Wednesday September 7th 2022 1222am moon in capricorn Sun in virgo

Wednesday September 7th 2022 12:22am Moon in Capricorn Sun in Virgo Interpersonal Communication

Today, I talked to Amber. This means my emotions were used as a weapon against me as well as my humanity and my heart. However, I rarely take part in communication let alone interpersonal communication. Sure, I dream of having things go back to the way they were before my Grandma Kudearoff died. But I’m smart enough to know that will never happen. My family will never be my family. I will never get my cousin Jessica back. She died when I was 8 right along with my Grandma Kudearoff. My Brother will always view me as the enemy because I have the birthrights he has been promised. My family will forever try to kill me. You all are closer to my family than my family will ever be. And I’m okay with that. Sure, I still mourn all that has been taken from me. But that’s just because I spent most of my life not understanding what was happening. Its been super confusing.

However, today Amber and interpersonal communication with her made the pieces fall into place. And not just the pieces on how they have manipulated me for a lifetime with their feelings because they are addicted to them. But I saw how I fit into the war games on a worldwide level and just how entrenched I am in each of your families. Let me explain:

Today, Amber said all she cared about was Olivia her granddaughter. This is the child that inherits her birthrights. Per war games and rules of narcissism, this child is an extension of her. People with cluster b personality disorders cannot differentiate between them and others. Most people in the war games for a lifetime from families who heavily invest in them have cluster b personality disorders because of the toxins and parasites and poor kidney heart and liver functions not to mention the killer c diff infections. This is why my Grandma Kudearoff was somewhat good to me. I was supposed to be her in the war games. I was an extension of herself. This is why she treated me well and Jessica too. We were her legacy. She may have been a narcissist with a killer c diff infection and failing health but we were her legacy. She took care of us as well as she could because we represented the fruits of her labor for lifetime. She had 10 kids so it was a lot of labors. Bad joke but it was funny no? Lol

The fact that my Dad has hijacked the war games, but I am willing to fight for order and the way things have been intended to be means I have become an extension of everyone who has a legacy they wish to preserve in the war games. I have become a part of all the powerful people in every group of the war games. Without me everything they have worked for their whole lives is endangered. Without me there will be no fruits to their labors. It all will have been for nothing.

My Grandma Kudearoff was raised in an orphanage in Russia or China. I forget which one, but she spoke Russian and was born in China. Anyways, she moved mountains to end up in Springfield Oregon with her 8 living children and husband. If someone would have threatened to take away everything she worked for, I would have feared for their life in the overt world. If there was any way to eliminate this said threat, she would have found it. Because her legacy and life’s work depended on her finding it.

Tonight I realized I am in each one of your families. I am in the farmers families, the Koreans families, and all the middle men families because without me you all will be robbed of everything your families have worked for for generations. I say this because I talk to you all like you are my family. I have treated you all like the family I have always wanted and with love. However, I never understood just how much you all really are my family. I am member of each and everyone of your families by default just by birthrights. I am an extension of you all. Without me your legacies will die. I never understood why you all have protected me so much until tonight. You all protect me because it’s a form of self preservation. I can completely get on board with this. Because if it had not been for my Grandma Kudearoff valuing self preservation I would have never known love. I wouldn’t have humanity if people could not be counted on to take part in self preservation. Others being selfish and valuing self preservation above all else has always been my saving grace. When I started blogging people left me alone because of self preservation. I had no clue what I was doing a decade ago. I was just documenting my life. And it saved me.

Here I am unable to do much for myself, but today I realized just how much the world and every fancy family and person with a birthright and/or a fancy brain is invested not only in my survival but in my ability to thrive and overcome the obstacles and destruction. My success leads to you all retaining what you have worked for your whole life. What your families have worked for for generations.

This is why you all are so kind to me when you can be. I still dont understand the war games or my birthrights fully. And I still dont see myself as fancy. But I understand being an extension of someone because of my grandma Kudearoff. She treated me the best anyone has ever treated me and most people feared her. I suppose this why the farmers and koreans dont scare me. Scary people always protect me. They are the ones who are the best towards me. It always has been like this. Only people who dont have powerful birthrights have destroyed me looking for more power for themselves.

Today, I realized how safe I am because you all will keep me safe. Sure, I have to stay alive and endure the destruction for a bit longer. But eventually you all will get to me and you all will have no problem helping me get a little revenge on the people who have tried to destroy me for privilege because they were trying to destroy you too. I’m not big on revenge, but I like to keep the option open cause I’m human and I think about it. But I’m more excited that I have a huge family. You all are my family and that makes me feel not so alone in all of this. I need that to survive. So I’m going to bask in just how much family I finally have while you all figure out how to get us all out of this situation and restore the checks and balances and places of power we all agree need to exist. Logical order is something we all agree on, because we need logical order to reach our potential as a collective.

Thank you all for being my family. I have waited a lifetime to find you all.

Love Always

Nicole D Graves

%d bloggers like this: