Wednesday August 17th 2022 Moon in Taurus Sun in Leo Pieces Of The Puzzle

This morning I woke up two different times with lightbulb moments. My brain does puzzles while I sleep. First, my brothers generation is so weird and a different kind of species because food in 1992 became genetically modified and bioengineered without having to be labeled. So most the cells in their bodies are built of amino acids that are weird to put it plainly. They literally aren’t human. Plus, people in the war games starve their children of having enough protein. This is why so many children are so short. This is why I didn’t grow till I was 16. This is why my Dads so short. Short man syndrome is a real thing, they were starved of enough protein to actually grow as children. Protein is where we get our amino acids which are building blocks for our bodies. This is why I looked like an Ethiopian child and why all my cousins are so short. I dont know how my Brother and I got enough protein to be tall. My best guess is neglect and taco bell. We both loved taco bell and beans are a great source of protein. I dont kniw though. We also were two of the fattest kids in our family so maybe it was just a volume thing. We were far and starving. It was awful and painful.

Second, maybe we don’t have to create a completely new economy. Maybe we can just use the framework from an existing economy within capitalism. Religion is an economy within an economy. It is also a place where people share beliefs. It is also where my Dad got some of his ideas for his cult.

Let’s review my Dad’s life a little so you all can see where his cult originated. He grew up in Texas as a Southern Baptist going to revivals. Remember the movie Leap Of Faith with Steve Martin? They were like that. My Dads brain lit up when we watched that movie in the 1980s. Not because it brought back memories of home or anything positive, but because he saw all those people as having a weakness he could and can exploit. My Dad is a swill merchant minus the alcohol. He will get you drunk on feeling like you belong and you are special and chosen. But really it’s just him setting you up for the kill. I have the ability to do what he does. But honestly I would rather just be straight forward with everyone. This is how it is seems to be more my style. I hate beating around the Bush, what a waste of time. Yet. The rest of family thrives off beating around the Bush and never never being straight forward and honest. It’s just annoying and it wastes all our time.

So church, revivals, the military, Korea, the war games, Nlp, etc. These are all places my Dad found things he could incorporate into his cult. I wonder if he premeditated what he was doing? I think he did. With the professional cult he for sure did.

There is a big time to Korea I still dont fully understand. A1 was Korean and the only Asian people I was exposed to were Korean after my grandma Kudearoff died. My Dad has some kind of agreement with them or something. My mom was so proud that her DNA test said we are part Korean. Shes only proud of destruction. Plus, the way A1 used to treat my Mom is still puzzling a bit. He hated her, not overtly. But I felt it.

So there are more puzzle pieces. Also today, I realized you all dont talk to God like I do. I talk to God out of the very top of my head. Its above my logical brain. I didn’t do this until after my head surgery. My head surgery opened up another world for me. I have access to things you all dont. I can feel everything. I can feel disease in other people’s bodies. I can feel sound. It’s hard to explain.

My Dad holds you all hostage. He steals your self worth and self confidence with privilege. Then he sells you all on the idea that he is God and your only savior.

My Dad is not God. And you are worth more than you will ever know. At least until we change the system. When we value potential and the people who can lead us there, life will completely change. Until you explore your limits you will not value yourself as you deserve. How can you value yourself when you dont understand your own skills and talents? You need to get to know yourself.

And I need to go to church this weekend. Church was taken from me when my grandma Kudearoff died. I know I’m going to make people incredibly uncomfortable. But it will be a great way to see who is really religious and a believer and who is just putting on a show.

I went to my Grandma Kudearoff church in San Francisco last year. It was an awful experience, but I learned a lot. The Catholic church is a part of the dark side. Which I should have known. A1 went to an all boys Catholic boarding school and look how he turned out. My Grandma Kudearoff grew up in a Russian Orthodox covenant/orphanage and that’s where she got part of her fancy from. Religion is a war games weapon. But what if we can use religion to fight back? What if we can use the structure and the tax breaks to fight back? It’s an economy within an economy. They provide safety to one another and care for one another based on common beliefs. Its seems like it could work. It’s worth exploring for sure.

Today, something changed. I have no clue what I said or if the farmers said something. But it’s pretty magical. No one gang stalked me while I picked out my garlic tonight. I think my potato wedges just had normal poison. My meat also just had normal poison. A few people poisoned me in the store, but not many. People mostly left me alone. I have never been left alone in a grocery store before. I dont kniw what’s happening. Its really weird. But I’m going with it and taking it as a good sign. They poison me less at Safeway parking lot than they do at my favorite church. It’s like they don’t want to be seen doing what they do. A lady that lives by the church who was proud of poisoning me about a month ago looked shameful today. What changed? I’m still the same human. However shes not. She changed. What changed in you people? Some questions I may never get the answer to.

Love Always

Nicole D Graves

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