Today, I saw why my family cult keeps me hidden as much as possible. I met a man at work who’s energy said so much more than his polite words. White men have an interesting dynamic to their energy when they see/experience me. Their cortisol spikes and their body goes into fight or flight when they are familiar with the cult, war games, and what I represent. This is how I have learned who I am mostly is by studying the reaction people’s bodies have to me.
The man I met today had the same guilt and cortisol response as the white police officer that approached me when in Santa Fe about parking in a residential area overnight. The ethnic police officer who did most of the talking that day in May, Julian Martinez, was lacking in both of these responses. Julian had no guilt, but rather felt entitled to his position of authority. He even went as far as to covertly imply that there was nothing I could prove about my family cult. His reaction to me screamed, “if I could not overcome the rules what makes you think you are better than me.” He deemed what he was doing as the right thing because he gave up fighting for what is right so long ago, probably in childhood even before he dreamed of being involved in law enforcement. Ethnic people break in childhood normally, because there is no other option offered.
Isn’t it funny that people have judged me as inhumane for having abortions to avoid my children having to experience the pain I have endured. But the same people who pass this judgement are the people who covertly attempt the murder of their children on a daily basis. So it is okay to covertly kill your children, but heaven forbid you stop any possibility of them suffering for a lifetime? If you do not wish to willingly give your offspring a better life than your own, you are merely using them as a pawn for personal gain.
Today at work I was reminded no one knows me. They think they have a lot of information about me, but whoever is giving them the cliff notes is not an informed consumer. Emotional intelligence is key when dealing with people, but especially with dynamic people.
Stay Mysterious! Xoxo
P.S. Today, cemented that there are a group of white men/families that boss my family cult. This explains why there are so many white people who are so very invested in the war games and creating evil, but they have not experienced much evil themselves. Only the weakest of those who have experienced great evil actually turn evil, the strong question everything and let logic lead them to the light.