I am an angry person. My life has been really difficult and hard. And my grievances are justified. Most people would not be able to live with all the things I have been through. And even more people would not be able to think clearly.
The past few months have been the hardest of this revolution. The past year has been hell. This revolution has been hell. It will mark 5 years in March 2026. Five years of fighting for the world as they sign up to kill me and limit my access to everything, group by group by group, day by day by day. And this has been happening on a smaller scale my whole life. I am pretty angry.
Lately, I have not been able to think as clearly as normal. I thought maybe I needed to eat better or I was forgetting to take care of myself in some physical way. But last night I realized it is because I have not dealt with a lot of my emotions from lately. I have just allowed them to float around in my head and take up real estate and cloud my ability to think clearly. Anger is clouding my ability to use my brain optimally. I have still been reading, doing logic equations, and figuring out the destruction of the world. But my head is foggy. I thought this may be from the 30 day fast, but that was in June.
It is shocking that someone like me can forget to deal with their emotions. Because I pride myself on emotional intelligence and having it together. However, I also have really been focused on the creative side of my brain. Which is the emotional part of our brains. Creativity is an emotion. It is a part of my brain I have never really explored much. But it is helping me to make more unusual connections in my brain, aka intelligence. And you all know I will do almost anything to create more intelligence in my brain, aka connections. I think this is my addiction. But I do not necessarily think it is a bad addiction.
Emotions need to be filtered through the logical part of our brains. This turns them into feelings. Feelings are logical and trustworthy. Whereas emotions are not logical or trustworthy.
Emotions + Logical Brain = Feelings
Anger is a secondary emotion. 99.9% of the time when we feel anger it is because we are hurt. Hurt is the primary emotion, and anger is the secondary emotion. When you are angry it is because you are hurt. Hurt people hurt people, right? Well, angry people hurt people too. Can you think of a time where you were angry where it did not result from being hurt in some way? I cannot.
The world has supported me greatly over the past 5 years and helped me create this revolution. However, the world and countless people let me down and hurt everyday. I don’t know how to deal with this. It makes me angry. I literally am mad at the world. And my birthrights have put me in a situation where I literally have a relationship with the world. Figuring out how to make and keep that relationship a healthy relationship is hard beyond words. There are no books on how to have a healthy relationship with the world. So I am just doing my best. And my best is not always good enough. That is just part of being human. And it sucks.
I have neglected people and the world for a few months. Because a lot of awful things I warned people were going to happen to me, did happen. And it sucks. I saw this coming and I warned people/the world about it. And it feels like I am the only one paying the consequences for the world’s inability to communicate with each other and come together in a timely manner. I literally have lived through hell the past 5 years while the world has been trying to get it together. The farmers and the world leaders and the communication hubs have all done amazing things. But it still is not enough. Everyday I live in the consequences of other people’s ignorance. Can you imagine being a genius and living in the consequences of other people’s ignorance? I have been doing this my whole life. And I am pretty angry about it. Which really just means that I am hurt.
I am going to try to do better. And I am going to try to keep my relationship with the world healthy for us all. My Mom likes to get me to hate my Dad because she hates that we are so alike. My family has been trying to get me to hate you all too, because we are so alike and because you matter to me. Creating this relationship with the world is the only way I can create meaning out of the suffering I have endured my whole life. If we can change things, it will make all the pain and hurt I have lived through worth it. I hope you all know I need this revolution as much as you all do. And I hope you all know I am committed. I may get angry and I may get hurt, but I am determined and committed. Sometimes I just need some time to myself to try to deal with it all. And I have no clue how to deal with all this. I may be a genius. And I may have all these equations for how to deal with things. But I only have those equations because I get lost all the time in all the hurt and anger I have. Please don’t judge me for being angry and please be understanding that I am just hurt. But I am working on putting myself back together all the time. It has been a continual process my whole life. I have equations for this. I should be better at it.