You Are The Change

Well, I figured out why I have been emotional. It is the poison they have put in my ground beef today and the prior two times I ate. It is the same poison they used when I was in Santa Fe over the summer. Well, they have used this poison my whole life, I just never understood what was happening till this year. A1 used to use this in my chia tea mix. This poison in the meats coats my mouth, makes me hot and flashy in about two hours, makes my female organs leak, and makes me sad and feel hopeless.Basically it throws off my entire limbic system. And they wonder why I am just not that found of eating. So, it hasn’t been my infection in my jaw/head that is making me sad and emotional, it’s the food even though I just eat raw meat. They are just trying to break me, they have always been trying to break me. My whole life I have been their toy for destruction. What are they going to do when I am gone? Who will they destroy then? They will destroy you all. Can you imagine how much of my Brother’s time I take up? He watches me 24 hours a day looking for any opportunity to destroy me. When I am gone you all are next. I hope you have taken notes on how I have survived because you will need them. I am emotional right now, so that was a bit mean, but it is the truth.

The lady behind me in line at Walmart was part South American. She had to be over 3 or 4 hundred pounds. I looked at her with sadness because I could see what the systems have done to her. She didn’t expect that. She expected me to look at her with anger and hate, but I saw her pain. I saw how she was just grasping for anything to win favor and earn privilege of any kind. She was just as destroyed as me and she had even followed the rules. You give up your life to a system that wishes you to conform to destruction, even your own destruction and there is no real reward. Because the whole system is destruction. There is no privilege in a system that is all about destruction. Only more destruction awaits you when you partake in the old systems. When you destroy, you get destroyed, and then the systems destroy you more.

I saw white people today. I did not think there were white people in Southern California. The white people are finally doing their own dirty work. Of course, there are their morally flexible ethnic friends still mixed in, but good for them to do their own dirty work. Good for you all to stop doing their bidding that just aims to destroy you more. The white people took over the duties at Planet Fitness and In and Out Burger, but here I sit at Walmart in National City. This is where I saw slavs for the first time. This is also where I see people so proud to be trying to earn privilege today. After a lifetime of being destroyed they are so pleased with themselves to get to partake in the destruction themselves. And they are bad at creating my Truman Show even though they have probably lived in their own version of Truman show their whole lives. I am sure they grew up believing that if you were good enough you could earn the privilege of not being destroyed by the systems. Is that what people think? Is this the cheese they motivate people with? Be good and earn privilege it will save you. That makes sense. Because people sure have a hard time understanding privilege is just another tool of destruction. But you all have been programmed to believe differently and it is hard to change your programming. This is one thing I completely understand. Programming is hard to change, but the thing is your life depends on it. Not just metaphorically, but literally. Your life depends on your ability to think for yourself and create new belief systems. Beliefs that will help get you somewhere in life not destroy you.

I do not know what will be enough, but this is not enough. The white people/Aryans who profit off of the war games will most likely never give up fighting for their privilege because that is all they know. Those white people do not know love and it reflects in their epigenetics. They are the empoverished(sp?). They think they are privileged, but they are the worst off out of all of us. Sure they look better on the outside most of the time, but on the inside they are living in a hell I would not want to trade anything for. I know because my family wanted me to live in this hell. This is the hell I lived in when I lived with A1. Everything looked good on the outside and I had Everything I wanted, but I was dying literally and figuratively. I was dying and dying painfully. The Aryans who profit off the war games are dying painfully, but they see their privilege as worth dying for. How many of you all want to give up love in order to live a life that looks better but feels a million times worse? The pain is unspeakable, because you cannot speak about it because that would ruin the ideal picture you work so hard to create. Love moves mountains, love changes everything, including your epigenetics. I ran away to Arizona to live in a one bedroom apartment by myself and live in poverty because it was better than living in a gated community in a house with a pool and all the nice things. Those things meant nothing when I was faced with death. Those nice things made up my prison. The war games do not grant you privilege because you will be able to do a couple bad things here and there and live a good life. The war games grant you privilege so you become a prisoner and will do whatever they want you to in order to keep your ideal picture of a life. It’s all a lie. Everything is a lie.

Until you all realize that privilege is killing you and destroying me, we are not going to get anywhere. I love you all because I watch out for my side of the street, but you all have to love yourselves enough to know you deserve better. You deserve better than being lied to and being lead to a hampster wheel of destruction. Privilege is a hampster wheel of destruction. You never get anywhere, but you feel like you are going places the whole time.

To my revolutionary people, I really appreciate and love you. Thank you for taking my words to heart and really running with them. I will always want the best for you all and I expect you all to do for yourselves in every way possible. I may not be able to do for myself, but I can give you the tools to do for yourselves and I want you to use them. This covert war does not stand a chance if you do for yourself the things I have learned. Even with my crippling birthright I have effected the old systems. You can do the same by taking care of yourself and holding tight to your beliefs about what you deserve. Never allow anyone to take you foregranted. Never allow privilege to blind you to the destruction it truly is. Never accept destruction as a way of life. Be you and discover your predestined greatness everyday in any and every way you can. You are greatness. We all are greatness, just in many different ways. We are snowflakes meant to come together and form a blizzard of change in this world. It is your destiny. It is all our destinies. We are predestined to change the world and old systems. That change begins with you each and everyday. You are the change. You are the revolution. You are the answer. Help everyone else see that they are the answer too. Some people take longer to find themselves than others. Look at me I spent my whole life looking for myself and still till this day I am learning new things about myself. Never stop learning about yourself. Never stop trying to help others learn. Never stop, just keep going.

Love Always

Nicole Graves

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