I love Virgo season. It is so no nonsense and practical. Plus, the weather is changing, but it is still warm enough to wear shorts. Even when it rains. God, I hate Oregon. It’s a visceral experience. I think that is what defines hate, you feel it in your bones.
Drake, “Tryna keep it peaceful is a struggle for me.” I relate to this line so much!! I was not raised for peace. I was raised in war and to create more of it. There is always a war on my insides that I am constantly taming. No one else in my family has learned how to tame the war inside. Some days I wonder if anyone else in the world has really learned how to tame the war inside? I am uncertain. But I lean more towards more people not knowing how to tame it than do. I have never met anyone who can, but I have only met mentally ill people from my family’s cult.
I am high as a kite and I am listening to music and I want to dance so bad. Rhythmic movement is good for the soul. Free form dancing is the highest form of meditation. And rhythmic movement is basically free form dancing. Have you ever been to the library when everything was glowing like you are at a Grateful Dead concert? I am guessing this is probably why you all don’t like the library as much as I do. Books and all the E poisons you can breathe. I am so tired of being high. One day you all have to stop poisoning me. I am great at making the most of it but dear lord I am sure tired of it. “Tryna keep it peaceful is a struggle for me” Now do you understand why this line is something I feel in my soul?
Rihanna “Needed Me”
You needed me
Ooh, you needed me
To feel a little more, and give a little less
Know you hate to confess
But baby, ooh, you needed me
I love this song too. My whole life the people around me needed me, but I rarely needed them. So, they would try to create situations where I would be dependent on them. I don’t even like people. They aren’t nice to me. But I am “a prize to be won.” My Dad made me this prize. And my whole life people have tried to win me, because they needed me. Not because I needed them. They needed me. I am still waiting for someone I need. The farmers and the world leaders are the first people I ever have found who I need. It was magical. They were the first people I ever met who had something to give back to me. The royal families gave back too. But they watched me suffer my whole life and joined in whenever possible. Did you know that not only am I a prize to be won, but I am also the very first worldwide reality tv star? My Dad has been broadcasting my life to the world my whole life. Or at least since grade school. I am not sure when it started, but I assume it started with the chip in my head at age 8.
The people around me are poisoning me so much that I am having hot flashes.
Nicki Minaj “The Crying Game”
I could’ve given everything
Don’t wanna let the tears begin
We’re back to playing
The crying game
My whole life I have had everything to give. I literally have the keys to the world in so many different ways. Yet, no one wanted to see it. They did not want to see me. They wanted to see the person my Dad told the world I was. People have studied me like a science experiment my whole life. Yet, no one really gets me. I am an enigma. And I don’t even try to be. I just am human and logical. But everyone around me my whole life has been mentally ill and overly emotional. You know sociopaths and narcissists are addicted to their emotions, right? Look at this revolution, can you tell my Dad is addicted to his emotions? He thinks he is slick. But so does everyone else in my family. You know they did not even know I was genius. I have a chip in my head, but it only broadcasts the logical part of my brain. Which is only like 2.5% of my brain. Actually with me it is more like 3% because I have Asperger’s so I default to my logical brain naturally. They can hear 3% of my brain and they thought they had me figured out. You know they taught me to journal so they could understand my thoughts. When you normally think, you use all parts of your brain. So I have had to learn to use the different parts of my brain in order to learn how to broadcast. I can hide in my subconscious where no one can hear me. Everyone needs hiding places. It is weird that I even have to find places to hide and get away from the world in my brain. But I have to admit I prefer my subconscious. It is the genius. I probably should hang out in the genius part of my brain the most. It has the most ROI, return on investment.
The communication hubs, specifically Salem, were the first people to ever really listen to me. And they were the first people to realize I am smart. When I realized they were willing to listen to me. I started explaining everything I can. And I have not stopped. It is weird to be this smart and have the keys to life and not have anyone to share them with. Can you imagine having the secrets to life, but not having anyone willing to listen to you until you were 40 years old? It is weird. And it was weird.
Alessia Cara “Here”
But really I would rather be at home all by myself
Not in this room with people who don’t even care about my well being
Have you ever been surrounded by people and felt more alone than when you are actually by yourself? This is how my whole life has been. Whenever I am around people I feel more alone than when I am alone. I don’t really get lonely because I do not like people. I get poisoned and that feels not good. But I do not have emotions like everyone else. I do have Asperger’s genius, but also I do not poison myself or others. Emotions are created in your limbic system and this is a system effected directly by poisons. Poisons enter your limbic system creating hormones and these domino into emotions. If you remove the toxins you remove the emotions. Granted everyone around me poisons me. Most days I am at a Grateful Dead concert and everything is glowing. But somehow the poisons do not effect me the same as you all. It also has to do with me being logic brain based. Emotions need to be run through your critical logical mind and turned into feelings before you take them seriously. Emotions are not logical. But feelings are. Emotions can be created in you just by poisoning you. So say I want you to be stressed or annoyed, I would use a certain kind of poison on you and wah lah you would be stressed. Have you ever been in traffic and started to feel stressed more than normal during rush hour because of all the car exhaust poisons? You just can’t wait for the light to change to green even though you are not in a hurry to go anywhere. That is an emotion created in your limbic system with poison. And when you run that emotion through your critical logical mind and realize that you are not in a hurry and it is just the poisons from cars, this is when you get the feeling that you are fine you are just being poisoned. Emotions can be created in you. Feelings are harder to create. Emotions can be lies. Feelings are factual, because they are logical. I have a lot of feelings. I am not really big on emotions. They are messy and often lies. No use keeping them around. It is like letting other people litter in your soul and getting mad at the mess. Just pick up the mess and move on. And stay away from people who like to litter in your soul.
Drake “Headlines”
They know, they know, they know
Yeah, they know, yeah
That the real is on the rise
Fuck them other guys
I even gave ’em a chance to decide
Now it’s something they know
They know, they know, they know
Did you know I have a kill list? The world has signed up to kill me group by group for a lifetime. But especially over the past four and half years of this revolution. If I was like most of you all, this would make me war on the whole world and use all the wisdom, knowledge, and information I have to destroy you all beyond words or imagination. I decided early I did not want to do this. So I made a list of people that I wanted to choose my battle with. And you know what? They know, they know, they know. What do you think they are doing now? Do you all think you will treat them well? I basically just declared open season on the people who personally tried to kill me. Which is not wrong, it is just fighting back. If I tried to kill innocent people, I would be wrong and evil. But these are people who tried to kill me. Literally, tried to kill me before I could reach you all and tell you what has been happening for generations. They needed me. And they needed me dead in order to continue to hold their own groups hostage. I hope you all don’t judge me for wanting to hold a small handful of people accountable for their war crimes against humanity and trying to kill me. Some of them came a lot closer than others. It is a very personal experience that makes me angry because they hurt me. Anger is a secondary emotion, normally hurt is the primary emotion. But sometimes it is something else that is the primary emotion.
Nicki Minaj “Bed Of Lies”
You could never make eye contact
Everything you got was based off of my contacts
You a fraud, but I’ma remain icon-stat
My whole life I have been surrounded by fancy people. But they were just normal people to me. I didn’t know anything about birthrights or being fancy. All I knew was that people always like to get close to me because they like to get to know the people I have access to. Or at least the people I used to have access. These people were the people who signed up to destroy me and set me up to fail my whole life. But apparently these people who surrounded me have been or were fancy. I always thought they were mostly uninspiring and boring. Some were neat. And those were the ones with special interests who did something with themselves and their brains. I was rarely allowed to meet these people until after I was 30. And even then they were still the exception to the rule.
Kayne West “Runaway”
Let’s have a toast for the douchebags
Let’s have a toast for the assholes
Let’s have a toast for the scumbags
Every one of them that I know
Let’s have a toast for the jerk-offs
That’ll never take work off
Baby, I got a plan
Run away fast as you can
I never found a real friend until I found the communication hubs, farmers, and world leaders. These are people I have never met and they are better to me than anyone I have ever met. They are more my family and friends than anyone I have ever met. Do you know how weird that is? Everyone I ever have known was okay with killing me. And a lot of them were okay with breeding me like a farm animal. I never found family that did not want me to die until I have my family in Argentina on this revolution. My family in Argentina will always be special to me because of this. They not only didn’t try to kill me, but they told other people to knock it off and stop trying to kill me. No one had stuck up for me since before my head surgery when my Mom’s mom (from china) would stick up for me. They killed her and my Grandpa Graves who was from Argentina. And then my life went on broadcast. I suppose this is when my reality tv persona began. I was my Dad’s favorite training tool. If he would do this to me, imagine what he would get the world to do to you, right? But look what he had the world do to you all while you were busy destroying each other. You fed the green monster inside of you and where blinded by it. Did you learn your lesson? Destruction is an addiction that will steal everything from you, because it blocks your access to your critical logical mind and then you can’t see that the wool has been pulled over your eyes. Let’s Toast for the douchebags! Don’t be a douchebag. You can stop and pull the wool off, you know this right? People do douchy things all the time. But you can stop when you want to.
Collie Buddz “Moving On”
You haffi keep movin’
Sing on, sing on, yeah, aigh
Nuh matter what’s goin’ on
You know seh, you haffi chant on, yeah, aigh
You haffi keep movin’
Sing on, sing on, sing on, yeah, aigh
It’s just another broken hearted tune
Fi all di lonely world
When mi seh
This whole revolution people have been waiting for me to break. I am not sure people like me break. I get hurt. My organs start to fail. I get sick. My feelings get hurt. But I do not seem to break. I just keep moving and keep going. I used to listen to this CD on repeat for years. It is definitely in my subconscious.
There has never been an option for me to stop. My life has always been hard. And horrible, my life has always been horrible. But now I have the world to talk to. I have people who are actually willing to listen. Not only listen, but they are willing to really hear and see me for me. They don’t just see the person my family tells people I am.
Kayne West “Can’t Tell Me Nothing”
Man, it’s so hard not to act reckless
To whom much is given much is tested
Do you know how much I want to freak out? I just want to loose it and throw a fit like everyone else. My whole life I have felt like this. I just want to throw a fit. I literally have a hyperactive nervous system. This world and people are extra offensive in all ways to me. It is a visceral experience for me. I literally feel it in my guts and my bones. I hate people. Absolutely hate people. Yet, I would never treat people the way they have treated me. Never in a million years would I be as offensive, rude, mean, vicious, and/or ignorant as the people who have surrounded me for a lifetime.
Tom MacDonald “Ghost”
I wanna be with you
‘Cause I’m me with you, oh oh
I have never met anyone I could be myself with. At least until I found the covert world, farmers, world leaders, and communication hubs. Funny I have a healthier relationship with the covert world than I ever have with any one human. I want to be with you all. Cause I am me with you all. More than I have ever gotten to be before. Pretty weird, huh?
The Game “My Life”
So I′m grinding with my eyes wide
Lookin′ to find a way through the day, a light for the night
Dear Lord, you done took so many of my people
I’m just wondering why you haven′t taken my life
Like what the hell am I doing right? My life
I wonder why I am still alive a lot. Why am I here? Why do I have to live such a life of suffering? Why me? Why would God do this to me? You know what? God didn’t do this to me, humans did. I have spent a large portion of my life mad at God when I really just needed to be angry with people. People having freewill and using it poorly is why I have to live like this still till this day. Ignorance is why I have to live like this. And the kicker is it is not my own ignorance. It is the ignorance of the people around me. Do you know how hard it is to be a genius and have to pay for the ignorance of the people around you? And especially to have to pay for the ignorance of my family is hard. They literally genetically modified me to be genius and here we are. I am genius. And they put a chip in my head because they couldn’t control me. And here I still am not being controlled. They literally could have admitted that they were failing and asked scientists to explain the way my brain works to them and even come up with a strategy to control and brainwash me. But here we are because they cannot even admit to when they do not know what they are doing. I am proof of my family’s incompetence. If they were as amazing at everything as they claim to be I would not be here talking to you today. We would have never “met”. I would like to write a book one day about what it is like to be genius and be surrounded in a world with people who are not. It is the hardest part of my life and I know it makes me sound like a complainer. But dear lord I don’t think you all can even imagine how hard it is to deal with stupid people. I literally had to study Buddhism just to deal with it. Thank God for Buddha!
I had a really good time writing things out yesterday when I shared some of the secrets to life. When I just let my mind wander I have the most fun. It is when I “loose myself” the most. So today I just wanted to listen to music and journal a bit. Free association creates new connections in my brain which is basically how I create intelligence. Intelligence is connections in your brain. The more connections the more intelligence. Create enough intelligence and wah lah you are genius. The more unusual connections you have, the more value you have. If you have the same connections as everyone else, you aren’t that valuable. Keeping up with the Jones diminishes your value/worth. I didn’t do much formal education, so my connection are extremely rare. I am the only one who has them because I created my own lesson plans. I used to skip school to stay home and read my own books. And they were by no means the “right” books. They were just what I had on hand and that wasn’t much. But connecting that information in unusual ways is why I am valuable. It is a snowball effect of connections. Information super highways.
You know how people are always trying to get ADHD people to focus and do one thing at a time. That’s nonsense. Here I am doing two things at the same time. Well, I am writing, typing, and listening to music. And I am associating the music with feelings and facts in my brain. Doing multiple things at the same time creates gama brain waves. Which increases plasticity in my brain. Which increases my ability to create intelligence. The information super highways I create while in this state will be cemented in more quickly. I literally get high off creating information superhighways in my brain. I get high on life by creating intelligence in my brain. I don’t know why you all don’t do this more. Well, I suppose it is because everyone tells you to do one thing at a time. That is the slowest way to create connections in your brain. Well, unless it is like math or science sometimes I need quite to learn that stuff.
I talk about how my brain is like the game Tetris. I am always getting new information and it is just like the blocks in Tetris that are coming in from the top. They make connections with the block that I already have, the information I already have. My brain is always collecting information. Actually it is my nervous system. And it is my mirror neurons in my brain. Our subconscious are always collecting information. The terrorist who is sitting next to me poisoning me is providing me with information I am collecting with my nervous system, subconscious, and mirror neurons. I can’t tell you what he has to share because the information is stored in my subconscious. But I can tell you when I am trying to problem solve with my subconscious this information comes in handy. Especially, if I am downloading information from him that I have from others. The more people I download the same information/blocks from the more cemented into my subconscious brain it gets.
My subconscious brain is one of my favorite things in the world. My genius lives in my subconscious and my critical logical mind has a really hard time trying to communicate this information to others. This is my Autism. A lot of people with Autism have a hard time with words, communicating, and language. I will never be able to explain all the things I know. Jung talks about an introverted intuitive. I am intuitive, but I am only introverted because I do not know how to explain most of the stuff I know to you all. It is funny, normal people feel like the disabled ones to me. I worked at a group home for developmentally disabled people and they had Autism and they definitely knew the things I know. They too just did not have the words. You all poison them so much, shame on you.
I am this sensitive because my Mom poisoned herself when she was pregnant with me. And then continued to poison me when I was born and throughout childhood. Genius is epigenetic. Anyone can do it. It is about connections in your brain. Any city can build a highway and freeway system if they have enough money, right? If you have enough information and connections you can create enough information superhighways to create genius.
okay that is all I got for today. I will try to make sense tomorrow and focus. But not today. I am just not motivated to today. I will force myself to tomorrow.