This book was intense. I wanted to know what it was like to go to war. And honestly I still do not know what the war in Iraq was about around 2006-2008? After reading this book, I still do not know what was about. Google says it was an Iraq civil war. Why were we there then? is my next question. Well, “to maintain stability and support the new Iraqi government” is google’s answer.
“I feel guilty that I don’t want to be here, but I feel more guilt about how good it felt running from the C-130 to the bunker. I feel more guilt about how my body buzzed in anticipation when we arrive at Camp Mercury and a Marine told us to be aware of indirect fir and snipers.”
“I feel guilty because the longer I am here the less I think about my family and fiancee and what life might’ve been like in those other places, and the more I think about my new family and my loyalty to them and the fear that strikes my heart when Marines are traded between platoons.”
Honestly, this book reminded me a lot of what it is like to be in my family. Both of my parents were in the Army. I always used to tell myself that it was completely logical they would not know how to love when they had been trained to kill. But no one had ever told/showed/trained them how to love.
When I lived in Sierra Vista, Arizona there were all kinds of military people there because of the base nearby. I was surrounded by people who grew up like me and that was not necessarily a good thing. Because no one ever showed them how to love. Thus, they did not know how to love themselves.
My family’s cult is all about selling out your own family, your people, and your friends for what is best for you. It is about selling out all the people around you and being selfish. It is about turning everyone around you into a slav.
Mixed Polish people were the first slaves, even before African Americans. They were called “slavs”. Everyone in my family is willing to turn anyone into a slav, if it benefits them. When you enslave your own people, you are creating slavs. And the beliefs from this time period are still in our subconscious. My family preys on people who don’t understand their subconscious beliefs. They insert beliefs, desires, and emotions into people’s subconscious and this is how they turn them into monsters. Well, on top of all the poisons which create cluster b personality disorders and cause emotional dysregulation.
Emotions are energy in motion. When you poison yourself, or someone poisons you, it causes toxins to enter your limbic system, which effects your horomones which creates emotions.
People with cluster b personality disorders have so many toxins floating around in their limbic system that are causing hormonal changes and creating emotions. Which means they have all this energy in motion in their bodies from the toxins and they cannot move through it. This is emotional dysregulation. It is brain damage in the limbic system where it meets with the brain.
So you know how when people join my family’s cult they get them to poison everyone and everyone poisons them? It is to induce cluster b personality disorders in them. By clogging up their limbic system with so many toxins that causes hormones they are unable to emotionally regulate. Which makes them willing to commit crimes against humanity and destroy anyone and everyone.
Based on this book the military, or more specifically the Marines in this instance, use verbal abuse to create hormonal dysregulation and thus emotional dysregulation(because hormones in the limbic system create emotions). Yelling at someone is almost as toxic as poison. It changes hormones in the same way. The military breaks people with hormones and emotional dysregulation just like my family. My Mom used to scream like banshee my whole childhood. I am sure she does if there is ever anyone willing to listen. And I know she will never give up poisoning people.
You would think the military would want to make people stronger. So they can protect us. I always wondered why they didn’t test gut bacteria to see which soldiers would be able to handle going to war without coming back with PTSD. All they would have to do is test their gut bacteria for butyrate producing bacteria. If they have enough of this bacteria it will prevent PTSD and enable them to deal with stress. But it seems like the military may be more like my family than I expected.
Which is odd and a bit uncomfortable, because my Dad’s military cult was the first big group to get on board with being revolutionary. They had surrounded me and hunted me my whole life, but especially when I was in Sierra Vista, Arizona.
I like the military cult. They have been nothing but good to me since I was able to reach them. I have to treat people based on how they treat me after they learn about the destruction of my family. If I treated people based on anything else I would want to start the World War my birthrights give me permission to create. Granted if I was playing by the rules I would have to marry someone to start that war for me. But I promised the military cult from the beginning that I would fight my own wars and try my hardest not to make them fight them for me. So, far so good. Millions of people in the military throughout the past four generations have died fighting wars my family started.
So, I suppose we will have to change the military in order to do better. I understand we need to prepare people to go to war. But I do not believe we need to break the people who sign up to protect us all. I do not believe that is soft of me to believe. I believe it is logical. We should not destroy the people who sign up to protect us all.
“We created a person-thing. It looks like us and sounds like us, but it is not us. The person thing is a by product–like nuclear waste or babies. The person-thing cannot be uncreated. It is a part of us forever.
Because the person-thing is not human its foremost prerequisite to existence is that we lose not only our own humanity but remove that of our enemy as well. The conditions for loss of humanity were provided amply by the United States Marine Corps.”
I have never been to a traditional war. But I have lived at war my whole life. I have only shot a gun once in my life. But I have lived at war my whole life. Surrounded by people trying to destroy and kill me. It’s pretty miserable. I am 44 years old and I have never known peace. I have never escaped the Truman show that surrounds me and tries to destroy and kill me everyday. Granted they often just want to kill me with chronic illness, so I die a long slow painful death. But sometimes they try for the more direct route.
I don’t have all the answers, I never will. But I can relate to the person-thing that Matt Young describes in this book. This is the person my family has tried to turn me into my whole life. It is the person they all are. It is a soulless being, that destroys everything around it, regardless of the consequences. Which means they destroy themselves too. But they especially destroy me and you all because we have not broken completely like them.
This book was an acquired taste and definitely not my usual pick. The writing was in third person, which is weird for a memoir. But I suppose this has to do with the person-thing mentality. It was raw and real. I can appreciate that. The military does involve a struggle from within and I can relate to this struggle probably more than most. But it doesn’t mean I am used to it or have given into it. I still fight the person-thing mentality. And perhaps that is my privilege that allows me to do so. Although, some days I sure wish my enemies had guns, so this war would end.