Seven Days Of Running

I left Arizona on March 30th and finally am sitting down to my first meal. I gave up food, ciggarettes, caffeine, showers, clean clothes, hotels, and pretty much anything civil. However, after a couple years in Sierra Vista mastering my discipline and falling in love with learning myself, I can do anything that I put my mind to.

The story of my family may never be entirely clear, but I am getting the just of the story and have called a truce of sorts with my Mom. Her goons are no longer following, harassing, and gassing me(but military people are still following me, I can tell by how they drive and dress). She is smart enough to not allow me to get into a reactive state where I tell the truth about everything, even things her most trusted probably do not know.

The looks in people’s eyes have changed, but they seem to forget that they had no loyalty towards me as a child. So, there will be no loyalty given to those who do not earn it. I may be more like my Mom than I would like to admit.

Xoxo

NiZi

Do You Know How Frustrating It Is For Everyone To Know Who You Are, But You?

Until I started taking binders in 2017, I had no clue there was more to my family cult then just them. I bought all the brainwashing. I was born to be enslaved to my family. The fact that I want to live my own life on my own terms is something they are still trying to punish me for.

I have become one of those people who cannot stay in one place too long. People know who I am, they look at me with fear, hate, wonder, and desire. They see something I do not see. I do know it has something to do with having a baby because as a child I was brainwashed to marry a farmer and have 10 kids. My Grandma also had 10 kids.

So here are some pieces that I am still trying to puzzle together:

*Narcissistic Abuse damages your brain and causes it to shrink.

*43% of children will have a chronic illness by the time they are 18. This means women in our society are so engulfed in dark empathy that they cannot even take care of their children in a decent manner.

*Giving into social norms results in accepting learned helplessness, thus leading to dark empathy, and then cluster b personalities.

*My Grandma was a housekeeper at the hospital. She died of lung cancer, but did not smoke.

*A Mexican housekeeper at the apartment complex in Sierra Vista where I lived left a homemade stuffed animals on the stairs outside and it made my chest and face hurt. I think it was radon. They seem to enjoy lead, mold, and radon poisoning. However, the scary thing is it was a replica of the doll I got at Sacred Heart Hospital when I had surgery at eight in Eugene, Oregon.

*My whole family(aunts, uncles, and cousins) went to the pediatrician Dr. Johnson in Springfield, Oregon. Other kids who I went to school with who were like me also went to Dr. Johnson. Just for the record he never healed me of anything only made me worse. They say I got immunizations in half doses and that was the reason for me having twice as many as other kids.

*Housewives have the highest risk of cancer of any occupation. So obviously household cleaners are not as safe as they claim to be.

*Lake Trinity(Father, Son, & Holy Spirit) was a place my parents did cult business. This seems to be tied to cult members in Lake Havasu City. When I interviewed for a real estate position there I met with a lady my Mom knows.

*There are military and communist people following me. The military people will never be as vicious as the people raised communist, but they still have a great desire to kill and destroy.

*My parents played ET repeatedly for me as a child. I am unsure if they told me or if it was just implied that I would be studied if I ever said anything about being smart.

I know this all sounds crazy. That is why I have waited so long to write about this. Ever since I reached out to 34 random brokers looking for a real estate position it has gotten extremely worse. Finally, I am ready to admit that I am genius, INFJ, and have Aspergers. Why is it such a problem for me to be me?

Death Of People Who Have Tried To Kill Me & Failed

At the age of 4, I broke my whole family/cult because they do not live in reality and I like to speak the truth. Well, I have been paying for that one comment ever since. Looking back over my life, I realize quite a few people die after I leave them behind. It’s funny they sign up to help kill me and it is the end of them, rather than the end of me. Reminds me of the Budha quote, “Holding onto anger is like holding onto a hot coal…”

So, I just left behind another cult I found in Southern AZ(Chantilly Virgina area is another one). It starts in Sierra Vista and goes all the way down to the Mexican border through Hereford and Bisbee. The further south people live, the more beat down they look and they do not even try to hide their dark empathy. It was shocking to “accidentally” find another reality that matched the sick realty that I grew up in.

I will never understand why people choose to live like this? But I do think it has something to do with pain. Would you rather be the one inflicting the pain or would you rather experience the pain? I don’t know if there is right answer. How about we just opt out of pain, that sounds like the superior option.

The past couple years, I have experienced people creating pattern interrupts in my life to slow me down and confuse me because with my genetic modifications I am very flow and routine based. They were trying to tell me that I did not belong in the world, their world. It was a lot cause I have overcome a ton in the past few years. I healed cancer naturally while I was in Southern Arizona. I just want to be me and be a good person, why do these people have to keep messing with me? If they would have left me alone, I would not have continued to put the pieces of my past together.

Please allow me a moment of humanity. God says, “Eye for an eye.” Revenge is not evil, hurting people is evil. However, we all need a shadow to protect us. Perhaps, that is what is wrong with the cult members. They never feel safe enough to take their shadow down. Anyways, what do you think will happen to the cult members who harassed me while I was in Southern Arizona? They are all serial killers, covert killers, but they don’t see their worth(Ironic, they don’t see their worth so they have no problem harming another because they must be worthless too, right?). Until people recognize their ability to be bright and shiny without conforming to darkness, I cannot hold onto hope for them. I also do not wish death or harm on them, even though they would have been grateful for my death.

Xoxo

NiZi