he is the only one who met the wrath of my Mom. He died a few years after we broke up and I would never have known unless my Mom had not told me. Souvenirs are sometimes the look of pain on people’s faces.

I have spoken up about the cult I grew up in and how toxic they are pretty much my whole life. This is why I am still alive. I am a social norm, before I am a loose end to my family. They know if I die, people will ask questions because people know what my family is capable of.

Speak your truth, it can save your life.

Xoxo

NiZi