Tuesday September 6th 2022 Moon in Capricorn Sun in Virgo What Do You All Know
Today, I did the overt world and interpersonal communication. It’s so overrated. But I did it. I had an onboarding experience at a temp agency and tomorrow I interview with the client. If everything goes well I start the next day, which would be Thursday. I’m not sure I understand the covert rules that apply to the overt world so I’m not getting my hopes up. But I do have some clean clothes to wear to work if it does pan out. I dont even know what time the interview is besides between 130pm and 3pm near gateway. People like to keep me on a need to know basis in an effort to spike my cortisol. The key to not allowing this to work is non attachment which is difficult and not always possible.
I saw Amber today and made sure Haywood has somewhere to go while I work. He got moved to the attic but it should be quieter for him there. Amber gave me a hard time about Haywoods health and tried to shame me about his lupus. But he has lost weight and is so much happier and healthier than last time she saw him. And I have taken him to the vet, but unless they can change the ph of the water we get there is not much they can do. Sure, I will take him to get his teeth taken care of after we get an apartment and I save a couple thousand dollars to do so.
Then she tried to do the whole what are you going to do with your life thing. I told her I’m happy and healthy and that’s a lot more than I have had most of my life. But I do intend to get a job and get an apartment.
Then she tried to tell me fasting Haywood was dumb and animals dont fast. And that fasting doesn’t heal or fix anything.
Boy when I write it down, it was a lot more efforts to try to brainwash me than I originally thought.
My whole life I have tried so hard to have a plan and create forward movement in my life. In Vegas I gave up and just sat there and played dead. I didn’t even journal or work. I just smoked pot and shopped and did self care stuff. It looked like I was doing nothing, but I was figuring out my body and how to care for myself.
Now I have given up again a bit in the overt world. I’m not going to spin my wheels and stress myself out trying to get ahead in the overt world. I still try more than I should, but I’m not going to try to manifest everything I deserve in this moment because it would be insane to try. I literally am just trying to get a job and not a job that is complete destruction. I may look like I’m doing nothing, but really I’m always doing puzzles in my mind. I am still figuring out my body, the world, and war games. And for now that’s okay. This is enough for me in this moment because this moment is not forever. Eventually my parents will die. They have destroyed themselves for a lifetime. Their death is even something the covert war cannot save them from. It may be many years, but they will die. And per war games rules you cannot have a child with birthrights like mine and not leave them something. My mom would already be dead if this was possible. They were killing her last year when I made my run for it.
Throughout the past 5 years I have taught myself how to survive with as little as possible. I dont need much, but I do need a job. Haywood and I can survive in a small apartment or studio and payoff mu credit card debt in about a year or 18 months. Sure everyone will poison me and try to complicate my life, but they have done that for a lifetime. The more I keep to myself the more people do not have a chance to complicate my life. I can spend the next couple years reading books from the library and putting puzzles together. The library only costs $120/year and it’s free if I find a home in city limits. I have excellent rental history and I have written all down. I understand how to deal with all the poisons now too. I dont need anything hugely amazing to happen I just have to survive. However, I have spent most of my life surviving alone. So this is no different. The only difference now is I understand what is happening.
I dont personally need to have children. I kind of want children but I think it’s most because I crave oxytocin. Which I can get in other ways. However, you all need me to have children. I dont know how you all are going to help me do this. But I’m 41 and the more poison I endure the more damage to my reproductive organs. So if you all want me to do right by you all, you all got to help me. And I’m going to need amazing things to happen in my overt world in order to create the security I need in order to reproduce. Just like how I have told you all that you are just like me. It’s TRUE. What you all do will dictate what I am able to do for you all. I’m not looking for privilege. But I’m also a realist and I know my little dog was kidnapped. You all know everyone will try to kidnap kill and brain wash my children. And you all know I need more than 1 in order for us to really be safe. And I cant leave them with a babysitter and go to work. They probably should not go to public school. Probably not even private school. Being a mom will end up being my full time job and then some raising the future leaders of the war games is not the trivial experience my family makes it out to be. They used to take great efforts on me until I revolted and said something about the sexual abuse at age 4. However, they never cared for anyone well after that moment because they were all dying inside and their health was failing and they all took that out on their children. I refuse to be like that. I will love my children, protect them, and educate them as much as possible about everything I can.
However I am not going to be able to do this without you all. I can learn to be happy just talking with you all about how to overcome the destruction in your covert daily life. But until I have children you will never get to escape the destruction. Right now, we can overcome. But my birthrights give us a way out of the destruction. We dont have to live like this. Now we all know this is a choice. We choose to live like this when we fear my Dad and allow him to bully us. Living in fear means we submit to the destruction and accept it with learned helplessness.
Think back to last year, did you ever think the farmers, the Koreans, and the middle men would be working together on anything? We have done the impossible. We must continue to do the impossible. I really dont have too many steaks in this game. It’s just me and my Haywood. If he lives to be old that’s still only 10years or maybe 14 if I’m super lucky. But after Haywood dies there is no one I care about enough to need to change the world for. However you all have families. Not only children but grandchildren. The war games and birthrights will continue to make you all breed. You will always have people to love and care about. The future of the world matters for you. I don’t love anyone human enough to change the world for, but I do love humanity and I do believe in doing the right thing. So you all luck out.
Koreans you all have the most people with the fancy brains. The middle men have a lot of fancy brains too. I suppose all the war games have fancy brains. I cant tell you all how to help me. I need you all to figure it out together. I need you all to work together so I can help all of you. I dont know all the rules or all of anything when it comes to the war games and my Dads cult. But there literally are a whole world of you all and just one of me. You all have the answers. You just have to come together and figure out what to do and how to do it. Its literally a world against a cult that threatens us all. All the powerful leaders of all groups agree they would like to overcome my Dads cult. Well, my Dad pretends to be a God but he is human and not immortal. He will die. Sure some people may follow my brother but not many. My brother does not have the salesmanship that my Dad and I have. My brother is an overt leader who believes in destruction. He will destroy the people who follow him even more than my Dad does. So the threat of my Dads power dies with him. It may take some years to fully sizzle out, but it will because people dont enjoy destruction when they overtly understand what is happening to them for very long.
So we must prepare for the changing of the guard and the death of my mom and dad. The farmers can control the kudearoffs and my brother more than they can my Dad. The Koreans can also help with controlling them. And the middle men can help by no longer carrying out their orders. It’s a simple equation that will just take some time and patience because we have already started the process.
However, they will continue to try to kill me because my birthrights come without checks and balances. They will forever act like repo men trying to repossess what they gave me. Myself having children and knowing people I can trust these children with if something happens to me is the only way for us all to escape the destruction. It’s the only way for our grandchildren to escape the destruction. It sucks that this is the only option. But we need to be grateful this option exists and my reproductive organs are in tact. In Vegas they covertly tried to get me to have them removed. So we are blessed I believe in healing and health on so many levels.
So I address the world and everyone in it, when I say you need to figure this out for you. All ideas need to be sent to the people in places of power. Allow those ideas to make their way to the leaders. This is a worldwide brainstorming session. We don’t have the answers so we need to create and find them. This is what I have done for over 500 days. Figure out the rules, find the leaders, share my ideas… now I need you all to do this because I dont know all the rules and I probably never will until someone explains them to me. However you all were raised to follow the rules.
And the leaders were born to make decisions for us. We can count on them to make the best decisions because their families places of power depend on them making good decisions in this moment. If my Dad and brother are able to hijack the war games power dynamics we all will forever be held hostage just like I have been my whole life.
My children are the only thing that can save you all from living a life like I have lived. You all have to save yourselves. I cant d o it alone. I have never been able to do this on my own. You all have helped me through every step of the way. Well finally we have the world tuned in and we see we all are on the same side. Now we work together to move mountains. I’m just a representation of the war games. I have never invested in them before 500 days ago. However most of you all have lived and breathed the war games your whole lives. And my Dad seeks to threaten what you have lived by and make it obsolete. This your chance to fight for what you value. This is your only shot to stand up for what you believe in.
Dont let me down because it will be letting yourselves down.
Nicole D Graves