Happy Virgo season! Just checking in with you all. I have been quiet for a few days. But we have been reading, The Rum Diaries by Hunter S. Thompson. I like reading with you all. It is a way for us to spend time together and learn new things. I can’t keep talking about the destruction of my family and the war games, because I live it everyday. And my whole life all I have done is live the destruction. If I live in that hurt and anger it will eat away at my soul. Your brain does not know the difference between living through a trauma and thinking about it. So whenever you experience rumination (or emotional masterbation as I like to call it) you are just traumatizing yourself even more.
When you all are ready to live differently and stop trying to hurt, kill, and destroy me, then we can talk about what we need to do to get better for all of us. But I am not going to sit around and beg you all to do better with me anymore. I have spent years doing that already. I would rather us read some books together and wait it out. Eventually we will get everyone on the same page. Or you all will be destined to be a subhuman slave race on a gene and cellular level forever. Your choice, not mine unfortunately. I would have already chosen to do better. In the years we have wasted trying to contact everyone, we could have already accomplished so much. You all live next door to each other, but really you live in different worlds. And you won’t even tell your neighbor why they should stop trying to kill you. Them trying to destroy and kill you is destroying and killing them. But you all refuse to actually talk to your neighbors like normal human beings. Which makes me angry. And it makes me want to scream and cry. And this has wasted my life. Especially the past four and half years on this revolution. I am a genius and I have paid for the ignorance of everyone around me my whole life. I am paying the consequences to everyone’s actions but my own. It is frustrating to say the least. And I am angry and I want to scream.
So, I will not be talking much because I don’t have much new to say. And I am not looking to establish a trauma bond with people who have hurt, destroyed, and traumatized me. I am looking to create a healthy relationship with the world. A relationship where if I feel like keeping to myself for awhile you all will understand and give me space. We all do the best we can when we actually apply ourselves and try. But are you really trying and giving it your all? Because I am. And I can only account for my side of the street. If you litter up your side of the street that is on you, not me. You need to remember I have never poisoned anyone or destroyed anyone or tried to kill anyone. So this mess, this subhuman slave race, is not my fault. You all are the ones caught with your hand in the cookie jar. It is your responsibility to account for your actions. Not mine!
I renewed my domain and hosting. So I will be blogging for the next year. I spent the money to keep this going. How much money have you spent on the revolution? How much time? My resources are extremely limited and here I am doing my part and contributing. This is the most money I have spent since May. I don’t get to work you know. And this revolution has cost me everything, literally.
I also went and got a new debit card. I had one delivered to White Bird, but I typed in my address wrong. It was funny because my family was giving me a hard time telling me that they wouldn’t let me have a debit card. They steal my mail often and do all kinds of underhanded things. Actually they get you all to do it. And you all love destroying me. However, I double checked the address I updated and it was wrong. Luckily, I found out OCCU actually will make you a new card at the local branches. So I got one today. It was quite exciting to get access to the real world like everyone else for a moment in time.
Like I said the other day my family is always in my head trying to make me think there is no hope. My Mom literally tried to convince me that she was God when I was fasting for 30 days. She wanted me to call her God and to believe she made decisions for everyone. And everyone was more than okay with this arrangement. So, when I get overwhelmed with being homeless or with the destruction or with my overall situation/Truman show or with the brainwashing from the chip in my head I remember this. My Mom wants to believe she is God because she is mentally ill and a sociopath. She emotionally masterbates all the time which traumatizes her even more creating connections in her brain that reinforce her grandiose delusions.
I am sure this revolution is overwhelming for you all too. I shared this story because if you need something to think about when you are overwhelmed you can borrow this story. When you give into the overwhelm of all this mess, and especially when you give into learned helplessness, you are allowing my Mom to win. And you are allowing her grandiose delusions to become reality.
Don’t feed the crazy. The more you feed the crazy the more it grows.
It is okay to be overwhelmed it is human. I get overwhelmed all the time. But I do not allow that overwhelm to win. Or to eat away at my soul and make me stop trying. I just take a break and regroup. That is kind of what I have been doing lately. I am taking a break and waiting for the opportunity to regroup. Remember, luck is opportunity meeting preparation. I am prepared and I am just waiting for an opportunity to live and change the world. I can’t tell you how long this will take. But I can tell you that no matter what my family has never been able to eliminate all opportunities from my life. I would not be alive if they could.
So, while I am taking a break, check in with the communication hubs, especially Salem. And listen to the recordings of the books we have read together. I have even read my family’s cult playbook and Salem has it recorded for everyone to have access to. When you listen to my voice, it activates your mirror neurons in your brain and you start to download subconscious beliefs from my subconscious. I will never be able to share everything I know with you all. But if I share my subconscious beliefs with you all via your mirror neurons and my voice, it will set you up for success in ways none of us understand. Because it is subconscious, aka below your consciousness. We are currently reading The Rum Dairies by Hunter S. Thompson and will continue with Chapter 4 today/tonight sometimes. I don’t have a set time that I read because I never know how you all are going to destroy me on any day. So we just play it by ear and do the best we can. Remember they poison me a lot when I read to you all so it is not the best quality. But it is my subconscious that I am giving you access to and that is the most valuable thing I have. My genius is in my subconscious, it is the largest part of your brain.
I hope you all are doing your best. Because I am. And I hope you are enjoying the last bit of summer. Because I am. I sure love the sun. I can’t wait for this to work out for all of us! Better days are to come. I truly believe that. And that belief creates a pattern in my actions that allows me to act on opportunities that I may not even see with my conscious mind. Hope you all are taking care of yourselves.
See you later when we read.
Love Always
Nicole Graves