I just watched almost 2.5 hours of eating videos on YouTube. You can learn a lot about the destruction of the world via food by watching them. Warning they do spike your insulin so don’t do it daily or often. Red food is an act of destruction. Tomatoes, red pepper, and red spicy food are nightshade. Literally plants that are poisonous. All the sauces that they smoother everything with, they feed c diff. Seafood has so much mercury and who know what else it can lead to heavy metal toxicity. I could go on and on. Basically if they make a Mukbang with it, you probably shouldn’t eat it. Or at least modify it to be healthier if you do.
Today was a boring day. Did another Truman show interview. And the temp agencies I applied with seem to be having problems getting back to me in a timely fashion. It is what it is. I will find something eventually.
Today is day 10 of fasting, they are poisoning me extra for fasting. But if I eat they won’t stop. So it makes sense to just keep going. Dopamine is produced in the greatest amounts by looking forward to something. You dont actually have to do the thing you just have to look forward to it. Actually doing the thing provides a small amount of dopamine compared to looking forward to something. So I’m just going to keep looking forward to eating. It spikes my insulin, but it’s way healthier and more satisfying than eating. I dreamed of food my whole life pretty much. It’s way better in my mind than in reality. Dreaming of food got me through fasting in southern California earlier this year. And I want to get that small again. It’s the best thing for my organs especially my heart.
Today I rambled a bit while walking. I got my 40 minutes in. Sounds not like a lot, but you give up food for 10 days and try exercising. It’s hard. My question I can up with today is: How are the people in the war games kept in line? What motivates them to stay within the boundaries of their birthrights? What stops Joe Smo with small birthrights from acting like president of the war games and overstepping his limitations and boundaries? There has to be some sort of fear associated with knowing your place. Otherwise everyone would cross boundaries and it would be mayhem. Why hasn’t my Dad been punished for overstepping his birthrights? I understand we are from a super fancy family, but there still are rules. Why dont the rules apply to him? And if they dont apply to him, does that mean the rules dont apply to me or my brother either? I know the rules apply to my brother. He has to listen to the farmers. He was raised as a Kudearoff. However I was raised as a Graves and a white woman. I have fancy birthrights from the Graves side. I have All the fancy birthrights from them. What are the rules and limitations that apply to me?
Where are the other people like me with fancy birthrights and South American heritage? There has to be someone else like me. How have they stayed alive? How have they evaded the murder attempts of their family? South Americans are the most vicious. I suppose I should clarify and say Argentinians. Where are the others like me?
Is that why my Dad was able to get away with murder? We are the only ones with fancy birthrights like ours? And you all didn’t even know about the hilter side of our family. God I hate being fancy. I just want to be ordinary so badly. I know it will never happen but God if I had a wish that’s what it would be.
What about the Argentinians in the rest of the United states? Haven’t any of them breed together and created fancy kids like me? I just need to know someone like me. If I can find someone half as fancy as me with Argentinian heritage we can team up and literally take over the world. I’m not really the bossy type, but I just want a job and to explore my potential and hang out with Haywood. Maybe even eat some food and sleep in a bed with sheets and pillows. And take a bath with Epsom salts and coconut oil. I just want to be ordinary. If someone will help me be ordinary I will literally hand them the world. Do you hear that east coast and souther Argentinians? Help me and I can gift you the world in exchange for letting me be ordinary. Granted I will have children to ensure that the world stays safe after I’m gone. But I just want to be ordinary and be a mom to my dog and my human children. That’s it. That’s all I want. But yet I understand that’s asking the world.
Today, I made progress again with the professional cult. When I spell out the facts about cults and cult leaders, it’s hard to deny what’s happening. It’s still sinking in for me that my Dads a cult leader. My grandma Kudearoff was a cult leader. I’m pretty sure she was super fancy in the Russian Mafia. So many things add up now.
When I wrote my post earlier today the parking lot at Pet Smart cleared out around me. The people heard me. I dont kniw how much longer I have to do this for people to understand what is going on. I suppose I still dont understand what is going on. I dont understand why people join a cult other than vulnerability. Its frustrating and I’m trying to understand.
So yeah my Dads a heartless cult leader aka a psychopath. Psychopath Free by Jackson McKenzie is a great book. I recommend it to everyone. It freed me in about 2018 in Vegas.
Where do I go from here? I suppose I keep fasting and looking for a job. Not many other options. My love handles have gotten really small for me. I still have love handles, but maybe 5ish more days and they should go away. My legs are smaller than they have been in years. I still have loose skin on my legs because there are a lot of lymph nodes near where your thighs connect to your core. So this is where I swell a lot and quickly. My fingers are smaller my rings fit so much better. My hands almost look like my hands again, just like my face. I missed me. I loose myself a lot to the poisons my family uses to destroy me. This has been happening my whole life. From 8 to 18, I lost myself. Not until I lost weight did I start to find myself again. I am so valuable. I’m worth fighting for. I will always fight for myself. Sure I get lost in the sauce and the poisons but somehow I always find my way back to me. I love me. That’s why my family tries to steal me from me. They dont live themselves. And they have always hated me for loving me.
The most revolutionary thing you can do is love yourself in a world that is set up to steal you from you.
Nicole D Graves