I tell you all about me because when your being held hostage you are supposed to humanize yourself to improve your chances of survival. Allow me to do this for Teka.
Teka came to live with us when she was 8.5 years old when Haywood and I lived in Vegas. Haywood found her at doggie day care. Really she was planted there as part of our Truman show, but allow me to tell you the story as it happened to me.
Teka was a foster dog at Haywood’s school. She had been there for months. And before that she had been returned by her adopted because the other dog they had would attack her. I’m unsure what her original owner was like, but she has a damaged ear from when something happened that they wrapped up to her head and it healed really funny. So she has a damaged and deformed ear, but she hears just fine. When she found us her hips were bad from being created so much. She could barely go upstairs and she was nearly blind. She has cataracts that get worse when she is poisoned. When I first got her they were really bad. She would cry when she was in the dark. So if I didn’t leave a light on when I left home and didn’t come home before dark she would be crying and frantic. I think she was locked in a crate in the dark alone a lot. She was definitely neglected because she always wanted to be held. Even when we went walking she wanted me to pick her up, but I made her walk because I told her she could do anything Haywood could do. I was so worried about treating her fairly because I love Haywood so much. She learned how to do a lot of things when she came to us. She learned how to play in the backyard with Haywood. She learned to lay in the sun. Ge taught her to chase birds with him. She learned how to get rowdy and play. For years she was funny around food because of what happened with the dog that she got returned from. Food agression is what they said, but she was traumatized. She still has nightmares, but they are way better than they were. She used to cry in her sleep all the time. She still does it occassionally but I tell her it will be okay and pat her and she stops. She’s high maintenance but she deserves it. When I first got her she wouldn’t sleep with me and Haywood. She would nap with us and hang out on the bed and watch TV and eat with us, but every night she would go to her bed and sleep alone. Even in Arizona she would sneak off in the middle of the night and come back in the morning. She never cuddled with us at night till this trip. Last night she got cold and she came and curled up with me. This is something she just started doing in the past year. It has taken a lot for her to understand we are her family and we will be here for always.
When I first got her she always listened. She never was bad, except for peeing on the floor. She peed on the floor everyday fir about a year. If you moved to quick around her or scared her she peed on the floor. If you left her alone too long she peed on the floor. She doesn’t have accidents anymore. It took years but she is fine now minus the occassion when she eats something funny or out of the ordinary.
It took a long time for her to feel safe. It took a long time for her to learn she didn’t have to be my second skin. It took her a long time to learn that I’m not going anywhere and that I always come back for her. She knows I always come back for her now. And this has allowed for her to explore more and wander. Which I encourage because it’s her empowering herself and exerting herself. However when the poisons get too strong and she gets too far it’s too much for her eyes and nervous system. I dont want to distemper her and tell her no to wandering and exploring, but I tell her to stay close. Today/tonight is a reason why I probably need to keep her closer. Haywood knows to stay close, but she gets caught up in stuff because everything is still new to her. I’m pretty sure for the first 8 years of her life she spent it in a crate in an apartment with a family that had a kid and forgot about her. She does well around kids, but when she hears a baby cry she gets nervous even on the TV.
I have dragged her all over the west coast this year. I have made her fast a lit, but it has changed her in such an amazing way. She is so much calmer than she ever was before. Rarely does she do that chihuahua shake anymore and she used to do it constantly. That’s just toxins built up in their system because they are small and can’t handle much. We have done parasite cleanses together, heavy metal cleansing, and when I was fighting cancer using worm pills she took worm pills with me. I never guessed she would love to be this old. However it seems like what we are doing is working for all of us.
Teka is my heart. Not only did I cuddle her this morning when she was cold. I told her today that I love her more today than ever before and she is amazing. I try to do this daily or at least a few times a week. Love grows its doesn’t dissipate.
I know I dont have much in the overt world, but I love and care for my dogs the best I can. She has bathed more than me recently and she has a few fleas but we are working on it, I refuse to not let her play and go in the grass. So we spray her with some herbal stuff and she does take pharmaceutical flea meds. Fleas are just really bad this year. I give her a haircut myself so it’s not perfect but I think she looks dam cute. He teeth are bad but shes almost 14 and we have a vet appointment this weekend to have them looked at and come up with a plan. She has doggie health insurance even though I dont have insurance. I dont have much but I will take care of that girl as best I can.
Teka is the nice one out of my two dogs. Haywood will bite because he has bad kidneys so it hurts him when you all poison him. Teka is not as smart. Or she just knows that everyone poisons everyone. Haywood knows I would never poison him. Teka understands in this world you have to put up with a lot of shit to get loved. She was almost blind when I got her because she wants love so much. People poison her head when they pet her and it causes her eyes to get bad. The more I can keep her away from others the better her eyesight gets.
I understand I dont look like the best Mom, but I am the best Mom for Teka. I will live her forever, I will wake her up when she has nightmares, I will continue to prove I always come back for her. She allowed me to believe in love during the hardest times of my life. She helped me find the will to survive cancer. She is my why. She always will be because her love is pure. Even though everyone has always let her down she still loves and it’s pure love. She taught me not to give up on love just because people have done me wrong. I have learned so much from her. And I want to think that I have been able to return the favor. I have taken her to beaches, lakes, so many different states, I keep telling her you can do anything Haywood can. And she believes me now, because she has learned she can even do some things he can’t do.
Moments like this make me want to throw the towel in with this revolution and just take care of my babies. They deserve a good life. But we all deserve a good life and my babies are happier now than they were in Arizona. They are healthier now than when in Arizona. We lived in a death camp. We were never supposed to get out alive. The fact that all three of us are alive is proof there is a God and healing is much more than professional medical attention.
I messed up and deleted a couple paragraphs.
Please just let me have my baby back. I will be so grateful. She shouldn’t be punished for who I am, who my family is, or me having to be revolutionary. I would give all this up and be ordinary if that was an option. I have always just wanted to be ordinary. Tena is my taste of normal and ordinary and love. I just need some ordinary.
Love Always and please give her a fuzzy blanket to sleep with.
Nicole D Graves