Did you see the sunset tonight? It was beautiful. That means there was more pollution than normal. I’m high as hell, how about you all? I’m so tired of the poisons that spike my insulin. I’m so scared that when I start eating again I won’t be able to stop. I told myself today on Friday I can binge and have whatever I want within reason. No more sugar and I gotta try to stay away from dairy and gluten more. I have been dreaming about food all day, which spikes my insulin. But whatever I still didn’t eat. Friday will be day 11. There is a study that kidney function is improved by a 11 day fast. I know all fasting improves kidney function, but I just want to push myself. I haven’t lost as many inches as I thought around my middle but my chest has gotten a ton smaller. I’m all for it! Progress is progress.
Today I worked on getting a job I had another interview by phone and went in and did some tests. Fingers crossed I did well enough to get a job. Being around cult members is weird. Because now I see who they really are.
So what’s happening in the world out there. The world has been so very quiet. Dont get me wrong I like it, because quiet equals change. But it kind of makes me nervous. Me and Hay we took a nap this evening it was really nice besides the damn flies. If it’s not fleas its flies. I tried to get my 30 minutes of walking in but I just can’t tonight I’m tired and the poison are messing with my gut bacteria. I almost puked when I ate some raw garlic. I had to sit down. It was intense. Garlic helps kidneys, I know I’m fasting but I still eat my garlic.
So what’s happening out there. Today at Alton Baker there were a ton of new recruits. What an interesting bunch. Anyone who has a big truck is all of a sudden fancy. They always knew they were fancy but now they have proof. However that’s not how fancy works, but I get it. I have been confused like that before too.
When I get a job, they are just going to use it as an opportunity to poison me more. Because I will be a sitting duck for 40 hours a week. That scares me. It’s bad enough now. It was real bad at B and R Autowrecking. I can’t look forward to that. I dont kniw what I need to do to prove my worth to people who cannot even see their own worth. It’s a frustrating place to be. What am I supposed to do? How do I show them we all are more valuable than we have ever been allowed to see? That how question always gets me.
I dont kniw what to say to the new recruits. A lot of them dont seem to have much to loose. While I know I have everything to loose. Can you all let them know I represent hope and so much more for the future than privilege that is really just a means to enslave people. It’s not privilege, its chains that forever control you. I have tried so hard to explain it over and over, but people just dont understand. Privilege is a prison because privilege can be taken away just as quickly as it was handed out.
I appreciate you all. Thank you for being you. I gotta rest. I’m tired. You all get some rest too.
Nicole D Graves