The Majority Of My Desturbances

All my things are poisoned: my bedding, clothes, dogs, food, water, pot, rock stars, tea, showers, etc. Everyday I am at war, but my life has been like this since I can remember. However, now I know who I am at war against.

I am not going to fight back and join in on your games. I am sorry I just cannot because I understand humanity is a slippery slope once you start justifying hurting people. I know I am the extreme minority when I say these things and I know I will be punished and poisoned more. I have never experienced long periods of clean anything really, so this is not new. Now, I just know you all are the cause of the majority of my desturbances in my life.

As a human being it is my decision on how I react to the situation at hand. I have a job. I have my two dogs. I have my health. I have the knowledge on how to survive this kind of life. I have some freedoms and a few civil liberties. With my bloodline this is more than they ever wanted or expected me to have. I have made it farther than anyone would have guessed. My Mom always knew this day was coming. She always was big on me not being so into revenge and hating my Dad for how he treated me. Honestly, it is so hurtful to be born to such hateful people. My whole life I have just wished and dreamed of a family that could love. If you have that be grateful. In this society, experiencing real love is priceless and changes people.

I never planned on coming out of my shell. I was happy enough being an angry person who focused on money and my freedom. However, when I got my first rescue dog in 2014 my world changed beyond anything I could have ever imagined. Love changes everything and I had never experienced real love before. Sure my family is covertly super nice and supportive, but it does not feel like anything. I mean don’t get me wrong this is way better than when they were physically, emotionally, or mentally abusive overtly, but it is still not healthy or right. But once again I can only control the way I react. I cannot change others or how they choose to react to the things in theirs lives.

I can only control me. It took me a couple years of wandering the desert to really get this one. To truly understand the dynamics of people I think you need to be away from people and just be with yourself for a long periods of time. At least that is what brought clarity for me. We are all different. But I can acknowledge you have to get far away from the crazy before you can shed the crazy in yourself.

We all are just out here doing what we feel we got to do! However, love changes Everything.

Love Always

Nicole D. Graves

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