It has been a long time since I really checked in. Currently, I am homeless on the street in Eugene, Oregon and this has been the first time I had the chance to use a computer in a couple months. This domain hosting expires the end of the month. I do not think I will renew it, but I will hold onto the actual domain itself.
I am not sure what will happen to me. I am currently in Eugene Oregon and so the weather is survivable and nice. When fall and winter come it will be more of a challenge and I may have to enter into a homeless shelter. Which as those of you who have been tuned in for years can guess will be a death sentence. People are the largest weapon my family uses against all of us, besides epigenetics.
I have no clue how to win this war and revolution. I do know however that my survival means a lot to a lot of people and the world. Which is weird to me personally because I am constantly surrounded by a Truman show my family creates to kill me and keep me small. This has been going on my whole life, but especially on this revolution. Which started March 30, 2021.
There really is no way to explain the revolution to the people newly tuned in. You all who are newly tuned in have Mothers and Fathers from the northeast groups that my family controls. So you all have lived in your own Truman show of limited information that does not allow you to be up to speed on what is actually happening in the world or within the war games. In a way you all have lived more like me than any other group. Which is funny because you are often told you are special or priviledged. At least I think this is what keeps you in line and not seeking more answers and truth. I could be entirely wrong.
To all the farmers and world leaders who have been helping me, I want to say thank you. I am trying my hardest. But I am not sure if reaching all the people will be as revolutionary as I/we had hoped. The people remaining are not people who have had much contact with my family at all. And they are definately big on the kitchen cleaners. The guy across the alley from the house I have been sleeping by may have lost his wife because he did so much kitchen cleaner and caused a fight. It is weird to watch people metaphorically die. I have been watching this happen my whole life. And it never gets less sad. I do admit it feels like what he deserves at this point. But who deserves to have their life destroyed over one big mistake? I guess a lot of people have experienced this.
On a personal level, I cannot explain what this feels like. I never imagined I would be homeless. Let alone homeless on the street. For over 4 years, I was homeless in my Jeep. And in a lot of ways that was actually worse. It is weird I feel more free than ever before in a lot of ways. I look awful. When my family first got me to leave my Jeep behind, they made me do a 30 day fast. I got to eat about 5 times in that stretch but no complete amino acids and tons of kitchen cleaners. My organs are still healing and I look bad to say the least. By the end of that 30 days I looked like a herion addict. I hate drugs so that was weird.
It has been about 30 days since the end of the 30 fast/starvation. And I feel better. It is hard to explain what it is like to be me to new people. But it is even hard to explain to the people who have spent years getting to know me. I am grateful to all the people who have taken the time to listen and get to know me. And especially grateful to those of you who listen to me geek out about science and the destruction. I try to make things simple so everyone can understand. But I realize that it is a complex spider web of destruction my family has waged on the world for generations. So just take in what you can. I am sure at times I expect too much from you all in regard to understanding. And I apologize for this. But having lived the destruction my whole life it is really hard to imagine that anyone would not be able to understand it. I know a lot of you all have not lived the destruction up close and personal and so it is different for you all.
I have no problem earning my own way. I never have been priviledged and have worked really hard for everything I have/had. It sounds outlandish, but all I need is for the world to stop destroying me and I would be able to earn my way. However, if you all want my help reversing the destruction I am going to need more help from you all than just fair treatment. So in many ways the ending of this revolution has way more to do with you all than with me. The first thing we all need is to reach the rest of the Northeast/Northeast groups. These are the groups where they have mothers and fathers from northeast groups that my family controls. Or at least controls their access to information. If we can get these people to stop fighting this war for my family we all have a better chance at survival.
I didn’t realize how dirty my hands were till I saw them typing on this computer. Being homeless is hard. But this is the first time in my life that I don’t have any bills. So it is nice in some weird ways too. I just wanted to check in. I do not know if I will renew the hosting on this domain in a few weeks, but I will continue to check in till it expires. I may renew if I feel it is helpful to my mental health and progress of the revolution. But I am not sure. I needed to check in with myself I suppose just as much as I needed to check in with you all.
Xoxo
Nicole Graves