Have you ever wondered what it is like to grow up a child of a hippie? Growing up and living in Eugene/Springfield I have seen countless children raised by hippies. Some look like they have lives that are better than children raised in families who follow social norms, but some do not.
The book Wild Child: Girlhoods in the Counterculture is a collections of essays by women who grew up in families who do not follow social norms. The definition of hippie is a member of the counterculture. But not all of these parents were the tie dye wearing, pot smoking hippies we often think of. Some just did not want to follow the traditional rules of society.
The book was published in 1999. So most of these women grew up in the 1960s & 1970s. Generally speaking, they all seemed to appreciate their childhood and the values they were raised with even though they were different than most. Not all of them grew up to embody those same values as an adult. And some just did not value them out in the open like their parents. You don’t have to share all your beliefs openly. It is okay to have more of a private life is what some of them learned from their childhoods.
But on the other hand, some rebelled more against the rules of society. I suppose children raised by hippies and members of the counterculture are no different than other children; some end up to be like their parents and others do not. We tend to either embrace the way we are raised or rebel against it and find a life that is more comfortable for us. And it was interesting how more than a couple said they wished for more structure and rules. Which just proves there is a middle ground for everything.
“Everything is dangerous, my father said. Trust no one. How then shall I trust you?”
My parents still try to get me to fear other people. They tell me everyday that you people will treat me worse than them. That you will hunt me, hurt me, and breed me like a farm animal. But my family are really the people who have done this to me. When people tell you to fear something they are projecting something onto you. They are trying to control you with fear.
I do not fear the world. And I hope you do not either. Because from my experience it is the people who say they love us or are supposed to love us are the ones we should really fear the most. They are the ones most likely to hurt us both on purpose and by accident. We don’t let other people very close to us. It is the people closest to you in the stupid imaginary game who are the most likely to hurt and kill you. Everyone has a price, right? If you keep people at arms distance and in a business relationship, then you know they have to maintain a certain degree of manners and humanity. When people are allowed close to you for emotional reasons they turn into heathens.
“But running only makes the past easier to find you. It is better to stay still and let history wash over you and cleanse the pain.”
I have ran my whole life. I have tried to escape my birthrights and my family my whole life. Yet, here we are. Stop running. It is okay to do some soul searching and seek answers. But stop running. You will never escape who you are. You have to face the situation you were born into head on. Even when it sucks. Even when you would rather do anything else in the world. Once it washes over you, it starts to not hurt so much. You learn to live in the pain and it stops hurting. You stop hurting. Your pain tolerance increases and you just keep going. When you run everything gets more painful. Stop running and start seeking and searching for how to endure the pain better.
“I did not know and I did not care, but I was told I should know, I should care. So I did.”
This was said in response to a father asking his daughter what he thought people would think of them after she had associated with a hippie family. This girl was from a traditional family and wrote about her interaction with a hippie family that made her long for more freedom and connection. Wasn’t it your parents that taught you to care about what people think of you? This is called extrinsic motivation. When you are ruled by extrinsic motivation you are taught to ignore intrinsic motivation. You are taught to live your life for other people, rather than yourself. How are your parents going to control you if you do not value extrinsic motivation over intrinsic motivation? Is the goal of parenting to control your children, or to raise them? Raising children is not about controlling them, it is about teaching them about intrinsic motivation and planting some seeds to teach them how to motivate themselves no matter of the outside circumstances. People who are ruled by what other people think of them are easy to control. And it is also a sign they are living out of their ego in survival mode, unable to access their critical logical mind fully.
“It comes down to this: During my three days here I have been called “sister” and greeted by strangers as if we were raised in the same tepee. But they are not my family. I think that the people who love the Gatherings, who live for them, are people who don’t fell that sort of adoration anywhere else.”
This essay was by a girl who was raised by hippies who went to a Rainbow Gathering as an adult. She only made it a 2 or 3 days, instead of the whole week. And it was in central Oregon, near Prineville and on public land.
Have you ever been to a festival of any sort? If you do not love your children, they will grow up to search for that love in all the wrong places? What is that country song?
“I was looking for Love in all the wrong places
Looking for love in too many faces” -Johnny Lee
I have never been to a Rainbow Gathering, but I have been to more than my fair share of festivals. I chose not to go to the Rainbow Gatherings because they are a mix of all those people who are looking for love in all the wrong places and they sure as hell do not know how to love back. They are very predatory. When people are not loved, they hunt others and prey on them. I would hope you would want more for your children. Or maybe that is the kind of adult you are trying to raise.
Overall, this book was great. It took a couple nights to read, but it was enlightening. I love reading the experiences of others. We all have experienced hard and painful things. But we all have an opportunity to learn from these experiences. And the goal is to hopefully become a better person not because of the pain you have had to endure, but in spite of it! Don’t let anything define you. But let everything make you better.